riley123 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Hey guys, So I’ve been seeing someone for just about a month now and things have been going really, really well. We definitely have ‘the spark’ which is very exciting. Anyway, I was with her last night and she mentioned that she’d like me to stay over next weekend. I’m not sure if that implies sleeping with me – or just spending the night together, but a big part of me (and I know as a guy that I sound pathetic, LOL) feels like it’s just too soon. I’ve dated a lot of girls in the last year, but really haven’t experienced a connection like this, and I’d hate to for it to change. So, my question is how and what do I tell her so she’s not offended? She extended the invite so I guess she could interpret it as a rejection of some kind. So ladies I could really use your advice… Do I just tell her the truth? Make up an excuse? Other suggestions? Thanks, everyone! Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 That is great news you have met someone. Be honest no matter what. I will leave it to the ladies here to help you phrase it just right. lost Link to comment
Ac143 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Do you not what her to stay over 1 night or you dont want to have sex yet? OR both? Either way I think you should be completely honest & tell her you want to take things slow, personally I would not be offended & would think you are being really respectful, considersate & overall a great guy. Do not make up an excuse!! Link to comment
Mutley Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Be honest. Tell her you think you have something special and do not want to ruin it by moving too fast. There will be plenty of time for it in the future. You may come off very gentlemanly in the end. Link to comment
doyathink Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Wow, I didn't know they still made guys like you. If you're up to spending the night with her, but don't want to have sex...then tell her . You'd like to spend the night holding each other, but feel it's too soon for sex, and tell her why. Link to comment
riley123 Posted February 9, 2009 Author Share Posted February 9, 2009 I would be open to spending the night with her, but I’m not sure if I would be able to just 'spend the night,' ha-ha, I’m very attracted to her. And I’d rather not put either of us in that situation only to end up regretting it. Ok, I figured honesty would be best. Any suggestions for how I should/could phrase it? I really don’t want her to think I’m rejecting her somehow, and I know girls have a way of dissecting things! Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 If you two are getting along so well, have been together for a bit now, and have the "spark" then I guess I'm a bit confused as to why your worried this would be something either of you regret. Of course, if your not comfortable with it, I don't think you should...but I'm just not sure why you think this would change your connection in a bad way? Link to comment
Ac143 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Riley - I have to think about this but I gotta run, I will post something more thought out later. But I would love if a guy said something along the lines of "I love spending time with you, I feel like we have a great connection but dont want to do anything too soon that might hurt our future" Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 she's gonna think you aren't attracted to her. you can stay the night, hold her and what not, you don't have to do the deed. Link to comment
riley123 Posted February 9, 2009 Author Share Posted February 9, 2009 If you two are getting along so well, have been together for a bit now, and have the "spark" then I guess I'm a bit confused as to why your worried this would be something either of you regret. Of course, if your not comfortable with it, I don't think you should...but I'm just not sure why you think this would change your connection in a bad way? I don't know. I haven't been with anyone else since my ex, and sex is a pretty big deal to me. I guess that I'm really enjoying getting to know her on a very basic level and would be worried about 'sleeping with someone too soon' syndrome. Link to comment
riley123 Posted February 9, 2009 Author Share Posted February 9, 2009 she's gonna think you aren't attracted to her. you can stay the night, hold her and what not, you don't have to do the deed. I'd like to think I could, but it's all over the minute I see her in a tank-top and shorts. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 so you ARE ready? what would change that you are so worried about? Link to comment
riley123 Posted February 9, 2009 Author Share Posted February 9, 2009 so you ARE ready? what would change that you are so worried about? To sleep with her? I would say no, I'm not. I guess I would just worry about the lightheartedness of me and her hanging out would change. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 i guess i don't see it the way you do. you are seeing this girl for this long and you don't feel the physical yet? just weird to me. Link to comment
riley123 Posted February 9, 2009 Author Share Posted February 9, 2009 i guess i don't see it the way you do. you are seeing this girl for this long and you don't feel the physical yet? just weird to me. Yea, I know…it’s a little strange to hear this from a guy. LOL. I could certainly get physical -- and certainly want to, but I guess the bottom line is that I want to continue getting to know her before we sleep together. Link to comment
Ac143 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Yea, I know…it’s a little strange to hear this from a guy. LOL. I could certainly get physical -- and certainly want to, but I guess the bottom line is that I want to continue getting to know her before we sleep together. So tell her just that!! There is nothing wrong with it & actually quite rare to find a guy that wants this. She is a very lucky lady - IMO. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 it's not that you are a guy, but she is ready to take it to the next level. i just don't see where the dynamic would change. i think if it's going as well as you say so far, this might bring you closer or she will feel much closer to you. Link to comment
riley123 Posted February 9, 2009 Author Share Posted February 9, 2009 So tell her just that!! There is nothing wrong with it & actually quite rare to find a guy that wants this. She is a very lucky lady - IMO. Thanks, AC! Link to comment
riley123 Posted February 9, 2009 Author Share Posted February 9, 2009 it's not that you are a guy, but she is ready to take it to the next level. i just don't see where the dynamic would change. i think if it's going as well as you say so far, this might bring you closer or she will feel much closer to you. Good points, Ghost.... Link to comment
Jess2006 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Yea, I know…it’s a little strange to hear this from a guy. LOL. I could certainly get physical -- and certainly want to, but I guess the bottom line is that I want to continue getting to know her before we sleep together. Tell her this! You are going to be honest with her, and its coming from your heart. At first I would think she would be a little surprised to hear this from a guy, but once it sinks in I'm sure she will think you are very sweet and respectful. At least I think that. Link to comment
Jess2006 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 i guess i don't see it the way you do. you are seeing this girl for this long and you don't feel the physical yet? just weird to me. Well, it has only been a month, he says, that he has been dating her. Now, if it was longer than that, maybe four or five months, and the guy told me that, than I would start wondering if he wasn't attracted to me. Happened to me once, it was six months already, and he never tried anything with me (said he was a conservative and respectful guy). I just felt that he didn't like me at all. And sure enough, he faded out. Link to comment
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