Shesmyeverything Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Just how important is physical and emotional intimacy in what is considered a healty marriage. As a man, yes I love sex with my wife, but really crave the skin on skin contact and knowing that I am with someone who WANTS to be with me. I look forward to taking care of my ladies needs and letting her know see is desired, loved and thought about many times during the day. I look forward to spending time with her and dating and romancing my wife. I could just be in bed totally naked with her and hold her close and the skin contact is so rewarding to me. Well, as I am in a marriage lacking in all these areas, how important and "normal' is it to want theses things from a partner or am I thinking crazy. Don't really know where this is going, but just needed to vent I guess. Thanks
lost1607307474 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I think these things are definitely very important in a relationship. Have you tried talking to your partner about it?
Batya33 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 I don't know what a romantic long term relationship is other than a relationship that is physically and emotionally intimate - without either of those ingredients aren't you simply roommates?
Shesmyeverything Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 I think these things are definitely very important in a relationship. Have you tried talking to your partner about it? Yes, I have and she thinks that we should be able to have a marriage without it and talking about it makes her angry. I feel very lonely and depressed. It bothers me when she walks into the room because just looking at her makes me desire her and I know that is an issue, which makes me very confused. I grew up with a father who was not very good to my mom, between drinking and abuse, and I swore I would treat my wife with all the love I have to give and now I am being led to believe that is a problem.
FortunateOne Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Well, to know where this is going I suggest you google and read about Dr. Robert Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love. This will organize your emotions and understand what's going on in your life. Your wife should read it too and discuss this with a therapist.
Shesmyeverything Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 Well, to know where this is going I suggest you google and read about Dr. Robert Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love. This will organize your emotions and understand what's going on in your life. Your wife should read it too and discuss this with a therapist. Thanks, I just looked at it and from the looks of things, I am in trouble!
beejcee Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 i think of the physical part of a relationship as the glue that holds a marriage together. without it, a marriage will suffer for both partners.
FortunateOne Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Thanks, I just looked at it and from the looks of things, I am in trouble! My compassion goes out to you and I hope that she will go to therapy. I wish you luck buddy.
Shesmyeverything Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 My compassion goes out to you and I hope that she will go to therapy. I wish you luck buddy. She won't I already asked. This would be so much easier if I did not love her soo much.
FortunateOne Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 She won't I already asked. This would be so much easier if I did not love her soo much. Then I suggest an intervention from a trusted relative that undestands your dilema. You may have to lobby support from many family members so she can understand.
Shesmyeverything Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 Then I suggest an intervention from a trusted relative that undestands your dilema. You may have to lobby support from many family members so she can understand. Unfortunately I have no family on my side to speak of, only her side so that will not be possible. I will try to hang in.
lost1607307474 Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Relationships take a lot of hard work, and some things you just have to persevere with in order to rectify them. I wish you the best of luck.
maritalbliss Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 If you can't get any family members to support you then I would try to be "frighteningly" honest with her, meaning that you tell her exactly how you are being affected in your life because of it (as in the grass is greener thing where you're probably having a hard time not fantasising about females everywhere because of how you're not being taken care of in your marriage). I'd let her know everything - and be kind about it but definitely let her see that it is a HUGE issue for you (and would be for any man who thought he would have a fulfilling marriage only to find out he is stuck in a sexless marriage).... I've heard of this approach working, but of course it will more than likely make her very mad to know that you have been feeling that the grass is greener - but the truth is, she needs to know. what she'll do with the information once she's told, I don't know. good book maybe to look into is His Needs Her Needs by Willard F. Harley talks about how sex can be (and usually is) a man's number one emotional need hope it helps
Shesmyeverything Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 Well, I let it all out today and told her the way I felt. I told her that I loved her more than anything and can't help but be attracted to her and want to have a close and intimate relationship with my wife. I told her I am not going to apologize for having these feelings for her and actually told her that she should consider herself lucky as alot of men actually loose interest in their part of the relationship as time progresses. I am not going to be ashamed of still being head over heals, crazy in love with my wife and that is that. I asked her to go with me to counseling and she agreed, so that is a step in the right direction. I will keep you posted and thanks for the support.
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