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I Need Male Input. Why Do Guys DO This?


redreine

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My fiancee and I met on a website. Once we decided to be exclusive, we both deleted our profiles.

 

He broke up with me on Sunday. It is now Wednesday, and lo and behold, he has made a new profile on that website. (I must be honest, I went to the website to see if he had, thus I found it)

 

We were supposed to be getting married in July, and he himself said that he still loves me. How can he already be putting himself back in the game? Almost ever guy I know does this...WHY?

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My fiancee and I met on a website. Once we decided to be exclusive, we both deleted our profiles.

 

He broke up with me on Sunday. It is now Wednesday, and lo and behold, he has made a new profile on that website. (I must be honest, I went to the website to see if he had, thus I found it)

 

We were supposed to be getting married in July, and he himself said that he still loves me. How can he already be putting himself back in the game? Almost ever guy I know does this...WHY?

 

because he is ready to date?

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I don't understand how he could be, though.

 

We were still planning our wedding and looking at apartments on Friday. He broke up with me Sunday. Now he's ready for a new relationship on Wednesday?

 

That equation just doesn't add up to me.

 

Does to me.

 

He's crazy.

 

Good thing you dodged that bullit.

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My fiancee and I met on a website. Once we decided to be exclusive, we both deleted our profiles.

 

He broke up with me on Sunday. It is now Wednesday, and lo and behold, he has made a new profile on that website. (I must be honest, I went to the website to see if he had, thus I found it)

 

We were supposed to be getting married in July, and he himself said that he still loves me. How can he already be putting himself back in the game? Almost ever guy I know does this...WHY?

 

It seems pretty clear that he knew this was going to be over for awhile, and thereforee, did all his soul-searching and whatnot, so he's probably ready to just get back in there.

 

It doesn't make it any easier for you, I'm sorry. You shouldn't worry about what he's doing though. Just worry about yourself and finding peace.

 

I hope this helps.

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It doesn't have to all add up, it's human nature to be impractical, and to follow no laws but our own. Here's something that might help:

 

After the storm is over, there are better and bigger things over the horizon. Some are running towards it. Others are looking for which way to go to.

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It seems pretty clear that he knew this was going to be over for awhile, and thereforee, did all his soul-searching and whatnot, so he's probably ready to just get back in there.

 

It doesn't make it any easier for you, I'm sorry. You shouldn't worry about what he's doing though. Just worry about yourself and finding peace.

 

I hope this helps.

 

If he knew it was going to be over, why would he continue to plan our wedding and name our children, and talk about forever? And why wouldn't he pull away at least a little? Why was he still bringing me to family functions and buying me things and taking me out?

 

He's so confusing to me right now.

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There's nothing to be confused about, you guys broke up. He can date if he wants...you might not like it or understand it but he is his own person & will deal with the breakup the way he feels is right for him.

 

Im sorry you are going thru this, breaks up are always hard. Please start NC & dont "check up" on him.

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It's just not that simple. I was a part of his family. I was helping him raise his daughter. I am doing no contact, but I've become a part of everything he was a part of. That little girl was my little girl. I want to know she's doing ok. His sister is being recruited for basketball to different colleges. I want to know where she ends up going. His grandma literally sat me down and told me that I was the best thing to ever happen to him. I didn't just fall in love with him, I fell in love with his entire family. They were my family, too. They even told me I was considered part of the family and should consider myself invited to all their family functions.

 

I don't feel like I just lost my fiancee. I feel like I've lost a daughter, and a family.

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I know its simple for ME to say...move on etc. Yet in reality thats what you need to do.

 

If me & my SO broke it off today, I would feel exactly the way you do. I am so involved with his family, they all love me & welcomed me into their lives & homes. I spend just as much time with them as I do with my family BUT if we broke up... I would have to let it all go, it would be heartbreaking & painful but it would need to be done.

 

Im not sure if you want to stay friends with his family? Call, email them? etc...I personally wouldnt be able to do that, but maybe its an option for u?

 

Sorry you are dealing with this **hugs**

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I'm just so physically sick at this point.

