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Is it possible to make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex?


Salucious

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I'm a 24 year old guy, still in college. I'm embarrassed to say I've never dated or even kissed a girl. I'm 5'5" in height and it has been hurting my confidence all my life. I've become shy over the years, and have what you could call social anxiety disorder (not that I've been diagnosed with it). It is very hard for me to be around people I don't know and almost impossible to make friends (the only friends I've had at college have been roommates). So I think people see me as very unconfident since I don't talk much and not social. If someone talks to me, even a pretty girl, I don't become nervous, I just lack social skills that make me seem like a fun guy, the kind that people would want to be around.

 

I was watching this special on the Discovery channel about the science of sexual attraction and it got me thinking how women see me. It took into account not just physical attraction, but a man's social status, financial situation, etc. I don't consider myself ugly, though I've never had a girl ever compliment me on my looks. And we all know most girls go for taller guys, even girls my height and shorter want a guy taller than me. So it is very difficult for me to feel comfortable in bars/clubs/social places because next to an average guy my age, I look small and weak, and I'm afraid that girls won't take me serious or give me a chance as much as the average guy. And because I'm shy and not very social, I don't really have a personality that can "make up for" my height (I know it isn't just my height hurting my chances with women). I know it is possible for me to attract more girls, I know I have a chance, I just don't know how to go about doing it.

 

The problem is I have little positive reinforcement to be confident and to attract women. I never had any friends that were popular with girls to learn from. I only have one good friend I hang out with and his confidence is probably worse than mine. The older I get, the more pathetic I feel for not having had relationships with girls.

 

I want to nip this in the bud, I want to be a better version of myself and start attracting girls. I think it's ridiculous that I'm 24 and don't even have any female friends. Has any other guy been able to improve their luck with women?

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Has any other guy been able to improve their luck with women?

 

I know a couple of guys who didn't even realize they were good looking or a catch till they were quite a bit older and then they realized it and started getting lots of girls. So, yes, you can certainly improve your chances with women no doubt about it. So they lived their lives without many women but you are lucky that you are realizing this at only 24! My biggest advice to you is to take chances...the worst thing that happens wont be that bad. Starts learning about yourself and your obstacles so you can better overcome them.

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I have a friend who's 5'5" and he doesn't have any problems with women. He's extremely charming and because he's such a good talker, I think women completely forget that he's 5'5". He also works out religiously, so he's pretty cut and I think that helps a lot too. So, maybe work on the body and practice your social skills with women. Maybe start with little things like little one liners to random women that you might come accross - like the barista when you're buying coffee, or the checkout lady at the grocery store. Do it withOUT the goal of hitting on them or trying to get a date out of it. You're just doing it for social practice. In fact, try it out on men too - just as a bro thing. You'd be surprised at who will talk back to you if you initiate a conversation. In your head later, review what you said and how they reacted. If you got a laugh or a smile - GREAT. Keep practicing. Try and gauge yourself on whether or not what you said accross might have come accross as creepy rather than charming or funny. If it did, don't worry about it - just try not to say the same thing again. If you want to get good, you're going to have live with the fact that you're going to make some mistakes. Don't worry, we all do.

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There are plenty of girls shorter than you. Myself included.

 

But, you do have to try a bit harder because, generally, taller is more desirable for men.

 

However, I know many shorter guys who are quite the ladies man. All of them are very outgoing though.

 

To make yourself more attractive, simple changes like skin care, teeth whitening, hair style, wearing darker shades of jeans, dressing a little sharper, a hint of cologne...etc...can make an "ugly" guy very desirable.

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You don't need to be around guys who attract women to build your confidence or reinforce you. I've been surrounded by that and up until I found my self worth it did me no good. Find something that makes you feel good about yourself. Since you pointed out that you appear smaller and weak, why not join a gym?

 

I don't know if I told my story to you, or someone else, but for awhile I didn't have too much confidence because of my build. I was always that scrawny/skinny/weak guy. I didn't speak up too often and often didn't know what to say in social settings because of my lack of confidence. I started working out and filled out. Not as much as I'd like, but a hell of a lot better than the 115lbs I started at. And now I feel like I don't even know who that person is. I'm still reserved in some settings, but I can carry conversations now, I'm not as rigid and fearful and shy. And I definitely attract more girls.

 

I think it's all about being comfortable. I know the whole "confidence attracts women" can seem cliche, but it's not so much the confidence than it is the confidence/happiness connection.

 

If you felt bigger/less weak would you feel more comfortable?

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To many women it isn't the height or the looks that matter in men, it's how they compose themselves. If a man seems unconfident and withdrawn, they're often overlooked in club settings because there are so many in your face guys around. Take time to realize all of your good attributes, and don't be shy about complimenting yourself. It sounds hokey, but focusing on the awesome things about you (and there are probably tons) can do wonders. Confidence is the key when it comes to getting along with women, especially strangers.

