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confused


itsgm

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A few weeks back me and my girlfriend of a year broke up. She gave reasons that she just wasn't happy, did not have a close relationship with my parents like she wanted, and gave and gave to me without feeling she received enough in return. We both came to know each other via the Muscular Dystrophy Association. I have a form of it which leaves me in a wheelchair with limited mobility. She can walk, but uses her wheelchair about half the time. It seems the fact she took care of me a lot and I couldn't even really hug her right is the reason we broke up. Last Sunday, like every Sunday her and her parents took me to church. After that we did the usual going to lunch with her parents thing. The whole day she was smiling and laughing [i was flirting]. At one point she held my hand maybe thirty seconds, but said she wasn't thinking and was sorry. after that i was tickling her leg and she grabbed my phone and typed a message to me that she was in a 'delicate state' and me doing that wasn't good. it turns her on. anyway, after lunch we were in the car while her parents had to get out and do an errand, as they shut the door she said 'oh we'll just be here, making out.'

 

the other day, i hid pictures of us on my myspace page then hid my top friends list and she got offended. she said she was worried a new girl was number one. we talked on the phone after that and she cried a lot and it sounded like maybe she was missing me. a little bit later she told me a song reminded her of me that day.

 

'I'll never find another you

someone who moves me like you do

someone that knows me inside out

a love that'll never let me down

i could search all through this world

try to find another like you..

but no matter what i do

I'll never find another you'

 

but the next day she said she was just bein too sensative. she says she wants me to move on but doesnt wanna SEE it. Basically, I DONT KNOW what to think

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I don't really know what to say, but given what you've said, I think she feels she "has" to move on, but doesn't want to 1) hurt you, and 2) doesn't want to hurt herself by hurting you. It sounds like she'll feel guilty by breaking up, and want to "turn a blind eye", aka, pretend like she can't see you hurt from the breakup. Breaking your heart = crushing her as well.

 

Play it by ear, it might be she's just in a phase, as in she's having doubts for a few days, and will get over them, and a few weeks later get back together after she's seen what life without you is like.

 

But please, as someone who had something "similar" but not quite happen to him recently, don't hold out on hope. I was grabbing every single thread of hope I could find, then grabbing where I thought thread was and there wasn't. It bounced back and forth between "never talk to me again, I want you back, friends is best, I can't live without you, I just want to move on," etc. It's been 4 weeks and still bouncing, and even I'm lost in it all. But I gave up hope, and feel alot better and stronger for it. Please just begin preparing to be, at best, "friends". Maybe by the weekend she'll be over it. I can't give you exact answers, but I hope that helps.

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I don't think she knows what to think, either. She wants to end it, but gets jealous if she thinks you are interested in someone else. This isn't uncommon. She doesn't want you as long as you are crushed and pining for her; but if she thinks you are taking it in stride or moving on, it's a blow to her ego. She can't have it both ways. It's too soon to be friends. She wants space and you need some, as well. Read the other posts about breaking up. It's a great learning experience. Good luck.

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  • 2 weeks later...

OKAY things with her have been so good lately. She has cried many times, says 'she doesn't like this' and that she has so many feelings for me. Over the past week we have had phone sex like 4 times. last weekend, at our close friends house she asked if we could talk alone and she shared a ton of feelings. i ended up kissing her and she was shocked, but we ended up making out and kissed a few more times thru the night. she said she wanted to get back together but she just couldn't. we were around each other all night, like old times; she always wants me next to her. we talked almost 3 hours on the phone the other night. the next day i told her it felt like a spark was coming back and she agreed but told me she had no intention of getting back together. she said our feelings would go away eventually and i told her its been a month and they are as strong if not stronger than they were. its like she is trying to convince herself that she doesn't love me.

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It's sounds like you both need some space right now without any contact, especially the physical kind. It could be really difficult and even leave you feeling a little insecure (especially not knowing what the future holds), but at least you'll have some time to get your emotions under control so you can begin to think clearly about your future.

After about a month of having no contact, see what happens. You are deserving of a healthy and happy relationship. If this relationship is meant to be...it will be...., but only in it's own time.

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