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Jealous of my best friend's relationship


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Lately I've been finding myself wishing my best friend would break up with his girlfriend (another good friend).

 

The guy in question, I've been friends with him for over 4 years now. We've always been pretty tight, and I'm considered family at his house. Last year, a few months after breaking up with his girlfriend, he got a new one, a girl that I had seen around school but for some reason never talked to. You'd think I would see her a lot with her being my best friend's girlfriend, but he tended to keep her away from us (which I later found out was because he was afraid of my friends and I as treating them as one person instead of two, which wasn't our intention at all). I slowly got to know her better over the summer, and we finally started becoming friends in late November of last year. At first I just felt that she was a friend, but after hanging out with her at a New Year's party we had at best friend's house, I started getting more feelings for her. We hung out most of the night, and after my best friend went to bed at around 2, we stayed up until 7 in the morning and just did a bunch of stupid stuff. After talking to her more and more, I saw how much we have in common and how well we get along, and I really couldn't help but fall for her.

 

Herein lies my problem; I'm in love with my best friend's girlfriend. I may have just started to get to know her, but now that I do it feels as though I've known her forever, and every time I think of all the years of friendship we missed out on I get really sad. The jealousy I've been feeling has made me think bad things about my best friend, to the point of feeling like he doesn't deserve and that I'm the better choice. I end up wanting their relationship to end, but I know this won't be happening any time soon and I feel really bad about it when I actually do think that. I keep on thinking of ways that my friend pissed me off and making him seem like a really bad guy, when really he's just a little high strung at times. I have no clue to do with all these feelings I've been experiencing.

 

When you boil it all down, I have to say I honestly feel like she's the one for me, and seeing her go out with my best friend and realizing that I could have done something about it years ago but never did has been driving me crazy.

 

Maybe I should just forget about her, but I can't see that happening any time soon

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I don't have to worry about keeping distant from my friend (he lives an hour and a half away now thanks to college), but I think it would be really hard to keep my distance from her. As I said, we're really good friends and we hang out and talk on a regular basis, so keeping my distance would probably make it seem like I'm trying to ignore her. Thanks for the suggestion though.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I want to restate the ideas to make sure that I understand what you are saying:

 

Your best friend broke up with a girl and is now dating someone new, and it is the new girlfriend that you are interested in dating? And he is in college, and she is in the town where you live?

 

She is also a friend of yours?

 

I would maybe ask your friend how serious he is about the new girl. She may be just a passing thing and then they are going to break up and then get back with the girl that he was originally dating.

 

That may have been the reason that he never told you about the new girlfriend relationship until it was public.

 

If he is really serious about the new girl then he should tell you, and the girl should tell you. If they say it is an open relationship, then it is open.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Your best friend broke up with a girl and is now dating someone new, and it is the new girlfriend that you are interested in dating? - Yes, it's his current girlfriend.

 

And he is in college, and she is in the town where you live? - She lives in the same town as me and her college is down the street from mine.

 

She is also a friend of yours? - We're really good friends, yeah.

 

About the seriousness of their relationship, I'm really not sure. I can't tell how serious they are, and I'm too shy/afraid to ask either of them. The closest I've ever seen them be are simple things like holding hands and sitting close to each other. Again, I'm much too anxious about just going out and asking either of them how serious their relationship really is.

 

About him getting back with his old girlfriend, that wouldn't happen in a million years. They broke off on bad terms and a bunch of really bad crap happened afterward, and as much as she would like to get back with him, it's never gonna happen.

 

My feelings are in a whirlwind right now. I really care about her, even past the point of just wanting to date. He can be such a lousy boyfriend at times, and she's so nice that it never bothers her when he has his little flip outs, since he just apologizes the next day and everything's "fine." He's a great friend, but I just can't help but feel that it's unfair that he has her and I'm left in the dust.

 

Or maybe I'm just a jealous little jerk, I dunno

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You have to let it go, man. If you try to interfere, which it doesn't seem like you are trying to(Which is good), you will only hurt your relationship with both of them. The risk is too high. Although, there is the possibility she feels the same way towards you, and leaves your best friend to be with you, but what does this do? You would probably lose your best friend, and is she worth the sacrifice? What if she doesn't feel the same way you do? You make a move and risk your friendship with her and your best friend. Like I said, it seems like you are trying not to get involved, which is good, but if you really love this girl then something can happen...whether it's good or bad.

