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What is your take on this? thought he wasnt interested...but


enchanted771

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About a month ago, I met this guy. We hit it off, etc. Well, I thought I am supposed to let him do most of the contacting in the beginning because I would look like I am chasing him. So I backed off. Well, as soon as I backed off he started contacting me more…which I found very flattering. My original thoughts which were that he wasn’t really that into me, started to change and I thought perhaps I was wrong. I know if a guy isnt that " into you" that he wouldn’t be contacting you. I know that neither of us want a serious relationship at this point, but lately he has been asking me " how many guys flirt with you today" and " I bet a lot of men flirt with you" when I told him this one guy did, his answer was kind of short. So, I don’t know what to think of this. I know he doesn’t want a serious relationship but then why would you care if someone is flirting with me? Or is is supposed to be casual in the beginning????

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first off the dude is acting insecure by asking you these questions. maybe he doesnt want a serious relationship off bat but maybe he is open to the idea after getting to know you better. stop playing games and if you wanna talk to him, talk to him. same goes for hanging out. If a girl always waits for me to make all the moves or plans or phone calls, then i usually feel like im wasting my time. It cant just be give give give. There has to be some give back involved!

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first off the dude is acting insecure by asking you these questions. maybe he doesnt want a serious relationship off bat but maybe he is open to the idea after getting to know you better. stop playing games and if you wanna talk to him, talk to him. same goes for hanging out. If a girl always waits for me to make all the moves or plans or phone calls, then i usually feel like im wasting my time. It cant just be give give give. There has to be some give back involved!

 

Well, I had initiated it twice but then he couldnt do it but suggested another weekend instead. But, maybe he just said no because he doesnt want to look sooooo available?? IDK

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Well, I had initiated it twice but then he couldnt do it but suggested another weekend instead. But, maybe he just said no because he doesnt want to look sooooo available?? IDK

 

Thats possible but IMO or what i prefer to do is, if you want someone you should put it out there enough so that the interest is obvious. Otherwise what if someone else comes along and takes up the opportunity and your kicking yourself for not being more aggressive or obvious. This goes both ways!

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Thats possible but IMO or what i prefer to do is, if you want someone you should put it out there enough so that the interest is obvious. Otherwise what if someone else comes along and takes up the opportunity and your kicking yourself for not being more aggressive or obvious. This goes both ways!

 

You know that is true too. He is definitely showing an interest, and that might be why he asks if other men flirt with me. And I had straight up asked him if he was interested when he couldn’t get together one time. I just don’t want time wasted. Sometimes he is more responsive than others, but we already made plans so how many times can you reiterate it?

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if he runs when you put it out there, he's not for you. when you are cold, he comes on warmer. this tells me you are his 'backup' type girl when he needs. almost like you aren't good enough for him. i know that sounds bad, but maybe you aren't fully his type but he enjoys the attention you give him. and when you are gone and no other girls are around, here come the texts and phone calls.

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I am going to get together with the plans we already made. If he doesn’t make an effort after that, then I am going to tell him. The last time, we spend almost 2 days together. There is kind of a good reason we cant get together more often….its our current living arrangements. I don’t want to go into details here, but I don’t have my own apartment right now so if I did it might be easier for us to connect….I am gonna give him the benefit of the doubt until that time…after that, then it will be clear. I am moving soon.

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You have to meet him halfway. Did you bring up the concept of not wanting a serious relationship first and he agreed? If so, he may not be telling the truth about "not wanting a serious relationship." He may have told you that because he thought it is what you wanted to hear, and to keep you around long enough to possibly change your mind. Just something to consider before going any deeper into this.

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You have to meet him halfway. Did you bring up the concept of not wanting a serious relationship first and he agreed? If so, he may not be telling the truth about "not wanting a serious relationship." He may have told you that because he thought it is what you wanted to hear, and to keep you around long enough to possibly change your mind. Just something to consider before going any deeper into this.

 

His words were “ I am not looking for a serious relationship…are you”?

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wel then if your not looking for a relationship right now and he isnt, then why are you here questioning the situation? seems like you and him are on the same page. neither of you want anything serious so just roll with what is and dont let it stop you from meeting others in the process.

 

Because I feel like he likes me more than he is letting on...and once he started contacting me more, I started to as well.

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well have you told him exactly that? seems like you two are going back and forth and that will get old. You wanna date him alittle, then just be cool and casual with whats going on now. If you dont feel he is letting out how much he does in fact care, well just leave him be on it. You cant pressure that out of him because that will just bug him. Let him show his feelings when HE is ready. Not when YOU want to hear them. Continue to keep your options open cause you may just find someone better that will sweep you up!

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Oh...this is great...I was questioning the same thing about the guy I'm dating right now. On on of our dates, which are always great, he mentioned that he wasn't looking for a hardcore relationship, and believed I wasn't looking for one too. He was pretty lax on making plans with me, calling, though we emailed several times a day. It was difficult for me to gage his interest as I've always been so used to men digging their claws into me right away. And yesterday I was about to kick back and move on...he calls, invites me to dinner, and we just communicated with each other about everything...us, dating styles, where we were at...how much we totally like each other...everything. And what he meant by hardcore was simply, "like asking you to move in next week..." And I was trying to not be pushy with you since I know you like your personal space and you're busy. I think friendship is important to develop and I prefer to go slow in the beginning....(and some then said some other awesome stuff), cuz he wasn't looking for anything fast and furious as they usually can fizzle out.

 

So the morale here...talk about with him...and give him a little encouragement every once in a while. If you come off too cool...then really what's his motivation.

 

Good luck!

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