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Are things getting better? Is it possible I might have a chance?


ca07

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My ex broke up with me about 1 month ago after going out for about 3.5 yrs. It was a LD relationship, but we saw each other at least once a month for a couple of days. We were complete soul mates, had wonderful times together, were 100% compatible and everything was great until about 1 month ago.

 

Before meeting her, I was in a very bad relationship with a girl that cheated on me for about 1 month before I found out. She was my 1st serious relationship and I was completely heartbroken. Because of this I believe I acted inappropriately through my new relationship with my recent ex.

 

The reason she broke up with me about 1 month ago (according to mutual friends) is because I was too jealous with her, not liking when she went out with friends and often asking her not to go out because I did not feel comfortable. This went on for about 1.5 yrs until last month when she said she had enough and wanted to be able to go out with her friends, travel and what not.

 

Immediately after everything happened I realized what a jerk I was and asked her for forgiveness and promised her change, she completely dismissed my requests for another chance. We have been very low contact for about 3 weeks now. I just visited her town and was with her in a mutual friends birthday. I can say, (and everyone else at the gathering) that she was extremely nervous all the 45 min she was there, she did not make any eye contact with me, not even when I spoke to her, when she walked past me she would bow her head and look down while she went past me, I tried to be as casual and outgoing with everyone else as I could, I think she was surprised to see me doing so well. Finally at the end when she left, instead of kissing me goodbye in a friend-like way (cheek with cheek), she gave me a kiss on the cheek (no one saw that).

 

Today, while at the airport, before I left, I sent her a txt saying "It was great to see you last night, you looked absolutely beautiful." She immediately replied "Always a charmer (my name), it was always a pleasure to see you as well. Have a safe trip."

 

Just a week ago, if she even replied to my emails she wrote things like "ok", "that's fine" " i don't know", and 50% of the time she didn't even reply. My guess is that she could have easily ignored my text, or she could have just said a simple "thank you", but she decided to compliment me as well.

 

Could this be the start of a possible reconciliation down the line? Or is it just me thinking nonsense?

 

What should I do? Give her space to think about things? I think her last impression of me was extremely good. Should I try to contact her say in 1 week and simply say hi, "how are you doing" or should I ignore her? It is very important to me that she knows I can change my past attitude, (already did when I realized how bad what I was doing was), even if its not with her, I want to make sure I don't make that same mistake in the future.

 

 

Thanks!!!

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I'm sorry you're going through this, my friend.

 

From what you have shared, my answer is no, it doesn't appear that things are necessarily getting better (as far as reconcilation is concerned, anyway). Sure, you may have made some mistakes, but relationships take 2 people to work, and odds are what you think is the reason isn't in fact the reason at all.

 

Have you been initiating all of the contact with her? Has she contacted you on her own at all? It sounds like the best thing to do would be to give her some space, and let her do the reaching. You should start accepting the fact that your relationship is over, and that she may never come back.

 

I've been where you are (I was there 3 months ago), and I know how difficult it is to think straight and not act out of pure emotion. It is difficult, but you have to accept the fact that there is nothing you can do or say that can change her mind or make her come back to you. If it happens at all, it has to come from her, and you don't need to wait around for that.

 

I wouldn't read into the text she sent. Texting is just about the easiest form of communication in the world. It requires absolutely no effort, and there's no way to tell what someone is feeling or thinking from a text message.

 

My advice is this: Whatever effort she is putting into having a relationship with you, put in half as much effort. Ignore what she says. Words are cheap and meaningless. Pay attention to what she does.

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Well about the reason why she broke up with me I'm 100% sure that my jealousy was the cause of it. I had an idea this was the case and one of her girlfriends confirmed it to me last night.

 

About the text I was just surprised that she answered with such kind words when she has usually just replied with a quick answer if she indeed replied.

 

I have been told by other friends that my best bet is to leave her alone and give her some space, even some of her friends have suggested I do this. (most of her friends want us to be together and think we would make a great couple if we could fix things.)

 

From what I, and everyone else noticed last night, it is clear she still has strong feelings for me.

 

I just wished I knew what she was thinking.

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Do you think there could be another guy in the picture?

100% sure there isn't. This is the first thing I asked her when we broke up and several of our friends have asked her and she tells them that there doesn't need to be anyone else for her not wanting to be with me anymore. And that no, there isn't anyone else.

 

We had a very honest relationship throughout the 3.5 yrs we were together and I'm sure she would have told me the truth, especially after we broke up.

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Ok. I asked because I think that when the dumper doesn't even consider the idea of trying to fix what I think is not enormous issues (I mean, you acted jealous and you apologized...not a big deal IMHO) it's because they're already looking somewhere else.

 

Either way, your best bet - as usual - is go very very LC or NC. If she changes her mind and decides to give you guys another shot, she knows where to find you. Don't overanalyze that text as it's just a text.

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I'll probably go NC for a while, as you say, it was just jealousy, the problem is that it went on for quite a long time, the way she described it was as being trapped, and when we broke up in an email she told me she did not want me to know anything about her, that she wanted to be alone and do whatever she wanted without feeling bad because of what I may think if she thought about doing something.

 

I understand what I did was very wrong and I really wished I would have realized that before she decided that enough is enough and dumped me.

 

I just wish that with time she will consider taking me back.

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If she felt pressured and trapped, and has requested space, then your best bet is definitely complete NC. No exceptions.

 

Good luck friend.

That totally makes sense. I am just worried that she doesn't know that I realized how wrong I was and if she ever gives me a chance, she can be sure things will be very different.

 

If knowing that I have changed and things will be different will be a deciding factor for her, I'm afraid if I go NC, she will never realize that.

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That totally makes sense. I am just worried that she doesn't know that I realized how wrong I was and if she ever gives me a chance, she can be sure things will be very different.

 

If knowing that I have changed and things will be different will be a deciding factor for her, I'm afraid if I go NC, she will never realize that.

 

Going NC is how she will realize that. It will lend credibility to what you tell her down the road. If you shoot for an understanding too soon, you'll only close her in while she's still fighting to fix whatever suffocation she felt during the relationship.

 

Let her miss you, it's the best shot you've got.

 

In your corner.

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Going NC is how she will realize that. It will lend credibility to what you tell her down the road. If you shoot for an understanding too soon, you'll only close her in while she's still fighting to fix whatever suffocation she felt during the relationship.

 

Let her miss you, it's the best shot you've got.

 

In your corner.

Thanks for your wise response, I've been thinking things trough in the past few hours and I agree with both you guys in that the best course of action is to disapear for a while. I'll let her contact me if she ever decides to do so. I'll keep u posted!

 

Thanks

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