winter whiteout Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 I posted about my work crush a lot this past year and my co-worker told me she thought she saw a wedding ring on his finger. All the time I went up to him and saw him walking by I did not see a ring. I know that does not mean anything. But when I went up to his office and was talking to him I only saw pictures of his son and I asked about his son once and he did not mention a wife. He really was not that friendly at all to me when I went up to him to talk. I feel horrible if he is married because I don't flirt with married men and me being a victim of a woman who went after my ex husband I am even more sensitive to never flirt with a married man or a man who even has a girlfriend. I feel like a fool I wasted all the time being in this fantasy and he was never really interested and already taken. I have figured out my high sex drive was the biggest part of it and it is the main reason I am desperate for a man being I have not had sex for 4 years. So I bought a vibrator to take care of that so I will not want to seek someone out. Although I am barely surviving I can support myself and have some friends I can see once in a while. My parent's are getting up there in age so I am trying to see them as much as I can. I just want to get to the point where I am 100% ok with not ever being with a man again. Truth being I don't believe in love anymore especially after my husband left. We had so much in common and were so much in love. Everyone said we were two peas in a pod and were most likely to stay together. But now my sexual appetite is what is drawing me to want to be with someone but nothing else. Why would I want to go through that traumatic experience again? I know some of you would say not everyone is like that but anyone can change at anytime because you never know what life can bring you. But back to my crush (ex crush now) I feel like the scum of the earth lusting after him all this time (about 1.5 years) but hopefully my sex drive will calm down after taking care of business with my new vibrator. Thank you all for listening. I am sorry if I jumped all over the place with my thread but I want my desire for men to be over soon so I can live the rest of my life in peace and be happy with myself and other people whatever their hopes and dream are. Peace to all of you.
Simply Brett Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 I just want to get to the point where I am 100% ok with not ever being with a man again. This is the first, and only line of your post which I read or am going to read. (I have read the thread title also.) Based on what this line says, I can tell you were either previously seriously heart broken or traumatized by the loss of a loved one. With that being said, I suggest you try to stray from the idea that life has to be so black and white. People don't "have" to do anything. You don't need to be with, or be with out a man you can just be. The only way to do that, is to enjoy things for what they are. Taking a walk in the rain doesn't mean the walk was terrible - it means you walked in the rain. Sure you got wet, and you were uncomfortable doing so but next time the sun is out and you decide to go for a walk, you can recall upon the time when you walked in the rain. You can remember how uncomfortable it was so you may be that much more grateful for the sun being out allowing you to go for a walk with out the hassle. You know the clouds will come out again and you may again have to walk in the rain, however since you have done it before you know what to expect. You may now chose weather or not you want to walk through puddles, and wear those heavy wet clothes or sit this one out. Maybe this time you wanna sit this one out. That's absolutely fine. You may sit this one out, but don't confine yourself to thinking that every day you want to go for a walk that it's going to rain, or you will end up never seeing the beautiful sunset again. I'll say no more, I hope if you ever get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
KG Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 WW, Your co-worker said "thought". But you did not see a ring, and only pics of his son. So the co-worker could be wrong. And if he is married, but didn't have a ring on, how is that any fault of yours that you flirted with him? Give yourself some slack.
winter whiteout Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 WW, Your co-worker said "thought". But you did not see a ring, and only pics of his son. So the co-worker could be wrong. And if he is married, but didn't have a ring on, how is that any fault of yours that you flirted with him? Give yourself some slack. I know KG but he really want not friendly at all and I thought he was walking by my department to look at me but I was 100% wrong. My darn hormones was making me not think straight. My ex's new wife was after him when we were married so I am even more extra sensitive to never flirt with a married or taken man. If I can only curb or kill my sex drive I will be all set.
BeStrongBeHappy Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 I think this should not be a question of giving up men, but not spending too much time fantasizing about any man you aren't actively dating and know his status. You should get out and meet a lot of different men if you can, rather than just focusing on one 'crush' that you are really attracted to but who might not be a good choice due to being married etc. You get hurt when you invest a lot of emotion/fantasy/thought into someone you aren't actually dating who hasn't shown an equal interest in you. I don't think you should give up on men, just get out there more and meet a lot of them and don't invest too much emotion into anybody until you are sure that he wants to date you and is available.
winter whiteout Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 Well it's official, my ex crush is married. He was actually in his office playing with his wedding ring while my co-worker walked by his office. I went to the bathroom and he was coming out and I did not say a word but he whispered hi, looked down and walked away. I did see the ring but all the other times I saw him this past 1.5 years he did not have one on. Don't get me wrong I did not just think about him I tried a lot of dating sites and no one was interested in wanting to meet me. They all want a woman who can be physcial and do things with which I can't because of my condition. But I am upset that I was crushing on a married man because I was the victim of a woman going after my ex husband who ended up with him and I would never do that for the respect of the other woman and their marriage. I was saying yesterday that I bought a vibrator to help curb my sex drive so I won't think about men. Well one of my co-workers was telling me that she was upset because she wanted to make love to her boyfriend, soon fiancee this morning but she couldn't because he back was hurting. I nearly lost it. Then as it got later in the night they all started to talk about their Valentine's plan with their honey's, and a few of them are able to have the day off because I volunteered to work because I don't have a life. I am happy for them but upset because I don't know how to turn off the feelings of not wanting a man in my life. I am no spring chicken and I am going to be facing my senior years sooner than later. I hate feeling like this. I have not been touched for 4 years now.
Clarity Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 No harm, no foul. Stop being so down on yourself - that is 99% of your problem in my humble opinion. You're so negative about yourself!
Liana Palooz Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 "He really was not that friendly at all to me when I went up to him to talk." I have to ask, why did you continue crushing on him then? -- May I ask if you developed a crush on him because he at least appeared emotionally unavailable, and you are too scared to venture into a relationship yet? If you are stressing because you had a crush on a married man, due to your past, I wouldn't in this case. One, because he didn't appear to return the feelings & second, it isn't as though you pursued him knowing of his marital status. Best of luck finding a suitable & available mate..
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