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Submissive men and dominant women?


xxNPxx

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I've been reading some *ahem* erotic literature lately and have found a real interest in dominant women. Not so much as a sexual turn on, but more of an interesting concept. Such women are fascinating to me because, in essense it's like a perfect relationship for shy guys. Girl picks up guy, girl does social work and specifies everything she wants in bed. For shy guys that's got to be a no lose situation. Except girls like that don't really exist. "Dominant women" are not like that in real life. Real "dominant women" will simply be more confrontational, uncontrollable, and more encouraging of sexual aggressiveness in bed. Of course that could just be a culture thing.

 

So my question is, guys would you go out with a more dominant woman like the one I described above?

 

This brings me to a thought I recently about shyness and masculinity. Usually masculinity and femininity are measured on a scale. Some men could be in between, meaning that they are mentally (keyword here is MENTALLY) more feminine than masculine according to western culture. As a shy guy I was put as androgynous, or about equal. When others were asked to raise their hands only a few had androgynous while men had masculine and girls had feminine. So I am now thinking that, how masculine or feminine a person is might also influence their shyness.

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I'm not a man, but if i was i would probably date a dominant woman just for fun. But honestly? For fun, not as into making her your wife. I feel men need to be manly where as women should be lady-like. Period. I would say go for the assertive woman. She'll have a bit of the dominance you are looking for mixed with lady-like features.

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I like the switch of roles on occasion.

 

I consider myself both dominant and submissive.

 

I like to be taken but I like to take as well.

 

Really, the only thing holding me back is how I was brought up. Society has taught me that I should be innocent and that the guy should advance. I am working on shaking that. It isn't much fun.

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Not all shy men are submissive. There is such thing as the strong silent type who evaluates things carefully before making a move. And what translates to shyness in new situations, doesn't necessarily translate to someone being shy interacting with their one and only.

 

well put. Surprised that more women are posting on this then men...lol.

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Interesting responses. Though I do see myself as a strong silent type who is naturally shy because of the serious amount of time I spend in introspection. But I do kinda fell like a "robot" when I'm around a lot of people and not acting how I naturally am which is shy. Though I see myself as the strong silent type I'm probably not really that "strong" at all but I'm no doormat.

 

I would not mind marring a dominant type like that one I described simply because I do not care over who is more dominant in the relationship. I could be my shy and comfortable self without being this fake person that I always have to be when I'm around people and have to talk.

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Except girls like that don't really exist. "Dominant women" are not like that in real life. Real "dominant women" will simply be more confrontational, uncontrollable, and more encouraging of sexual aggressiveness in bed. Of course that could just be a culture thing.

 

I find it kind of offending that you believe all "dominant" women are confrontational, uncontrollable, and sexually aggressive. Who says dominant women can't be in control of their dominance? I've met plenty of independent women who aren't uncontrollable or aggressive.

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How old are you? Because shyness can prevent you from many things in life. I would know because i used to be extremely shy to the point people would say "shut up" when i wasn't talking. I suggest finding ways to boost your self-confidence. Self confidence is very sexy whether you are attractive or not. It's a huuuuge plus. Ps. i watched a horrible episode of trading spouses where the woman was dominant and the husband was not, and well...it was horrible the type of treatment that poor man got his real wife that the other one who with all her flaws was more confident and more loving towards a complete stranger then his own wife.

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How old are you? Because shyness can prevent you from many things in life. I would know because i used to be extremely shy to the point people would say "shut up" when i wasn't talking. I suggest finding ways to boost your self-confidence. Self confidence is very sexy whether you are attractive or not. It's a huuuuge plus. Ps. i watched a horrible episode of trading spouses where the woman was dominant and the husband was not' date=' and well...it was horrible the type of treatment that poor man got his real wife that the other one who with all her flaws was more confident and more loving towards a complete stranger then his own wife.[/quote']

 

20 but I don't thinkg that shyness has prevented me from anything but getting a girlfriend and making friends. I am somewhat attractive and I have accomplished nearly all my goals in life. I have written one book though I still have two unfinished ones. I have formal training in art and have taken it up as a hobby with creating many works that I find amazing. I speak another language and am currently working on learning another. I have owned two blogs and worked as a moderator on a site (something I always wanted to do on a site I frequented often).

