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Complete 180 on progress-any advice would help


Bdk86

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So about 3 months ago she ended it saying that she still loved me but I was just not the one anymore. A week later she was with another guy and would call and harass me saying how horrible of a person I was and how I was such a bad boyfriend. It really hurt because I tried very hard to be great to her, even though I may not have been. I went though confidence and depression issues when I was with her which may have made it difficult on her, and I was really hard on myself I think I may have became jealous of her. I really can't pinpoint my feelings, but I would get upset anytime she would talk about how great she was in a class she took or how when she was a kid she went to Austrailia or whatever. My friends all said she was self-centered but I beat myself up over having negative feelings toward that because I figured I shouldn't care; I guess I did.

 

Anyway, after the breakup she seemed to get everything together and become really "happy" (as far as I knew), and I was still wondering what was going on. The relationship wasn't great, but I cared about her so much. 2 months after the breakup, I moved back to school (where we met) and ended up in one class with her. After time I was feeling better, but seeing her in the class twice a week was/is killer. I felt that all my strength and progress was destroyed and I had to not only rebuild, but rebuild from a completely different point.

 

Lately, I'm starting to think that maybe it was truly my fault the relationship was bad because of my, then, lack of self confidence and helplessness, and my negativity. Because of this class, her and I talk occasionally and I've never seen her this way around me. It makes me feel comfortable around her in a way I never felt either. She has actually asked me to help her with a few things and made me a sandwhich for this class one day (long stories, both posted on here somewhere I believe). I thought it was because she cared and last week I walked out of the class overwhelmed with emotion. She texted me and asked me whats wrong and I told her that I don't know if I can talk to her and then quickly retracted the statement saying simply I've been confused lately. I wrote her a short email the following day saying that I got a flashback of a great time we had together because she mentioned something to remind of that in class so I had to leave. She said she understood and apologized if she was being "too nice" in the class.

 

I'm all over the place with this post, but when it comes down to it, I think about her 24/7 and its not an exaggeration. I dream about her all night and wake up with this heavy weight in my chest. I never had it THIS bad before and it seems to be getting worse. Perhaps I feel that her and I are different people and since I still care about her maybe it could work again-too bad she has a new boyfriend. I know all the NC stuff but really it is impossible because of my situation. I am just so confused over her because when we were together I never felt like we were meant to be, but now I'm curious, I guess, to see. Maybe thats not it all at, but all I know is I can't sleep or concentrate on much of anything else. I feel like I have a new crush, and I want to learn so much about this woman that I already know everything about. Is this a stage in breaking up where it gets worse like this? I thought I was getting better but its been a complete turn around.

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Please don't beat yourself up for this. Everybody moves a few steps forward only to fall a few back--it doesn't feel much like progress, but it is. I realize that having one class together makes things difficult, but it's a common situation--which means it's not impossible.

 

You can still limit your contact to the one class and try to engage with her less during that time. It's a mistake to believe that continued contact while she has a BF will be at all helpful in returning her to you, in fact just the opposite. You don't want your familiarity to lead her to taking you for granted, and you don't want to wear your feelings openly when they'll only be perceived as a groaner.

 

If you want to preserve her ability to look back in the future and think of you with fondness instead of weighing dismally as a guilt trip, then you need to cut away while she's seeing someone else. I understand it's hard, and it's also important for your own head, and your own dignity.

 

In your corner.

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I really appreciate that. I've been feeling somewhat better about the situation, but its been hard to adjust because my feelings changed. At first, I was hurt because I knew it was for the better; we would always bicker and find things to argue about, but now I feel like I care and want her back because the way she was contacting me and "bringing me a sandwhich" and what-not. Do you think she could be doing this to try to coax me to tell her that I still care to boost her ego? Does she care but will not act on it? Or is she simply being excessively nice?

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