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Would like to have a woman's point of view on this break up!


supp11

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Hello all! I really am in a bad situation right now. I am going to make this as short as possible.

 

I have been with my gf (now ex) for over three years. In the beginning, she chased me, and I looked away. She did so much for me, and I looked away. She loved me, and I looked away. Finally, I started to like her back. We got into a relationship. Things were great in the beginning. I was her first everything, from kiss to first sexual experience. I was her first boyfriend even. So fast forward quickly...we broke up probably 5-6 times, and each was for the same reason...I didnt treat her like a gf, and I had some issues with her too. Each time we broke up, I said I was going to fix things, and she said she was going to fix things. We would get back together, then break up again how many months later. I believe now, that how I acted towards her was like a friend, which was wrong on my part.

 

FF to last week. We had an argument about some things, and she wrote me a letter saying somethings, including how "we can work things out, and we can get through this". Two days later, I called her and we talked. She began to cry and she told me that she doesnt think its going to work out. We broke up. Last night, I txted her because I thought she had my bracelet she gave me. She didnt, and I asked her if she felt differently. She said a lot of things. She said that she didnt know what she wanted, that she doesnt know if we can ever be together again, that for now she doesnt have any other answers for me, that she isnt ready to start another relationship with me right now, that she needs to find herself (whatever that means), and some other things.

 

Now, I have been reading a book about relationships, and I have found out why I do some of the things I do when i get into a relationship, psychologically. I feel like a new person so to speak. I know why I have been doing the things that I have been doing when in a relationship. I told her about this book, and how I really feel like I can change everything. We had a long conversation about this. She said that she cant trust me because of how many times I said things will change and how many times they didnt change.

 

I asked her out to eat after Valentines day. She said "ill go out to eat but that is all I can promise for now".

 

What I need help with, is what I do from here? My HEART tells me to call her regularly and tell her how much I love her and how much I want to be with her. My BRAIN tells me to leave her go for a while. If I leave her go for a while, I am deathly afraid that she will think that I just dont care (because that is how she thinks about things), and that she will move on. If I call/txt her regularly and tell her how much I love her and want to be with her, it *might* push her away, OR it could possibly show her that I really do care (because a lot of time when we were together, she felt like I didnt care/love her).

 

What do I do when we go to dinner?? I want to be with her extremely bad. I believe this is the girl. Please help! Thank you sooo much in advance!

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You are pushing WAY too hard. It's like you are trying to make up for ignoring her all this time. It doesn't work that way. You can't undue the past. Women go on your past performance, not your promises. We believe what we have seen, not what you will say to get us back. So...SHOW her by giving her space and letting her make this decision by herself. That alone will show her you've changed.

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Thank you for your replies.

 

I do feel like I am pushing hard, but I am afraid that 'out of sight out of mind' will describe what will happen if I leave her go. Should I leave her be without contact from me? This would be easier if she asked me for time to think because I could give it to her, but I feel like she will forget about what we had and what we could have if she gave it one last chance.

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Thanks for the reply!

 

We just hung out for a little and we talked and talked in the car. she said again, that she can't be with me right now. deep down I felt like she wanted nothing to do with me, but I told her that I don't know what to do from here and she said 'i don't know' about 100 times to questions I asked. she again said that she can't trust me because of what happened before how many times.

 

I think the only option is to give her space. its so hard because she didn't tell me to give her space like past gfs of mine.

 

I've given women their space before, but how do I give

space to the girl I want to be with forever and like she told me that how many hundreds of times before? how do u let the one you really love just forget about you and not do anything about it?

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She knows you love her and she's asking for space. Since you love her, give her what she wants. Respect her wishes. Either she will come back or she won't. If she doesn't, perhaps you found that relationship book too late in the game. And I am truly sorry. But you're a better man for it and you will carry your new found knowledge with you into the future. I feel for you. I wish the man I broke up with last week felt half of what you do. Good luck.

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thanks for the input learnin.

 

the reason I think she won't come back, is because I know she will be thinking of all the bad things that our relationship had. she even said today that she wasn't that upset on valentines day because last year I went out with my friends for no reason when I should have been with her. we talked some more and I asked if the door will always be closed and she said 'i doubt the door will always be closed', but then in the same conversation, she said she doesn't know if she can see us being more than friends. it is so confusing!!!!!

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