 

Also, about the woman you saw on trading spouses. There's a difference between being controlling and bossy and being dominant. Sure it fits under the umbrella but I'm not including those type of women in my ideals of dominant women simply because such types are not very desirable. I have met the kind of woman that you have described and I can happily say that I have brought such woman to tears or fits of shouting with nothing more then cold hard logic and a bit of stubbornness.

 

 

I find it kind of offending that you believe all "dominant" women are confrontational, uncontrollable, and sexually aggressive. Who says dominant women can't be in control of their dominance? I've met plenty of independent women who aren't uncontrollable or aggressive.

 

Lost I've never met any women like that. I have never met any women as the ones you have described.

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20 but I don't thinkg that shyness has prevented me from anything but getting a girlfriend and making friends. I am somewhat attractive and I have accomplished nearly all my goals in life. I have written one book though I still have two unfinished ones. I have formal training in art and have taken it up as a hobby with creating many works that I find amazing. I speak another language and am currently working on learning another. I have owned two blogs and worked as a moderator on a site (something I always wanted to do on a site I frequented often).

 

 

Want my number? lol....kidding. I'm older than u, heh.

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Lost I've never met any women like that. I have never met any women as the ones you have described.

 

So you've only ever met either submissive women or women who are uncontrollably and aggressively dominant? Well I assure you that there are strong, independent and dominant women who exist and are in control of themselves and their lives.

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This brings me to a thought I recently about shyness and masculinity. Usually masculinity and femininity are measured on a scale. Some men could be in between, meaning that they are mentally (keyword here is MENTALLY) more feminine than masculine according to western culture. As a shy guy I was put as androgynous, or about equal. When others were asked to raise their hands only a few had androgynous while men had masculine and girls had feminine. So I am now thinking that, how masculine or feminine a person is might also influence their shyness.

 

Most tests I've taken that place you on that mental gender scale have me at average masculinity.

 

that being said, I can be quite shy when it comes to men I am interested in. Not with anything else, really, but just because I'm "masculine" doesn't stop me from being shy.

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I couldn't help but post on this. I used to date a guy that said he wanted a VERY dominant woman in his life. To the point where if I told him to give me money, he would say ok. The problem is that what he said and what he did were two totally different things. Alot of it, as I came to find out, what control. He had to be so controlled in his life, his job, around his friends, that he couldn't be who he was....and he was pretty f***ed up.

 

As for me personally, I'm of the idea that you can always try something once. I like to be dominant and aggressive, but I like for my husband to be the same way. It just depends on my mood I guess.

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with being dominant or shy. You are who you are and that's better than acting like someone you're not.

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Actually that's pretty common. Most of the men who have a desire that strong usually have a lot of control over everything. That's why studies have shown that men in positions of power prefer women who take control like that. It's an outlet to have someone else take control. Although that doesn't necessarily mean that other problems exist.

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  • 1 year later...

Ok I feel I need to answer this one fully and there are two posts that need it so I will post in both.

Myself and she who must be obeyed (that’s a big clue for you) got together 28 years ago and even though we both had jobs that had us in charge it soon became pretty clear who the dominant partner was. A year later we got married into what was a female led marriage, she took the promise to obey part out and I had it put in. Many will say it is a Dominant/submissive relationship, so be it, in all these years we have remained faithful and loving to each other and not felt the need to do the making me dress in her stuff or her going out to get lovers thing, being the submissive partner does not mean you have to have no balls, in fact quite the opposite.

I feel that some people wrongfully classify subversive men as weak men. Somewhere along the line, they have been wrongly told that submission in a man is weak. It is my opinion that we are the strongest of men.

As a truly submissive man I am a protector, a servant, a planner, as well as a graceful reflection of my Dominant Partner. I am conscious that my appearance is reflection of her and therefore endeavour myself to always be well put together. I am a silent reflection of her strength and a supporter of her dreams and goals. .