 

 

I would wait until they break up; she if she is interested in you then. If she is, ask your friend if he is cool with you dating her. If he says no, tell him you really have strong feelings for her, and may love her, I think he would understand then.

 

 

But for now you have to be their friend. That's all you can be. Although, I can't really speak from experience because I've never been attracted to any of my bestfriends GF's.

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If she were to do anything out of line with you that wouldn't fare well for her character...to be honest it probably wasn't a very good idea to be up with her until 7am while her b/f - your best friend was sleeping....I think the appropriate thing for you both to have done was call it a night and go to bed and this likely wouldn't have cropped up, but that is now water under the bridge...I think some distance right now is the best thing for all of you involved. Do some stuff with your other friends for awhile and just try to get some space between this other friend and his g/f. This is bad news anyway you look at it if you don't.

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Dubi: I never planned on trying to interfere in any way, for the same reason you stated. I don't want to screw up relationships so I've completely ruled out any inkling of trying to do anything of the sort. This has never happened to me before, and it's just hard to get my feelings in order. I really like both of them as friends, but he could never be the kind of person that she could be to me. I don't want to risk losing a friendship but I don't want to risk losing a chance at a good relationship either. It's all lovely contradictions.

 

JadedStar: We were just hanging out as friends, really. We weren't alone and there were other people in the room, it was just really cool to finally get to know this person that my best friend had been dating. It just so happened to be one of those moments where you think you've met the person for you, and my luck had it that it was my best friend's girlfriend. About space, I've been keeping plenty of space from him (he lives an hour and a half away) and I can barely talk to the guy because he's always frustrated about something nowadays. I COULD keep my space from her, but quite frankly, I don't WANT to. I like her too much, as a person and as a friend to start ignoring or spending less time with her. I know it's really not the right way to go about things but that's how I feel.

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  • 1 month later...

I am having a dilemma right now similar but not the same. My best friend just started dating a really nice and good looking guy. She is a very sweet and kind person and deserves to be happy and I am happy for her, but that little green monster is on my back. She just met him and things are great between them, but if I had been in the right place I would have met him and it might be me dating him. They aren't serious yet and I would never date him because of the best friend girl code, but I have been single for so long and I'm so lonely, I want to simply be happy for my friend and not insanely jealous and thinking what if? Not to mention I'm scared of losing my friend to a new relationship and those of who have had a friend in a new relationship you know they practically disappear from your life and I'm scared of that happening. Does anyone have any ideas on ways to deal?

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  • 8 months later...
  • 2 weeks later...

so im in the boyfriends shoes here my "best friend" told my ex how he felt about her and she left for me for him. Do not put your friend through this. Just keep your mouth shut and let time sort things out. I have seriously had some really really bad thought about things that i would not care to discuss. Don't put him through what im currently going through. I honestly cannot think of anything you could possibly do that would be worse than opening your mouth. Friends you will have forever and your feelings for her you most likely will not. (cant think of a better way to put the last part) I really do think your best option is to slowly lose contact with her as much as it may hurt. Try and find other people to hang out with try and date some other girls.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 1 year later...

I understand your feelings, I have had similar feeling for my best friends girlfriend, now fiance in the past. If you value this friendship then you need to walk away and find some one else. Under no circumstances will I ever stab him in the back, I care way to much about him and our friendship to just throw it away. You do this you will suffer the loss of your best friend, and in the end you still may not be with her for life. However, if you stay true to your friendship he will most likely be there till you die.

 

Look at this way, would you want him to do the same to you. How hurt would you be? Could you really respect her for leaving him for you? Could she really respect you for stabbing you "best friend" in the back?

 

If you do follow through and make a move on her, all I have to say is thank god your not my best friend.

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Dont be selfish and do that to your friend.... Its already weird/wrong/bad enough that you would be spending alot of time with your best friend's girlfriend when he is not around. Im not sure if he knows you two are hanging out so much but i would not be happy if my friend was spending time with my girl without me being there even if i knew about it....unless you were already close friends with her before they started dating...which you werent. Dont you have any other girls to hang out with or start a relationship with?

 

And remember...angry people do angry things...you will be lucky if all your friend does is stop being friends with you if you do actually do something about your feelings.

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Ditto everyone else who says "Don't do it!!" I'm in a relationship, and there's some question about whether one of my friends is crushing on my bf. SO ANNOYING. Go get your own gf, and let their relationship fall or rise on its own.

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