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My boyfriend's long work hours = problem


n83

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Hi ENA,

I have a question for you ..

 

I am having some problems in my relationship due to the fact that my boyfriend works very long hours. Most days he is gone at 8am and works until 9pm. (He is a car salesman).

 

We are trying to work on our relationship but this keeps coming up over and over again. We rarely have time to spend with each other and I am so sick of his job taking up ALL of his time. Plus we have a child together and it cuts into our time together as a family. He even has to go in on his days off to do paperwork, or else he has to pay other people to do it for him. Us not spending time together has really, really taken a toll on our relationship.

 

The other issue, being the nature of his job, is that his income fluctuates drastically. Which makes it almost impossible to plan anything financially - buying a house, saving for college, whatever.

 

Also, in the past, my boyfriend was stupid and raked up a felony conviction. This was years ago but it's still affecting his ability to find work. He is such a great guy now, so hardworking... but he doesn't want to get another job though, because when he does well at his job, he does REALLY well and makes a lot of money. He thinks that going for a typical 9-5 job, if they would even hire him, would not pay him enough to support a family. And he keeps arguing that he can't go back to school because we need his income.

 

So I am completely torn. I see his position but I am also feeling very, very bad about the fact that I can't see myself with him forever if this continues. As it stands it is really affecting my desire to have more kids, as I already feel like a single parent most of the time. Doesn't help that several of my girl friends have told me flat out that they could never deal with this situation (long hours, fluctuating income) and they are "surprised I'm able to deal with it." Because I am surprised too. I hate it and I'm fairly miserable and I don't see light at the end of this tunnel.

 

He wants to get married though. And he's told me flat out that this is who he is, I need to deal with it if I want to be with him, and I should just accept him as he comes or else I should leave him and find someone else who's more stable.

 

Should I just stop nagging him about his job situation, or am I right to be upset about this? Please give me your honest unabised opinions, don't spare my feelings!

 

Thanks ahead of time!

 

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My BF is a cop and also works long hours - 7-7 most days and sometimes 7 pm to 7am. He is exhausted after working these shifts, so I only see him when he is off and off the next day. For about 2 years that meant that I only saw him once a week. I love him so I stayed and dealt with it. He works less hours now and I see him more. I am glad I stuck it out. I just made sure I had my own things to do. I started going back to school and now I almost have my masters degree. He would obviously rather be hanging out with me than working, but he has to make a living.

 

Just because your girlfriends couldn't deal with a situation like yours doesn't mean that you can't. Everyone is different, some women need to see their bf everynight. I don't. In fact I like the time alone with my 4 year old son. When my BF is around I have to split my attention, when he is not, my son gets it all. Try looking at things in terms of what you do have instead of what you don't and maybe that will help. In any case, you don't want to spend the little time you do have together arguing about how often you see eachother. Enjoy the time that you have.

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do you live with your boyfriend?

 

my fiance works the same crazy hours- he also works sat- its not easy- but i love him to pieces and if my only choice is to live with his work schedule.. or not have him in my life- i will take his work schedule ANY DAY!

 

do i think you are being unfair .. a little... i'm sorry to say- its not like he is out with his friends at a bar... he is at work earning a living and working hard... so in that respect.. yes you are being unfair and putting a lot of pressure on him.

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You should really be greatful that you have a boyfriend that wants to work and works hard for you and your child. I know women that complain that their men don't do what they should be doing. Do you know how many men use the 'felony conviction to even keep from having to work'.....

 

I'm sure it's tough for you because you would like to spend more time with him, but what is the alternative, him not working and being home all day and then you would be here telling us that he is a bum.....

 

Be blessed for what you have now.......

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Agree with this^^^^^^^^. Sometimes you just have to make do. At least he has a job, and is trying to make a successful living in that business.

 

My bf is in military and is currently deployed. He's been gone for over 5 months...I would give ANYTHING for him to have the schedule your bf currently has....if you love him, stick by him. It'll be worth it in the end....

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Hey everyone,

I had a lot of time to think about this post and I kind of made a decision even before I got home and started reading the responses. Basically I agree with everything that was posted .. I think I am being pretty selfish and I'm glad that he actually has a job because most people would kill for anything right now.. but the responses only reiterated to me that I really am being pretty selfish and I should probably just quit whining about it.

 

Thanks for your input everyone ... I really truly do appreciate it.

 

P.S. Edit - Yes we do live together.. DN, we have been talking about moving to North Carolina, but this sort of came up in that context, because I told him I was worried about moving and he wants to stay in this business down there.. and I have much more support up here for my son than down there (virtually none).. so I was panicking a bit, thinking maybe it's better not to move anywhere...

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