I really like the idea Zeitgeist had. Practicing a little bit at a time until you're comfortable enough interacting with women would be very helpful.

Don't expect too much of yourself; confidence can take a long time to achieve, and every little step counts.

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You have to get used to trying 3 or 4 times as hard. The more failures and rejections, the more you will learn. Unfortunately, height is important. Try dating women who may not care as much. I opened myself up to dating women of all nationalities to improve my chances.

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Biggest difference in my life so far was just becoming something/someone I was comfortable with. The more I eased into hobbies/recreational activities/passions and let them play into how I presented myself, the better off I was.

 

Following any specific advice most of the time won't get you anywhere...obviously there are the universal things like skin care, teeth, and weight, but everything else is divided into preference. Every female here could post their ideal man (what clothes he should wear, what scent he should use, shoes, hairstyle, whatever...) and whose advice would you follow? Their opinions will inevitably differ and you can't be everybody's ideal man.

 

I say mold yourself into something that allows you to be the very best version of you -- whatever style or image instills you with enough confidence to approach and connect with women will give you the best results. Any one of us can play dressup with you but if you aren't feeling it or aren't into it, it'll show.

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i find that a basic problem with people who are shy and socially anxious, myself included, is eye contact. It's not only important because people will see that you're confident, but it's literally one of the few avenues we have of telling whether people are reacting positively or negatively to us. So open your eyes, observe, watch people's body language. This will allow you to live in the moment and act and react appropriately. Also if you're busy with the present situation, you won't be so wrapped up in the whole self flagellation inner dialogue routine.

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What really counts to be attractive to the opposite sex is your confidence and personality. some girls may outwardly appear cold and unapproachable but they are not. Once you get to know them more you will find it is much easier to interact with them than you may have expected and you will find you can be more confident than you ever know you will be.

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I'm sorry you're feeling so down on yourself. My advice would be to make the most of your physical appearance. Not everyone can be tall and look like brad pitt, but well groomed, nicely presented men are highly attractive.

 

Also, just practice your social interaction and discourse. At college, get involved in discussions in your classes, and when you go out, force yourself to have a little chat with a few girls who look friendly. You can do a bit of research on body language and good conversational tips to help you out. Be brave. I hope it works out for you.

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Ya know... I'm a 5'10" female. I was always very popular and athletic and have always had an easy time with dating. I'm not trying to build myself up at all, and that probably isn't the greatest introduction, but it's the hard truth. That said, last summer I dated a guy who was 5'7". We'd known eachother all through high school and I'd never considered him as anything more than a buddy. This guy wasn't necessarily good-looking, but he was very sensitive to my needs and made me feel like a princess all the time.

 

My point is, you don't have to be tall or muscular or handsome to sweep a girl off her feet. Now, our relationship didn't work out for other reasons, but he was attractive to me because of how he made me feel. He listened to me, he was comfortable talking about lots of different things. He had a lot of hobbies (mountain biking, hiking, guitar, writing, etc) that he could talk about and teach me.

 

I think if I was going to give you some advice, the first thing would be to find 2 or 3 hobbies that you can get involved in. Make sure they are things you do with other people. The best way to find this is through a club at your college or just some place in town. If you want to get into biking, go to a bike shop and see if there is a riding club. Things like that. Just be sure it is something you are doing with others. That gives you an immediate social circle and some other people to relate to, who you have something in common with. Secondly, get yourself into a gym! This isn't just to get your body in great physical shape, but exercising simply makes you feel great about yourself. Go for 21 days straight, even when you feel stupid, and on the 22nd day, you'll be addicted. You'll feel comfortable. A lot of people avoid the gym because they are embarrassed of what others there will think. In all honesty, no one is looking around. They are there to do their OWN workout and they are focused on they THEY are doing.

 

After a few weeks, maybe even months, of this, try to approach a girl. Any girl, cute or not, and just talk to her. Ask her what she likes to do. Find out if she's interested in any of the hobbies or talents you've been developing. Even if she isn't, we love to learn new things, and you could offer to teach her. It's a great way in!

 

Good luck! Just because you are shorter than the other guys, doesn't mean you should have less to offer!!! These are things you can do yourself and they really do work!

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If you must ask then "Status" is the key... Now don't get mistaken into believing that only means money, career or education. However, it can mean just that but there's different forms of "Status" that goes beyond the normal scope of most peoples perceptions. If your the one that everyone is saying hi too in the local night club, then your on a higher status level in that environment. You could be the most unemployed, and uneducated person there but you have a higher status level than most...