As a submissive man I act with dignity, in fact I act with the dignity of the best butler…anticipating her needs because I know her. I know she drinks a cup of tea before bed and strive to have it waiting for her when she retires. I know after a long day she will need a foot rub and at weekend a massage so I have learned to do these. I know after a bad day she want to have someone to moan and complain to without having an opinion or interruption, so I do that. I will always take her word as law and never question it and will always do as she asks.

I strive to posses the best of manners, and what I mean by this goes way deeper than what the general society believes. I go shopping with her and carry her bags, I always open the door for her, I pull out her chair every time, no matter the location. I stand when she leaves the dinner table, even when we are alone. I realise that my manners are a reflection of my deep gratitude for her.

As a submissive man I am a gentleman first. I am honourable. I don’t act out in order to seek what might be an enjoyable sexual favour or punishment. In fact, a punishment is never enjoyable; it’s a failing to please my Mistress. And it’s never fun.

The fun comes not only from the deep service I provide, but also when I am alone with my Mistress and a scene evolves. She knows me well and because I am indispensable to her, she will make every fantasy I have come true. When I am ill she cares for me deeply she forbids me to do a thing, it is at those moment I know how much she appreciates me.

She values me tremendously. I am not less than her, but an extension of her. I am invaluable because even though I am submissive to her, I am not submissive to everyone. I serve her and only her (mind you we have had a little fun in that with some of her female friends occasionally as she has a little bi tendency which I am happy to indulge her with), and in that service comes a sense of joy and purpose. It also defines me as a man, a strong man, a submissive man.

 

Anyway that is my opinion as a Manxman, maybe you lot accross the pond have a more primitive chest thumping attitude but this has worked for almost 30 years for us so that alone says something.

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  • 1 year later...

I met a girl in March that I dated until October, earlier this year. She was the persuer, initiated sex between us, was the one to ask me to be her boyfriend instead of me asking her to be my gf. She had an extremely dominant personality to the point where I was afraid of her sometimes, what she would think if I said something wrong and how she might lash out at me (and she did, often). She also controlled the frequency that we had sex, and what kind of sex it was. She would tell me to have sex with her so often that I couldn't keep up and sometimes dreaded it - so there would be a lot of one way oral where I was just getting her off and then she would roll over or go back to whatever she was doing. She'd get upset if I wasn't putting her on a pedestal or letting her get her way, and would use emotionally manipulative tactics to get me to submit.

 

The entire thing was mindblowing to me, and quite honestly by the end of the relationship I would often think "what the hell, she's making me her b*tch". I would dread going home to see her. It was extremely depressing, yet she had such a psychological hold on me by that point that I just tried harder and harder - to the point I was trying to give her what she wanted in the beginning, but she didn't want that anymore. I felt like I NEEDED her and she didn't NEED me. She knew this, and boy did she take advantage of it. She started talking to me like I didn't matter, only her feelings and desires mattered.

 

That isn't how it's supposed to be, it forced me to be submissive. Well, it didn't FORCE me to, but the only other option was breaking up with her, and I was scared to death of doing that since I'd been single my whole life up until meeting her. That's when I truly became nothing but a plaything for her. Though, once she had this psychological hold on me and I was basically worshipping her, is when I found the sex the most amazing it was in the relationship. Because I "needed" her and my body followed suit by "needing" her too.

 

By getting me to submit, it also did another thing to the relationship: it made her lose attraction for me. She would complain that I wasn't the strong protective type anymore. I couldn't calm her down when she was emotionally unstable, because I'd become so emotionally unstable myself. My emotions had basically gotten to a point where they were controlled by hers. If she was in a bad mood, I would become clingy and desperately trying to "fix" it. If she was in a good mood, I felt on top of the world. If she said something bad about me, my day was ruined and I felt destroyed.

 

I wouldn't want that kind of relationship again. No matter how good the sex was (to me!) once she had reduced me to being submissive, it made me feel like CRAP the rest of the time. Relationships should be give and give, not dominant and submissive.

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