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Mixed Signals - Need Advice


RedWingsFan
SIGNS OF A TOXIC BOSS | THERAPIST R...
SIGNS OF A TOXIC BOSS | THERAPIST REACTS TO RAISSA KENGNE

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A girl and I get along very well. Coworkers at one point even bugged me, saying, "How on Earth aren't you together?! Go after her!" My response at the time was that she was in a relationship of 7 months - I wasn't going to get in the way intentionally. He boyfriend then ended their relationship about two and a half to three weeks ago.

 

We've hung out a lot recently, and I've noticed some escalating flirting from her, so I decided to ask her out on an official date as opposed to just 'hanging out.'

 

Conversation:

 

Me So about that movie...I don't know if I am going out on a stretch here or not, but I'd like to take you out to that movie this week."

 

Her Oh...um...no thanks (smirking, as if flattered). I have a lot going on...I don't know if I can...

 

Me I know there is a lot of stuff going on at work, but I figure with all of that and your car being broken down, I'd do something really nice for you. Plus, I don't know if it's too soon for me to ask.

 

Her Yeah....I appreciate it. Thanks. Well...maybe...I'll have to see what comes up. But, thanks, though.

 

I feel like I've hit a brick wall ](*,) by asking her too early. She didn't outright say, "No, I am not interested." It was a vague answer - and I hate that!

 

Women (men, too), what is your perspective? She has been a coworker (different department)/casual friend for about 4-5 months. Could she possibly be interested, but think it's too soon? Should I have waited a few more weeks? She seemed a little nervous when responding - was looking down and fidgeting with her purse. But I could tell she was flattered (or glad??) that I had asked.

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Dude I wouldnt worry about it too much. Chances are she may like you but doesnt want to come off as one of those girls who bounces from one guy to another without any time or thought. Keep hanging out with her like you use to and let her make the next move. If she's interested in you in that way you can expect to get strong hints from her within a month or two. If nothing happens in two months Id say that she's not into you.

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Keep hanging out with her like you used to and let her make the next move. If she's interested in you in that way you can expect to get strong hints from her within a month or two. If nothing happens in two months Id say that she's not into you.

 

Agree a gazillion with this....

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Maybe I'm in the minority, but sounds like a pretty clear "not interested" to me.

 

As a guy, I can see that perspective. But the smile and the vague answer at the end says otherwise.

 

She is supposed to bake me some muffins this evening and give them to me tomorrow. I'll see if she follows through.

 

I am interested in hearing experiences where someone was fresh out of a relationship. Nonetheless, your opinions are appreciated.

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Completely agree with you; being a woman, that was a very nice way to say I'm not interested. In fact, the undertones also ask why you would try so soon.

 

Why would I try so soon? I don't know...it just felt right!

 

She wasn't completely happy in the past relationship for about a month. She has always been flirty with me, takes glances at me (I've caught her staring often), and is very keen to speak with me for lengthy periods when we both know we have work to do.

 

I do agree that the ball is in her court. Either she outright says she is interested or shows even stronger signs.

 

Thanks for the insight.

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I think you should make sure she has your phone number, email or is freely able to approach you at work or whatever and then make it very clear to her that you'd love to take her out sometime, and when she's ready to LET YOU KNOW. That way the ball is totally in her court and you both know it's in her court. You can think just relax about the whole thing. If she's interested, she'll respond, if she's not she won't.

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I think you should make sure she has your phone number, email or is freely able to approach you at work or whatever and then make it very clear to her that you'd love to take her out sometime, and when she's ready to LET YOU KNOW. That way the ball is totally in her court and you both know it's in her court. You can think just relax about the whole thing. If she's interested, she'll respond, if she's not she won't.

 

Women - do you really think this approach works? Has it before for you?

 

It just seems too straightforward - what about "the chase?"

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Conversation:

 

Me So about that movie...I don't know if I am going out on a stretch here or not, but I'd like to take you out to that movie this week."

 

Her Oh...um...no thanks (smirking, as if flattered). I have a lot going on...I don't know if I can...

 

Me I know there is a lot of stuff going on at work, but I figure with all of that and your car being broken down, I'd do something really nice for you. Plus, I don't know if it's too soon for me to ask.

 

Her Yeah....I appreciate it. Thanks. Well...maybe...I'll have to see what comes up. But, thanks, though.

 

don't be so weak and questioning about your intentions. just ask. to me it sounds like 'i'm going to ask, but if it upsets you, i'm sorry.' don't be like that when asking women out.

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