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Having a rough time with this


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Here's a quick version. I met a wonderful woman back in November 2006. We were together for 6 months the first time. She left me in June 2007 to give it one more try with the ex husband. I was ok with her leaving the first time to give him a chance to be a father to his kids. Things didn't go well for them.

 

She came back to me in June 2008. Things where going good. We had a couple fights last month. Really the only two fights since we ever had. In the last one stupid me in the heat of the moment said if that's what its going to be like leave now. I really didn't want them to leave. Well her main issue is that I kicked her and the kids out on the streets at midnight. So she thinks its not a stable place for the kids.

 

They all came back the next day. It was still stressful here so I left to California for 3 weeks to see my family and give her some space to bring down the stress level. I got home on the 1st of February and on the 4th she moved out. Hell the kids loved it here as much as they love me. They didn't want to leave. We still talk. The kids come over all the time. She still says she loves me. I'm just at a lost on how to deal with it

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Well her main issue is that I kicked her and the kids out on the streets at midnight. So she thinks its not a stable place for the kids.

 

Welcome to ENA.

 

I don't mean to be harsh, but I agree with her. You kicked kids out of your house at midnight? I'm not sure there's anything you can do to recover from this.

 

If you manage to find a way to get her back, I'd suggest keeping your temper in check, or at least removing YOURSELF from the situation next time.

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I hate to tell you this, but that is a very valid fear that she has. Women value security (in its many shapes and forms) as one of their highest, if not the highest value, and especially if she has kids, even more so, and unfortunately, you did something that plays right into that fear.

 

I don't think it's beyond hope, but I think you need to find out why you took such a drastic measure - you said yourself you didn't mean it, but you still followed through on it. She is taking care of herself and her kids because, whether consciously or subconsciously, she believes you won't. It sounds a little emotionally abusive to me, and unless you can get to the root of the problem, I'm afraid for her and her children that something like that could possibly happen again.

 

If you do love her, I think there's hope and that it can get better, but it will take work...

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I hate to tell you this, but that is a very valid fear that she has. Women value security (in its many shapes and forms) as one of their highest, if not the highest value, and especially if she has kids, even more so, and unfortunately, you did something that plays right into that fear.

 

I would have to agree with this. A woman with kids will want security in a relationship, and rightly so. You need to talk about what happened with her and think about whether you want to be with somebody who has children and who values their safety and security as much as any mother would.

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Yea I hear what you are saying. She came from a very physically abusive relationship. Guess she got scared. I did not want to follow through with it. I even offered to leave my own house because of the kids. One thing I think she is dealing with is she has never been 100% on her own. It's only been a week since she has been gone. We have talked and are continuing talking about it. I'm really worried about hurting the kids though. I know it will take time.

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Yea I hear what you are saying. She came from a very physically abusive relationship. Guess she got scared. I did not want to follow through with it. I even offered to leave my own house because of the kids. One thing I think she is dealing with is she has never been 100% on her own. It's only been a week since she has been gone. We have talked and are continuing talking about it. I'm really worried about hurting the kids though. I know it will take time.

 

yah i would just keep the dialogue open and continue talking things over. I think there is still hope for you

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