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Where has the spark gone? Should I keep looking for it?


rascal84

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Hi,

 

Haven't used this site since my relationship break up almost two years ago. I have had a few very breif relationships but nothing to write home about!

 

Then at the beginning of December i met a guy. He was lovely, kind, great looking, thoughtful and made my world suddenly become an amzing place...i was so happy. Thing was, i was going away to South Africa at Christmas for 5 weeks. We made the most of seeing each other and he was really keen to continue things when i got back. Whilst away we stayed in regular contact and it was great having a constant as i travelled around over there on my own so knowing he was on the other end of the phone or email felt great. I couldn't wait to get back to see him.

 

However, since being back a week ago, things just aren't the same. We get on well and can chat for ages, but there is no spark. He doesn't make me laugh and i find some of the things he does annoying. I don't understand why it has changed so much for me, but i'm wondering if the elation i felt before was due to the fact i knew i was going away. He is very full on, taking a whole week off work to spend time with me, which was hard as i have a wide varitey of friends in different circles and was desperate to see them too. He's booked to go to a festival in the summer and even brought a tent. He has put a picture of us up in his room....it all feels too much.

 

Basically, I dont know what to do. I have told him i feel suffocated and need some space, which he is giving me, but i know he doesnt want it to finish. However, do I continue seeing him because on paper he ticks all the right boxes and hope that the spark will return??...... or do i walk away now before i end up hurting him even more, but potentially loose a great thing.

 

Just some advice would be welcomed please. Maybe you've been in my position. I'm 24, but feel scared i'm going to end up lonely if i stop looking for more and don't just settle for what most people would claim i'm lucky to have found.

 

Thanks for reading.

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Hey Rascal,

 

It seems that your being away created a lot of expectations with regard to feelings for each other. You met JUST before you left, it's not like you spend a couple of months working on a relationship. I think that a change of heart this soon indicates (more often than not) that it's simply not there- the spark I mean. When you just met, it did seem like it, but whatever was there was not enough to set a fire in you.

 

Please keep in mind that staying together longer, while you've already checked out of the idea of developing a relationship with him, will hurt him more than breaking up now. Relationships are not on paper, and he deserves to be with someone who wouldn't be able to stop talking about how great he is, if you know what I mean

 

On the other hand. Do you think it's possible you will feel the spark when he backs off a little? In that case, you could discuss some 'breathing space' for you, and ask him if he would be ok to take things a bit slower. To me, putting up pictures of someone who you JUST met, and booking things for holidays... seems a bit too much too soon. Maybe he doesn't realize that he is suffocating you and putting out the spark (assuming the feeling is just suppressed by his behavior).

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Thanks Arwen,

 

I think you may be right in saying that by him backing off, the feelings i originally had may come back. I expect like most...the chase is part of what makes a relationship at the start exciting and his 'keen-ness' is making it all too easy and prehaps not allowing me to really understand how i'm feeling.

 

I think my best move would to be to fully explain how i feel and that i'd like to keep seeing him,but go back to 'dating' again. If i dont promise him anything, i hope he will be prepared for it to go either way.

 

I wish i knew what was making me feel like this!

 

Why are relationships so hard!?!

 

Thanks again.

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