Jump to content

need advice...


koreangelxp
What If My Ex Wants Me Back - What...
What If My Ex Wants Me Back - What To Do?

Recommended Posts

so heres the deal.... my ex and i are slowly trying to work things out and we talk everyday and he told me he was going to hang out with his friend (a girl) and he didnt call me ALL day... i called him around 9 pm and he didnt pick up... around like 10:30 pm i drove by his apt to see if he was home... and he was and his friends car was there too... so yeah...

 

then i decided to drive back to his apt at like 1am to see if she was still there... and her car was still there and the lights were off in the apt... so im just wondering what i should do? im pretty sure they didnt sleep together or anything like that...

 

but do you think he should of called me to let me know that she stayed the nite?

 

and how should i go about this... act like nothings wrong... and asked how things went when i do talk to him... and ask how long she stayed? and after that see what he says?

 

and what should i do if he lies about what time she left?

 

thanks for the advice in advance!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Woah drive by spying not a good thing to do! You have to act relaxed, you try and trust him.

 

This wont work unless you take him at his word that he wants to work on things, you have to try and start with a healthy relationship basis which is not calling and going by his house.

 

He was being honest, he told you she was there. If he wanted to sleep with her he would have done it behind your back.

 

I say, stay calm and collected, act relaxed, happy and he will find you more and more attractive. You know she was there, theres no need to spy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

First- you have to stop driving by his house. It's going to make you crazy. Plus, you don't want to be a stalker.

 

Second- he's your ex. Even if you are trying to work things out, he told you he was hanging out with his friend. You shouldn't have contacted him at all. You're going to push him away if you don't give him space.

 

Third- even if they did sleep together, I'm sorry, but it's not really your business. And no, he should not have called you to tell you. He does not need to ask for permission.

 

Fourth- I don't think you should ask him any questions at all. If he wants to tell you about it, he will. If not, he will be defensive if you ask.

 

My 2 cents.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Woah drive by spying not a good thing to do! You have to act relaxed, you try and trust him.

 

This wont work unless you take him at his word that he wants to work on things, you have to try and start with a healthy relationship basis which is not calling and going by his house.

 

He was being honest, he told you she was there. If he wanted to sleep with her he would have done it behind your back.

 

I say, stay calm and collected, act relaxed, happy and he will find you more and more attractive. You know she was there, theres no need to spy.

 

i know i have to relax and i have been... but its like everytime he hangs out with this friend... he seems to just forget about me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Driving by his house and spying on him is just going to make things worse if he finds out that you did this!

 

You say you're slowly trying to work things out - are you considered to be 'together' or are you still 'exes' to each other? Because if he did sleep with her, and you're not together (because you call him your 'ex') then I guess it's really none of your business. If you're thinking about getting back together with him, I would just tell him my worries. Ask him about the friend, not in an assuming or nasty way, but just ask if anything is going on between them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

First- you have to stop driving by his house. It's going to make you crazy. Plus, you don't want to be a stalker.

 

Second- he's your ex. Even if you are trying to work things out, he told you he was hanging out with his friend. You shouldn't have contacted him at all. You're going to push him away if you don't give him space.

 

Third- even if they did sleep together, I'm sorry, but it's not really your business. And no, he should not have called you to tell you. He does not need to ask for permission.

 

Fourth- I don't think you should ask him any questions at all. If he wants to tell you about it, he will. If not, he will be defensive if you ask.

 

My 2 cents.

 

im not a stalker... i havent heard from him all day so i was worried...

 

i talk to him everyday... and i can contact him anytime i want... im not pushing him away if he calls me more then i call him. i do give him space all the time... so dont think i dont.

 

it is my business if he does sleep with someone... cuz we still sometimes sleep together and if he does sleep with someone else i need to know for my own safety due to diseases and STDS so it is my freakin business to knowing if he starts sleeping with someone else.

 

and i dont believe he will get defensive if i ask him how his nite went with his friend. we do talk about everything its not like i dont know anything thats going on in his life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My fear is if you s tart questioning, he'll think your insecure and it becomes less fun. He wont understand why you dont trust him and cant let it be enough he told you.

 

He needs his friends. Even if its a girl.

 

If you want to be with him you have to stay strong, keep calm and be FUN to be with you know? Act cool.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Driving by his house and spying on him is just going to make things worse if he finds out that you did this!

