I just want my best friend back.

[fluffytoes]

Like two years ago my best guy friend and I stopped being best friends.. I don't know why exactly, we were really into eachother and on the verge of a relationship, but things just got really messed up (he has serious committment issues, a messed up family etc) and I was depressed and overly emotional at the time. I kept freaking out on him for no reason and he kept his distance when I was like that because he knew there was no reasoning with me. Life just got in our way and we drifted apart.

 

 

Although we had a physics class together last semester we barely talked, sometimes we'd poke eachother or something in the hall but mostly we'd ignore eachother both in and out of class. We'd say hi to eachother when necessary, like in front of other people, but that was the extent. Things are just awkward, and we're not close anymore.

 

 

We did hang out once at a mutual friend's house in November, and we talked about our friendship and stuff, which led me to hope our relationship would be reconciled, but afterwards neither of us ever made an effort to fix it or call eachother or anything. He told me several times in the past he wanted us to still be friends, but he never made an effort to even contact or talk to me. To be really fair though, I didn't either. It's like he's waiting for me to make the effort, but I'm waiting for him to make the effort, but neither of us wants to meet in the middle. Basically it's a huge mexican stand off lol. We're both way too stubborn for our own good.

 

 

 

We don't talk on aim anymore, and we used to every single day. We were the type of friends that literally spent the entire day texting, talking on aim, and having 6 hour all-night phone conversations every weekend. (Yes, I know guys don't usually do that lol we liked eachother a little too much) Basically, I wonder who I am sometimes because my former self was so intertwined with him, it's like part of my own existence is missing. I know that sounds super cheesy, but we were so close and to tell you the truth I was completely in love with him.

 

 

 

I can't actually tell him that though, because I know him well enough that because of his issues with committment/his parent's messed up relationship etc he will run a mile at the thought of having to discuss anything emotional. I just want to bridge our friendship back together, honestly. It's pathetic but he's still the first person I think of whenever something crazy happens, and when I got into a car accident a while back, as soon as the car stopped skidding accross the intersection, he was the first person I wanted to call in hysterics. Of course, I didn't because I thought that would just be weird. But you get my point.

 

 

 

I did text him a couple times around Christmas, just a "Hey what's up type message, and he always replied with something like "Im with my girlfriend" or something to make me jealous. (Another reason we didn't work out, he likes to try to make me jealous? which is stupid, but whatever). I just replied with something complacent like "aw that sucks, I was gonna say we should chill" and he always replied "how bout in half an hour" or something else that hinted that he did want to hang out with me, but something always came up on my end (like getting called in to work last minute or my car not starting) that would totally screw up our plans. (He didn't actually have a "girlfriend" by the way, for those of you who are thinking it would have been innappropriate for us to get together. He just likes to piss me off for no reason and vice versa. Yes, we're both horribly immature people. I know).

 

 

 

Basically, I know he'll always be there if I need him, like if I was to suddenly call him out of the blue crying about something, I know he'd be there in a second... the depth or whatever you wanna call it of our friendship hasn't changed, that trust and loyalty and all that is still there, it's just that the actual friendship part isn't. lol I know that's messed up. Basically, I don't just want him to be there for me in a crisis, I want my best friend back all the time, but I have no idea of how to get back in touch without a) discussing the situation and all the feelings involved (which would 100% send him running, that's just who he is) or b) chase him down and talk to him everyday on AIM or something until it isn't awkward anymore. But I don't feel that I should have to make all the effort here! I just wish he was like other normal, reasonable people that discuss something and then move on from it!

 

 

 

Worst part is, I don't even know WHY we're not friends anymore, this awkward gap just grew and grew, it didn't even stem from a fight or anything. We're not even mad at eachother or something simple like that, just no longer friends. It's messed up. ](*,)

 

 

 

Anyways, I know this is a huge vent post lol and I apologize for wasting your time reading it... I guess I just need some basic advice here, since my girl friends are all just telling me to "call him" or "casually invite him out to coffee" and all that simple stuff (that would probably work) but I'm just too scared to do lol.

 

 

 

Soo anyone else ever have a similar situation with a best friend or ex or something? Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated, since I literally think about this every single day. I just don't want this to be the type of thing where I wake up 20 years from now and wish I'd done something differently, you know? But I just want my best friend back. Any ideas on how to start talking again, casually? Thanks

[lisa1126]

Fluffytoes,

 

Well this much is for sure. One of you will have to sort of initiate the friendship again. That usually entails, calling, texting, etc.. It is clear to me that you are the one to be able to do that much better than the other.

 

So, i realize you don't want to be the one to initiate it all the time, but if you don't, it sounds nothing will come out of this.

 

You can start with texting, simple how are you doing? haven't talked for awhile...thinking about you....hope you are well....etc. etc. something light, and then go from there. and then some time in the future, meet him for drinks, whatever.

 

Don't make this too complicated. Don't play games, i know that's not what you want to do. But somebody has to initiate this. and i think you are the better person to do it.