 

My advice to improve your status without having to be born with a silver spoon in mouth. Be friendly towards others especially those less fortunate, and always be the one to extend your hand first. Think of every place you go as your place and have a high opinion of yourself as if your the rock star. (Don't get discouraged if you get rejected along the way it happens to the very best. The secret is hold your head high and laugh it off and be grateful you saw how that person was right from the get go.)

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Dont worry buddy. I am 5'8 and when me and my buddy go out he is 6'1. I usually wind up with most of the girls. I just like to talk to people, he is more quite and reserved. Your hight is your height, there is nothing you can do about it. I like smaller women so for me my height works. I have dated taller women 6'0, but I didn't feel comfortable although she did not have a problem with it. Depends on the women, some need to feel protected, but in todays world you could be 6'7 and get stomped or shot. Try bulking up a bit that may work wonders. I am in the process of doing that myself fill out a little more. I lost some lbs due to food poisening over the holidays, Now I will build it back in muscle... Good luck

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Thanks, you gave a lot of good advice, so did everyone else; you sound like a smart woman You're right in that it would be a good idea to get involved in more things. I do like photography, though I'm not sure if it can be used for social gain. I'll have to put some thought into it, maybe something physical, like you said mountain-biking. I've never really been into anything involving other people so it is hard to think of something I would be comfortable with. I've been wanting to get a motorcycle, I know there is a large following in riding them (OK, maybe not many women). I am starting to go to the gym again, and eat a lot better, generally taking better care of myself. I try to walk around with confidence, though I'm not sure how I appear to others. I know I should work on talking with confidence, people often ask me to repeat myself, though maybe I just mumble, lol. Thanks again for all the good advice.

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money only lasts so long. maybe some girl will eventually fall in love with you, but the buck stops somewhere. eventually she will probably not take it anymore from not being physically or mentally attracted to you and take you for all your money. it happens.

 

if you want to improve your attraction to women per se, work out, eat right, enhance your strong personality traits. every girl isn't going to be attracted to you.

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What really counts to be attractive to the opposite sex is your confidence and personality. some girls may outwardly appear cold and unapproachable but they are not. Once you get to know them more you will find it is much easier to interact with them than you may have expected and you will find you can be more confident than you ever know you will be.

 

Agreed. And if your confidence and personality aren't winning women over, then you need to work on it just like you would your body and would go to the gym.

 

I suggestion reading Rules of the Game by Neil Strauss. It's a 30 day workout program for your people skills. I also have some advice and links to resources on link removed.

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Try this...ok? Firstly...take note of the womans tempo...look at how fast she is talking..look at how fast she is breathing..Next...match your breathing to hers...watch her face change as she feels you get inside her..mentally..watch her starting to smile a little more when you do this..

 

Next....you have to realise that the tempo of your voice and breathing will lead her straight into you inner charms... Ok.. let me give you an example...Firstly be aware that you must pause about 1,5 to 2 seconds in between your words and also inadvertently sprinkle sexual words into the conversation.Also when you pause you should take in a slow breath.

Now watch and repeat what I am about to show you..Ready everyone?

 

"Well I am getting to a feel for you....(pause) very nice deep inside....(pause) in my stomach ..(pause)..from your lips..(pause)it is a pleasure..(pause) your words..(pause) on my ears..(pause) cause such stimulation..(pause) a thrust of inspiration ..( pause) to have you..(pause) right here right now!!"

 

If you have read it correctly I hope you feel relaxed and kind of aroused. You see by now the woman if you have used subtelty will say to you.."you are really relaxing arent you?" or something to that effect.. Now repeat the phrase fast with no spaces..what did you notice? it sounded terrible.

if you get stuck post away as I know this stuff does work when done properly even though I stopped using it years ago..

If you like it ..let me know..

 

If you think it is crazy....I say to you..take a chance!! You have nothing to lose.Try it 3 times and get it right. You wont need good looks..youwont need money..you wont need fancy cars..its a powerful tool that goes against conventional thought..try it and let me know..lol This is all I am givig away though because top bloke wont be top bloke anymore if he tells all right?>

 

I am even trying to get you guys laid here..heheh the old dog teaches the new a trick lol.

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That's called "Pregnant Pauses". They're great because they create a sense of mystery and intrigue and makes people hang on your words. It's a great way to capture their attention. Once you have their attention you've basically generated preliminary attraction.

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That's called "Pregnant Pauses". They're great because they create a sense of mystery and intrigue and makes people hang on your words. It's a great way to capture their attention. Once you have their attention you've basically generated preliminary attraction.

 

Pregnant pauses eh? Good to see you know the dynamics of what I am saying here. You are exactly on the ball...it creates a very quick rapport and youll have ladies really feeling a great connection..to you... You will also notice that their tempo..their breathing will also match your new tempo..you are essentially leading them to the water so to speak..

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