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Conflict with my mom...


PsychGirly

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My mom & I have a very close relationship. I can talk to her about anything, & we're like best friends.

 

I admit that I've made some bad choices in the past concerning my relationships with people. I've been in an abusive relationship, & my mom has known about all of this.

 

I've been with my current bf for about 2 months now. My mom hasn't met him yet, but she's already starting to make assumptions about what kind of person he is & how I can do so much better.

 

She had a talk with me the other night, & explained to me that she's starting to question my judgment in men & she's afraid that I'll make the wrong choice. I tried to stay calm & explained to her that my new bf is nothing like my ex. She said I always "settle" when I can do so much better.

 

My mom has had a pretty rough past. She got married at the age of 20 to the wrong person. My dad ended up being a worthless husband/father. They divorced after 12 years of marriage, & he was never around.

 

I can understand her frustration & worry for me, but I just want her to trust that when the time comes in my life to consider marriage, I will look for "marriage material". For right now, I don't want her to worry. I tried explaining to her that in the meantime, I just want to enjoy my life & date around, be in relationships...but I'm not thinking about marriage.

 

She says she wants to meet my bf, & he's ok with it. He's going to meet her this week. My mom tends to ask questions like "What are you studying?", "What do you do?" etc. He's currently not going to school. He has a business that he just started & he's dedicating his time to that. My mom tends to place me on the pedestal, & has really high expectations of the guys I date.

 

Any advice on what I should do?

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As a mom to a girl your age, I can honestly say that I don't think any guy is good enough for my little girl. There is nothing you can say that will sway her and the way she feels. She will have to see for herself that your boyfriend is good enough.

 

Keep in mind that mom's have a 6th sense. You can paint him to be a wonderful man but she will likely pick up on something that doesn't sit right with her. Don't be mad, she's just doing her job as a mom.......

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As a mom to a girl your age, I can honestly say that I don't think any guy is good enough for my little girl. There is nothing you can say that will sway her and the way she feels. She will have to see for herself that your boyfriend is good enough.

 

Keep in mind that mom's have a 6th sense. You can paint him to be a wonderful man but she will likely pick up on something that doesn't sit right with her. Don't be mad, she's just doing her job as a mom.......

 

 

I know what you mean.

 

I'm definitely not mad at her. I can understand where she's coming from. I guess it just bothers me that she gets so caught up with my relationships. She doesn't allow me to make my own mistakes & realize things on my own.

 

She hasn't even SEEN my bf yet, & she said, "I can already tell he's no better than your ex".

 

The thing is, education is so important to her. She tells me to "date people who are dedicated to school & have goals to achieve". I understand why she says that, but not everyone wants to go to school for years or obtain an advanced degree. You can be a great person & only have a BA or GED.

 

Ugh, I dunno...

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Thank you!

 

I was thinking of "warning" him beforehand.

 

We're going to Vegas this weekend, so I was thinking of just having him briefly meet her before we hit the road. I don't want them to sit down and have an hour long conversation quite yet lol I want her to have a chance to just see him for who he is rather than for what he does or what his goals are.

 

My aunt met him for a few minutes, & she said he's so nice & outspoken. She definitely approved of him. I'm hoping my mom does, too.

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Have you met his mom yet? I also have a son that is 21 and he's been with his girlfriend for a couple of years and I swear she is not good enough for him, but then again I don't think anyone will be good enough for my baby....LOL

 

Yes I have. He says his parents loved me & his sisters, too

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Well, I would say she is just a mum looking out for you.

 

You say you talk with her about everything... maybe you say things that triggers thoughts about her troubled relationships? Even if it's not intentional?

 

I know that friends of mine have said things about their boyfriends that i may have taken entirely out of context and thought, "he said WHAT to you?!?!?"

 

When really it didn't mean that at all.

 

she is obviously worried and extra concerned because your your past abusive relationships as well.

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