insensitive much?

[hiphop3]

this is more of a vent but i gotta rant any ways.

 

so my bf and i were laying on the couch and he was kissing my hands and saw the scars on my wrists..i guess he's never noticed them before (there are 3 small ones, but 2 most noticeable). he asks what happened and i said i had cut myself (i have told him i had a difficult past struggling with depression and i told him once over instant messaging that i had done it a few times when i was younger - that conversation was probably 7 months ago).

he then proceeded with saying.."weird"

and then tried to re cooperate by asking why i had done it and being sympathetic.

any ways, i got pretty mad and annoyed. i didn't throw a fit or any thing but i said something along the lines up: "wow, that's you're reaction? that's a pretty insensitive thing to say about something like that. you basically just told me i'm weird for having done that."

and then he said "i'm sorry i just said it, what am i supposed to say? i tried to talk to you about it after i said it."

as if that makes up for it...what are you supposed to say? NOT THAT! geeeeezzzzzzz. and i don't even like talking about that part of my past much. and he also said he didn't know it was such a big deal. i'm assuming he said this b/c it was only brought up once, briefly, over the internet. but come on, how can it not be a big deal to some one who has cut? that's a crazy personal piece of info and a really dark thing to have gone through. you definitely would have had to be in a pretty messed up state to do that to yourself. not to mention it was 1/3 of my life.

i swear he has no brain some times when it comes to stuff like this.

i could be blowing this out of proportion and i'm sure i'll calm down in an hour or two, but i don't even want to talk to him right now.

[laisla]

i had a similar issue with this before..i know that you and i really just want to feel normal, and cared for. people on ENA have told me some good advice. that is, other people don't usually know how to react when they encounter someone who cut. as a result they might say something really dumb. plus, coming from your bf it can hurt more than it would coming from someone else.

 

try to forgive him for his mistake.

[sarey]

Not many understand why we do it, and are like that, they have lack of understanding, try to see his side of this, it may come in handy no?

 

Don't let this ruin your relationship. It's in the past.

[hiphop3]

i just feel like i should be able to talk to my bf about this. not just HIM but any bf i have for that matter. in a relationship you should be able to comfortably share these types of things. he really likes to avoid conversations like that though, like some times i will go see my therapist, maybe 2x a month, and it will weird him out. and i have considered going on anti depressants again when we started going out, i was 20 (i was on and off of them for a few years when i was recovering from every thing) and i know that weirded him out and i could see he was kind of opposed.

he doesn't really get therapy and medications, and thinks that if you have a problem you just 'get over it' or in his situation, bury it. his parents are eastern european and his dad was raised in a communist country, and that may have something to do with it too. they freak out if he takes more than 2 advil at once.

any ways, i guess it just feels wrong to me that it appears that i shouldn't even bother/try to talk to him about things like this.

[veneratio]

My ex used to cut herself and I couldn't understand why and once I saw her scars I didn't really know what to say. I kinda did what your bf did..asked her why..when was the last time..tried to understand..kissed them. Hopefully that made up for something. It's hard to know what to say to that. Maybe it just caught him off guard? Or he didn't know how to react?

[hiphop3]

yeah i guess that's the case. i just don't see how some one can lack such tact in that kind of situation. there are a million things you could say, even if it's just bs. but maybe i am setting my standards too high since it's a hard thing to understand if you haven't been through it. and i guess since i was 10 yrs old when i first did it, i don't see how it is such a confusing thing to grasp.

[scorpio47]

Try not to be so hard on him. You're absolutely, it wasn't the most sensitive or caring reaction, but you do have to admit that it is an unusual one. If he hadn't said anything after, I'd tend to agree with you, but he did try to recover and talk to you about it after. It wasn't malicious or intentional, so try to just let it go and understand that he probably doesn't understand why that happened.

[Rosee]

It doesn't sound like he was being deliberately insensitive but I also think it's important that you are with someone who has the ability to empathise and be understanding and open minded about what you have gone through and be able to provide some support when you're going through stuff in future..I know some people are the 'get over it' types and it's not always the best match for a more sensitive person; however people can always grow.