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Should we settle????


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Posted

Just a question maybe aimed more at my demographic but anyone in general I suppose. I'm 49....Got out of an emotionally abusive relationship 2 years and I dont want to settle for just anyone. Did that with the wakko I was with for 2 years and new it early on but stayed cause I thought I could help her and well cause I loved her. But, at 49, I have about 15 years before all of the body parts start failing. So is is worth settling for someone because of the time restraint, or is it better to be single and wait for the right one even idf they never show. My ex had someone lined up before me to jump to so people do this all of the time. Is it healthy and are they doing it for the right reasons...

Posted

Ah, the question of the ages. I think it depends on what you mean by "settling". Your definition may be very different than a girl or guy in their early 20's. If by settling you mean that the girl doesn't look like Michelle Pfeiffer and that's the only negative then yes, you should settle. If by settling you mean that you don't particularly enjoy spending time with the person and could care less whether they are in your life or not, but you keep them around because you're lonely (OR vice versa, they feel that little for you) then no, don't settle.

Posted

It matters what you mean by settling,

 

I consider dating someone who isn't that into you settling.

I consider dating someone who you aren't into settling and wasting both of yours time.

 

However, lowering your standards in expectations of people is not settling. Sometimes people have ridiculous expectations of the other sex. They want that amazing relationship now. If it isn't there, they just move on. However, connections are made over long periods of time. Jumping ship because the "spark isn't there" would be missing a lot of opporunities for a spark to develope.

Posted

I agree with DW here. Step back from things and make a list, mental or on some paper about your expectations and wants from a partner at a minimum. No pie in the sky stuff like "Independently Wealthy and willing to support my $1,000 a day comic book habit." Then, really have a good look at that list and see if any of the items on it are a little unrealistic, outdated, etc. If you feel your list is fair and reasonable, then the person you are looking for should fit that list.

Posted
I agree with DW here. Step back from things and make a list, mental or on some paper about your expectations and wants from a partner at a minimum. No pie in the sky stuff like "Independently Wealthy and willing to support my $1,000 a day comic book habit." Then, really have a good look at that list and see if any of the items on it are a little unrealistic, outdated, etc. If you feel your list is fair and reasonable, then the person you are looking for should fit that list.

 

And, generally speaking, people have no idea what they want in an SO.

 

All three of my relationships couldn't have been with any more different of guys. Yet, they were all pretty good.

 

Guys I never thought it would work with ended up being exactly my type. And, I soon found out that my type included more people that I typically think.

Posted

If by settling you mean being in a relationship with someone you're not that into, then no, don't settle. Or if you mean being with someone who doesn't value you and your company, then settling will cause you more unhappiness than being on your own.

 

But I agree with the others, you have to be realistic in your expectations of people and get to know a whole range of different women. Look past the surface stuff and also look at what you have to offer another person in terms of being in a relationship with them.

 

If your life is busy and interesting with the things you like to do, you won't feel the need to settle with someone who isn't a good match for you.

Posted

Depends what your goals are. If your goals are to be in a relationship and to have a family and if you are not meeting people or having relationships last then maybe eventually you will feel the need to settle. If your goal is to find someone that you really are super into and fall in love with and barring that being alone, then you won't feel the need to settle. Personally I'm in a transitory period, not sure which one I want, beginning to think that the latter is out of reach and just not in the cards for me.

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