I don't know what to do.

[The Wanderer]

Please excuse the length of this, I don't blame anyone for not wanting to deal with it, I really just need to vent. I would appreciate any thoughts though.

 

 

Hey guys, I have a long story for you that I was hoping to get some thoughts on. I think this is the right spot to post it. I stumbled upon this forum today after what I think is my all time low in regards to my relationship situation. My feelings really are from my life overall though, and I really need to vent. Everyone around me tries to analyze me constantly, and it's getting very frustrating. Anyway, I can't handle talking to the people around my so I figured, "Hey, why not the internet? No one knows me there!". I recently went through a heartbreak that I don't think I'll ever get over.

 

I think I should start by giving a little bit of information about my life as I am a young man, if you could call me that, at the age of nineteen. I've lived a fairly privileged life, being from a family who loves me and their only child. Since I was young we constantly traveled, as my parents are avid scuba divers who took me everywhere they went to dive. I eventually joined them when I was old enough, and had a blast doing it. I got to see exotic locations and experience things that when I look back on, make me smile. I had a rocky set of teen years though. I was a late bloomer, and experienced my first girlfriend at the age of thirteen. The problem was that the hormones were not flowing and I was not aggressive in the "relationship". I was "with" this girl for two years or more, into the freshman year of high school. Because we had barely even kissed, she left me for some guy who took her virginity and dumped her soon after. I had developed by then for the most part, so girls were more interesting to me. I soon became alienated from my class mates though, due to people's dislike for me and some unsettling rumors that never left me until I left high school. I had my friends, don't get me wrong, I just hated most people I went to school with. Once I arrived at college (free ride from the parents, yay!), I almost immediately met a girl who I really liked. It went south, nothing really happened, but it messed me up because my friends made fun of me for not sleeping with her. (I didn't because she was emotionally shot from her last boyfriend). Anyway, I needed to escape from my environment, and I got my wish. I ended up going to Europe over Thanksgiving vacation to visit my friend there who was studying abroad. This would begin my current problems.

 

Europe was amazing. I spent most of my time in the U.K., London specifically because that is where my friend was studying. I stayed in a nice hotel, right in the middle of the city. It was great. I got to see Amsterdam (oh boy, did I "see" it!), and do all sorts of things. What was best about the trip was that I met this girl there. It turned out she was actually moving to a town that is minutes from my college campus! It was too good to be true, she's beautiful, great personality, funny, and most of all, liked me. I took her out a few times in London, to eat, walked the town, had a few drinks together, the works. The night before I left we kissed, and she said she couldn't wait to be with me back in the states. After kissing her in front of that subway station in the middle of the city, I could have run down that street jumping for joy and screaming my head off back to my hotel. I flew back home happier than I could ever recall being. I'll always remember that trip, I met some of the most interesting people and experienced the most incredible things.

 

If you couldn't tell by now, I was a virgin until I met this girl who I considered to be so very special. She eventually made it back home, and we began our relationship. The problem was, her ex-boyfriend had moved to my home town basically, and she wanted to be friends with him and see him. I had absolutely no problem with this, I'm not the jealous type. Anyway, to make a very long story short, they both wanted to get back together when she got back to the U.S., but were not going to because she got really drunk one night, and ended up almost having sex with her RA, but stopped him once she realized what was happening. He did not like that and told her he was screwing around. She then told him that she met me, and she did not want to be with him. It turned out he was "lying" to make her jealous, although I think he actually was screwing around, from the sound of it. Anyway, we were having a great time back here, I took her out to nice places to eat, treated her like a princess, everything.

 

One night she came over after hanging out with him for the afternoon, while I was home for the weekend from school. She was acting strange, and to make a yet another long story short, she broke down in tears and told me that she kissed him. I thought she had sex with him at first, but nevertheless, I was devastated. She broke up with me the next morning after sleeping over.

 

Here is my mistake. We are currently "F*#$ Buddies". I am a moron for doing it, but I am emotionally attached to her. She took my virginity away after making me feel like she would stay with me. I feel raped honestly. I always thought I give that up to someone that deserved it, and she certainly did not. It's my own damn fault, I know, but nonetheless, I feel like I've been robbed. Why the hell could she just have told me earlier, before we had sex? She knew she had feelings for him, so why take me for a ride? She's so amazing to me, but I can't figure out why I feel so strongly about her, because she does not deserve it.

