D_Lish Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 This phrase of the movie actually refers to girls: If SHE's not sleeping with you.. Makes more sense now doesn't it? Ahh right, well yeah that defo makes more sense. Guys with interest move mountains to be with a woman they have an interest in. Heck, an ex of mine used to walk two hours every night to come and see me....oh yeah and he worked!! LOL
servedcold Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Book/movie are great moneymakers but shallow relationship advice.
Cognitive_Canine Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 This phrase of the movie actually refers to girls: If SHE's not sleeping with you.. Makes more sense now doesn't it? Actually, a lot of guys think that and I, for the most part, think it's wrong. My boyfriend and I waited a long time to have sex (one and a half years) and it was because we just had different views on sex than the norm, not because we weren't into each other.
cristal Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Did you learn that from the movie or is that your experience? I kinda knew that, from my personal experiences and from the experiences of others. But the movie hammered it home, that patience and backing off, is sometimes what you need for a relationship to gain ground. Does not work in every case, but it is the best chance that you have.
flash83 Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 does the concepts in the movie apply to guys as well?
Cognitive_Canine Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 does the concepts in the movie apply to guys as well? It's focused towards women but guys should listen in too. "She's just not that into you" is a healthy way to move on from rejection.
cristal Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Book/movie are great moneymakers but shallow relationship advice. I have somehow gotten a different take on both the book and the movie. When someone appears to be rejecting you, you are filled with the "whys", but cannot find the real reasons for their behavior. It is akin to having a disease, with no medical terminology. Even though you might be suffering, you are finally happy when someone put a name to it. It is an aha moment. You feel vindicated. And this is what the book and the movie means to me.
GernBlanston Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Guys with interest move mountains to be with a woman they have an interest in. Well, that's just nonsense. A guy who's confident that the woman is interested in him might move mountains. If the guy is not confident and has doubt that she returns his interest, then he'll likely not try particularly hard. Of course, women aren't attracted to men who aren't confident, so this seems like a reasonable way to weed out these men as well as those who are "just not that into you."
D_Lish Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Well, that's just nonsense. A guy who's confident that the woman is interested in him might move mountains. That's kinda what I was meaning. He aint gonna move em, if she is showing no interest, is he? Obviously one of my exes walked two hours every night and because he at least knew there was an interest....doubt he'd have walked it otherwise. Mind you, I've known guys continue to pursue and finally win the girl....and when she may have previously been showing zilch interest. Some guys don't give up, till they get what they want.
D_Lish Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 When someone appears to be rejecting you, you are filled with the "whys", but cannot find the real reasons for their behavior. But why ask 'why'?.... and want a reason for their behaviour. People are best off just accepting that someone may not want to be with them, rather than wonder what went wrong, what they did, what they said, etc, etc. I'd just gracefully bow out, if I figured a guy wasn't into me.. His frigging loss at the end of the day and that's the attitude we should all take.
cristal Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 But why ask 'why'?.... and want a reason for their behaviour. People are best off just accepting that someone may not want to be with them, rather than wonder what went wrong, what they did, what they said, etc, etc. I'd just gracefully bow out, if I figured a guy wasn't into me.. His frigging loss at the end of the day and that's the attitude we should all take. You are right. Bowing out is always the best course of action, but sometimes it is not the first course of action. For me, it is first the analyzing and then the decision to let it go. I am currently going through this as we speak.
Elsewhere Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I think there is no nonsense to what D lish said previously. Actually the less interest I've been showing, the more trying and mountain moving had been done... Guys want what they can't have (so do girls matter of fact). CRISTAL, exacly! I thought relationship was all about pushing and fighting for it... Then when it was too late I was still like: I didn't try hard enough damn me! And now I see really there was nothing I could have done. It wasn't up to me.
DN Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I find it very interesting that some people are so ready to believe the premise of this book (and any other similar book) that predicts actions based on the premise that people act and feel in predictable ways because of their gender. This would assume that people are basically the same according to their gender i.e. men will do this, or women will do that in given circumstances. And yet in this (admittedly unscientific poll) the following responses were received (at the time of writing). 18 - Very different 2 - a few differences 1 - minor differences 1 - the same Of course, this poll was about cats. Interesting that, with one exception, it seems people think cats are more individualistic than human beings.
D_Lish Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 You are right. Bowing out is always the best course of action, but sometimes it is not the first course of action. For me, it is first the analyzing and then the decision to let it go. I was more referring to people who will pursue the guy with emails, etc....rather than just accept he aint called. Of course we are gonna analyize things in our own head and especially if we have dated the guy a number of times and then he just stops calling for no reason. But analyze is all I'd do....I wouldn't pursue him whatsoever. A guy with whom you havn't even had a date, who passed on a number/or a woman passed on hers and he/she didn't call....there aint much to analyze, other than he didn't have an interest. I am currently going through this as we speak. Me too....LOL. No call for nearly 48 hours....analyzing done and Im outta there already!
nimisaj Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 WOW! Lots of replies! And this was hilarious... Well, I used to be the type of guy who "tried harder" if the girl played hard to get but these days, seriously I can't be bothered. It takes up alot of time and energy chasing someone around, trying to impress them, letting them call all the shots, playing those silly games. I'd be better off working on my career and enjoying my life. It's not like "I'm just not into them" it's more like "I'm just not into playing silly games with them" They should make a movie about that. Johnny Depp can play me.