 

I went out with friends last night, and I thought about what would happen if I met a guy. Just thinking about another guy made me feel like a cheater. I was thinking about the fact that if we did get back together, which I was sure we would,(I'm still kinda sure, just not 100% anymore) that it would be so hard to tell him that I had been with someone else. I know just thinking about him talking to other girls makes me sick to my stomach.

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That is a bad part, i know if my ex ever go`s with anyone else i would never go back, i know that sounds stupid because she wasnt a virgin when she met me. We will be nc 3 weeks fri, and it does get better, im still frustrated that she could talk so much future crap with me , then walk away without putting up fight. Keep ur chin up

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You know what? If anyone knows my man, it's ME.

 

I know exactly what is going to happen. He's going to find some random chick on that site, take her out on Valentine's Day, kiss her at some point in the date, and think about me the entire time.

 

After he has let his emotions overtake his pride, he will come crawling back to me.

 

When he does...oh man. One of two things are going to happen. Either :

 

a) He won't have anyone to come crawling back to.

 

or

 

b) He will have to work his butt off to repair the damage he's caused. And we most DEFINITELY will NOT be getting married for a long LONG time.

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I don't necessarily think he knew ( could have but it doesn't matter). Guys and some women, don't want to go through the pain. They are under this grand illusion if they break up and then immediately get with someone else it somehow disguises the pain. I don't know what is in his head but I would have to believe the profile back on line is his survival mode kicking in from losing the relationship. Even if he made the break it doesn't mean it is easy for him and this may be his coping device.

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On this website, it shows when users look at your profile. One time before when we were broken up, he told me he came back to me because every time he saw my profile on the list of users it made him miss me more and more.

 

So. I made a new profile. And now I'm going to wait.

 

Honestly, after the month of NC had we not been back together, I would've made a new profile there, anyway. I made it clear in my profile that I've recently been hurt and I'm not looking for anything serious right now.

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Redreine,

 

I think getting the profile up is perfect! I have been broke up with my gy and it has only been the profile I put on that has brought him back. He cannot stand it! Also, why not, in your goal of getting him back you may actually find someone that is more what you need.

I would strongly advise you take the "I have been hurt off your profile" Here is why: First- do not give your gy the satisfaction! It will make him think you are only doing this to spite him.

Second- that is a big red flag to gys and it will really narrow your response from what could be a nice gy. Take it off immediately!

Hang in there. It hurts like hell, I know! My gy and I had lunch yesterday. First contact after a month and it was the online that reeled him back

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This is the part of my profile that notes that I have been hurt, tell me if I should change anything :

 

"I want to first start out by saying I have been here before. I met someone who I gave my whole heart and soul to, because that is who I am. I dive in headfirst, and don't give up until that last breath of air is gone. He was a wonderful guy, and it just wasn't meant to be.

 

I come from a big family, and I want a big family. I adore children. However, if you already have them, I can not date you. Before I come off as cold-hearted, please let me explain. I got extremely close to my ex's daughter, and when he left it hurt to lose her, too. I can pick up the pieces and move on from him, but a piece of me is gone from losing her. I can not go through that again."

 

Do you think that will drive guys away? (if I don't get back together with my ex)

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Also. I thought I should add this.

 

This website gives you a list of users that would be perfect for you judging by the online assessment...and he's on my list! So I absolutely know for a fact when he logs on tonight, he will find my profile immediately, lol.

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My fiancee and I met on a website. Once we decided to be exclusive, we both deleted our profiles.

 

He broke up with me on Sunday. It is now Wednesday, and lo and behold, he has made a new profile on that website. (I must be honest, I went to the website to see if he had, thus I found it)

 

We were supposed to be getting married in July, and he himself said that he still loves me. How can he already be putting himself back in the game? Almost ever guy I know does this...WHY?

 

 

like i said in another thread, I have a sense that he is selfish and immature.

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Girl, I know you are hurting. Been there, am there. However, you aren't going to start a new relationship out by talking about the past. Drop the entire first paragraph- now! I know you want to put it out there but it isn't going to do u any favors. The past is the past. Now I know in your mind it isn't over- I understand that. but- new gy- he needs to feel you are healthy. That paragraph says otherwise. You can do this!

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