 

It is now many weeks later, and he basically wanted nothing to do with her, and now he does for some reason. Apparently she's going down there this weekend to see him, the same weekend I'm going home too. She told me today she was going to have sex with him. I told her we are done having sex then, and I stood up for myself today. She makes everything my fault, although it is completely her fault for doing this to me. I didn't insult her today, I simply said we were done having sex.

 

Let me paint a picture of this guy for you. I'd like to say first that I do not dislike this person, because I've never met him, although I hear he wants to kill me. He is a guy my age living by himself in my home city. His parents are divorced and don't pay much attention to him. He works a job that barely pays the rent, and is from what I gather, is unstable. My ex-girlfriend had to help him pay his rent the other day for example. One night, after hanging out with me in my home town, he called her, and asked what she was doing. She said she was driving, he asked from where, she said "(my home town)", and he flipped out knowing she was with me. He proceeded to call her a * * * * * and every other disrespectful name in the book. This guy apparently loves her, and she loves him. I'm afraid he will hurt her both mentally and possibly physically. I think he is afraid of me somewhat because I am an avid sportsman, specifically with firearms, and she likes to tell him about my "redneck tendencies".

 

So there's the story. Everyone around me says how nice of a guy I am, always putting others before myself. I just see myself as a normal guy who treats people how they should be treated, and treat them how I'd like to be treated. I'm tired of hearing about how nice I am, or how it's her loss. Although, I have enough self-esteem to say it is in fact her loss, but whatever. I don't understand how you could go from a guy who treats you like the most precious thing on earth, does anything for you, loves you, and treats you like you should be treated; to what she is going to. I feel like women are all the same. I feel they are all self centered, and essentially only care about their own feelings. I hope I am not offending any females on this board, but it's how I feel. I've lost something I'll never get back, and I think I've lost a good amount of respect for women from what I've seen, not only from this girl, but all the others I have encountered, minus a hand full of exceptions. I don't know how to describe how I feel, I just needed to rant. Thanks to anyone who read this, or provides some thoughts. I apologize again for the length. Thank you.

[lostandhurt]

Wanderer,

 

This girl seems very selfish and needy while her bf seems insecure and unstable. You need to bow out completely and put as much distance from this girl as possible. You feel like you were used and perhaps you were in the beginning, but when you chose to be a F buddy with her it became your doing altogether.

 

Her intentions mean little now as you were hurt by her actions. Your feelings for her since she was your first can be strong but not permanent. It is not healthy for you to continue to be any kind of friend to her as you need to heal from this. No Contact will be your best path to healing and learning. As you distance yourself from all this you will start to see more clearly and learn from your mistakes.

 

Lastly: His character should not matter to you at all, only to her. If she wants to date an ax murderer it is her choice to do so.

 

she may be special to you but for your own good you need to stay away from her completely

 

lost

[Seymore]

I understand your animosity towards women. I feel the same way, especially after having my heart broken. They're all the same, they're only interested in their own gain in a relationship, and the list goes on. I too am sick of being the nice guy, turning the other cheek and treating others how you'd like to be treated. Being religious, I try to live by those last two no matter what and I constantly get burned. It sucks.

 

But the truth is, there are millions upon millions of women on this earth. When you think of all the ones who have broken your heart, it's a drop in the bucket compared to the big number, I don't care if 100 women broke your heart. I truly believe there are good women out there (even on this forum )

 

Don't lose hope. If she went from a good guy to a jerk, she can deal with the consequences. Sometimes people (women/men) need that to knock them straight.

[thedude27]

There are some very nice. loving and selfless women around, just like there are bad ones. There are some a-hole guys like your ex found and some nice ones (like you), you have to look around and you will find them.

 

That being said I think you found a pretty selfish one and she found her equal with her ex. I know she means a lot to you being your first but it sounds like you'd be a lot better off finding someone nice and let them be miserable with each other.

[Seymore]

it sounds like you'd be a lot better off finding someone nice and let them be miserable with each other.

 

Lol, makes me think of George Costanza's parents. You want that for the rest of your life? Not me.

[thedude27]

 

 

Of course you'd be missing out on festivus...what to do...? airing of grevances/feats of strength anyone?

[Seymore]

Oh yeah, forgot about that!

[The Wanderer]

Thanks guys. I'll have to consider it. Cutting myself off from her seems like the logical thing to do, but I can't bring myself to do it. I don't want her to be unhappy but as you guys said, it's her doing. I've got some thinking to do it looks like.