GernBlanston Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Actually the less interest I've been showing, the more trying and mountain moving had been done... Guys want what they can't have (so do girls matter of fact). This only applies to certain men, and is by no means a rule that all men will follow. Clearly, these were confident men. It's very likely that there were other men, less confident, who were just as interested in you. They never bothered pursuing you, because they perceived no interest on your part. As Clementine orange says, why would they waste their time and emotional energy. I'm with D_Lish in that, "He aint gonna move em, if she is showing no interest." On the other hand, it's very easy for some men to convince themselves that there's no interest even when she's giving him what she feels are appropriate signals. Again, presumably these men aren't worth being with, anyway.
cristal Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Me too....LOL. No call for nearly 48 hours....analyzing done and Im outta there already! Yep, 48 hours for me too! Stick a fork in him. He is done. LOL
Mario_Basler Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Generic dog * * * * based upon the primative logic and crass generalizations. I'd actually go as far to say that those who buy into premise that all men behave with adroid-like predictaby in their relations are likely a good few points down in the I.Q scale.
l9grl Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 If the person is making a decent effort to get to know you, why even bother? If it doesn't feel right to you, it isn't right for you. Simple as that. If someone isn't a good fit, it's best to let go, rather than try to change yourself or change the other person. If someone doesn't seem as into you as you are into her (him), then let it go - save yourself some heartache!
thistime Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 If i feel like i'm doing all the work, ie...calling, stoping by, texting, making plans, initiating things...then he isnt that into me, and i move on. just saves time, and the chance of getting to close to someone who obviously doesnt fell the same way in return. Takes the guess work out of it. If he really is into me...he should act like it. c'mon guys...we can tell! you either like us, or you dont, and your actions speak louder then words.
D_Lish Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Generic dog * * * * based upon the primative logic and crass generalizations. I'd actually go as far to say that those who buy into premise that all men behave with adroid-like predictaby in their relations are likely a good few points down in the I.Q scale. In some situations and if one has been dating a guy for a while, the man can get predictable, as in calling regular and consistant, or every day... If he suddenly stops calling and his habits or routine changes.....there is something wrong and something isn't right. Not a case of having a low IQ...but a case of being 'aware' and not being 'dense'....
Nixee Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I think the basic idea/premise to the book/movie makes a lot of common sense and can be a good reminder when you find yourself hurt and confused when someone you are seeing becomes distant or things seem 'off'. But at the same time, not everything can be boiled down to "he's not that into you" either.... so I take it with a grain of salt, and I certainly don't and can't claim that this book/movie clears my confusion up entirely. I've personally been pursued actively by guys who showed every sign of being "into" me - calling, texting, planning big dates, showing affection and interest, and then suddenly pulling away and deciding they can't commit, aren't ready, something doesn't feel right, their life is too complicated right now... whatever. In the end, sure you still have to walk away, but it gets tiring and feels horrible to constantly tell yourself "yup, I guess he wasn't that 'into' me.... even though he sure acted like it...." Real life is sometimes more complicated. That is what I've learned. But sure.... take care of yourself, and keep your dignity... I get the message.
cristal Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I have found that when a man's phone calls start to taper off, it generally goes down hill from there. The pendulum might swing back to where he might call a lot for a short period of time, but it never stays there. It usually progresses to more and more infrequent calls from him. This period signals the "pulling away" period. Most times, it signals the beginning of the end. If it stays in that mode, then this is when you should start thinking of packing your bags and hightailing it out of there. In actuality in most cases, it is the end.
D_Lish Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 This period signals the "pulling away" period. Most times, it signals the beginning of the end. If it stays in that mode, then this is when you should start thinking of packing your bags and hightailing it out of there. Yeah I agree. It all starts with calls not coming, as regular as they once did. or maybe he's started replacing calls, with text messages. He sends a text, you reply...he sends another text and you reply....it goes unanswered. Then the text messages arrive, maybe every other day and they become one liners....he doesn't seem interested in having a text conversation anymore, let alone a phone one. He's checking out of your life slowly...then POOF. I tend to think there is some other woman, another new love interest has arrived on the scene, or an ex has come back...if it's a guy one has been dating perhaps a few months and he distances, then vanishes. Especially if this was a guy, who had seemed really into you, prior to the irregular calls...there's a reason behind it.
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