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How do I kill the hope?

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Ok I’m not sure what to do now….


I met a girl last July that lives in a different city than me… we hit it off and started what I first thought was a summer fling. Somehow we ended up getting really into each other, and visiting back and forth every couple of weeks for a bit over three months. I hated the fact that every time we would see each other it’d be like a honeymoon after which we would be apart, and at some point I for some reason asked her to move to the city where I live… it really made sense, she is originally form here, her parents and a lot of her friends live here, she had just quit her job, and we could give the relationship a real try.


She agreed and set up a date to move, told her family and friends, but as the date got closer she was freaking out more and more… about a week before she was supposed to come she disappeared from my life without a word… shut off her phone for a week and after that she just didn’t pick up my calls. I insisted strongly the first two-three weeks, and then every couple of weeks for two months. I last tried to reach her around Christmas and haven’t tried again.


I’m not stupid… I know that many things could have happened…. Most likely she just freaked out and knew that if she talked to me I’d just confuse her. Maybe she just met someone else or who knows… but I’m not writing here to get opinions about what may have happened… I’m posting here because its been almost four months since I last talked to her and I still cant get her out of my head. We were together for a bit over three months, so you’d think I should be over her by now.


I consider myself a lucky guy, I’ve always gotten the girl I liked, I have a good career and do all right in general. Girls are interested in me very often… I’ve forced myself to date other girls, but I just feel like I’m using them. Somehow, even though it seems obvious that I’ll never hear from her again, I am somehow convinced that she’s going through something and that she’ll move here in the spring/summer and contact me then. I am here because I don’t want to hope anymore… I want to be able to see what I don’t want to see.


I know people advocate NC on these forums for dumpees, and I understand that it gives the person a sense of control. I cannot get that, she disappeared without a word and it doesn’t seem like there is any way for me to reach her and get closure.



Thanks for your advice

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you feel the way you do for as long as you have cause there was no closure. I have been dealing with the same issue. I think in comparison we both could deal with a break up but to just not know is horrible. However I think after 4 months if she hasn't called she probablly won't. She probablly just got scared. Why?? Cause you are all she wanted and sometimes when you get that you can't handle it. I would do what you can to move on. And think also that if you ment as much to her she would have at least broke it off instead of disappearing. That helps me sometimes.


good luck

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