 

You say you're slowly trying to work things out - are you considered to be 'together' or are you still 'exes' to each other? Because if he did sleep with her, and you're not together (because you call him your 'ex') then I guess it's really none of your business. If you're thinking about getting back together with him, I would just tell him my worries. Ask him about the friend, not in an assuming or nasty way, but just ask if anything is going on between them.

 

well we are tech. together... were dating from what he said... so i guess were together just not officially.... but he did say hes not interested in anyone else... and he doesnt want to date anyone else... he just wants to be with me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My fear is if you s tart questioning, he'll think your insecure and it becomes less fun. He wont understand why you dont trust him and cant let it be enough he told you.

 

He needs his friends. Even if its a girl.

 

If you want to be with him you have to stay strong, keep calm and be FUN to be with you know? Act cool.

 

well he already knows im insecure... ive told him that... and he knows... and hes very understanding about it...

 

i know he needs friends... and he can have friends im not sayin he cant... its just im very upset about that the fact that a girl is sleeping over... and he didnt call me all day... and im wondering if hes going to lie about her staying over or if he going to be telling the truth.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

im not a stalker... i havent heard from him all day so i was worried...

 

i talk to him everyday... and i can contact him anytime i want... im not pushing him away if he calls me more then i call him. i do give him space all the time... so dont think i dont.

 

it is my business if he does sleep with someone... cuz we still sometimes sleep together and if he does sleep with someone else i need to know for my own safety due to diseases and STDS so it is my freakin business to knowing if he starts sleeping with someone else.

 

and i dont believe he will get defensive if i ask him how his nite went with his friend. we do talk about everything its not like i dont know anything thats going on in his life.

 

You're coming accross as being defensive in this post - I don't think you are responding to a post that is attacking you, but rather giving you some things to think about in regards as to how you deal with the information you have.

 

If you ask your ex about last night and he says it was fine and that his friend left at 10pm...would you be happy with that?

Or would you pursue it until you reveal that you *know* that was not the case?

And from there, where does that leave you.....

 

These are the scenarios you have to pre-empt before you start a conversation about your ex about what he was doing....

 

I agree with previous posters that have said that if you are still 'exes', then you need to take that into account before expecting certain behaviours from him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Exactly! There you have it. he wants YOU not her. My ex used to haev a good friend who was a girl who stayed over and it was innocent.

 

yeah i know... i just hope he doesnt lie about it... and say that she left at like 11 pm or something like that... cuz then i know hes lying... and if he does... it just makes me realize that i cant trust him about anything hes saying.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It sounds like you're being a little paranoid and you have nothing to worry about. But if you are technically together then I would maybe just talk to him about her insecurities. Because I still think it is a little suss, and if I were you I'd want to know for sure that he didn't sleep with her.

 

im pretty sure he didnt sleep with her... cuz he considers her like his sister... so i know he wouldnt do anything to ruin things with me... cuz i know he wouldnt want to hurt me that way... im just wondering if he would lie to me about how long she stayed... you know?

 

cuz if he lies about this... then everything else he has said to me in the past is a total lie...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're coming accross as being defensive in this post - I don't think you are responding to a post that is attacking you, but rather giving you some things to think about in regards as to how you deal with the information you have.

 

If you ask your ex about last night and he says it was fine and that his friend left at 10pm...would you be happy with that?

Or would you pursue it until you reveal that you *know* that was not the case?

And from there, where does that leave you.....

 

These are the scenarios you have to pre-empt before you start a conversation about your ex about what he was doing....

 

I agree with previous posters that have said that if you are still 'exes', then you need to take that into account before expecting certain behaviours from him.

 

 

and if he says that she left at 10 pm and it was fine and blah blah... that pretty much tells me hes lying... and that hes not to be trusted and that there is no point in working this out with someone whos going to lie to me... and its over

Link to comment
Share on other sites

well if a guy broke your heart 3 times... its not like you can trust anyone like that with your heart...

 

I feel like I dont know the whole story here. It sounded to me fromw hat you posted he wanted to work on it, he understands you and hes being honest.

 

How has he broken your heart? Cheating? Then id understand it more.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel like I dont know the whole story here. It sounded to me fromw hat you posted he wanted to work on it, he understands you and hes being honest.

 

How has he broken your heart? Cheating? Then id understand it more.

 

the first time we broke up was cuz he still had feelings for his ex...

 

2nd time he fell out of love with me

 

3rd time he wants to work on himself... and make himself a better person... and doesnt want to be in a relationship with me right now... but he does seem a future with me later just not right now... which i understand but i still think its stupid cuz were still acting like a couple just with out the title...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So, not to be rude. I am just genuinley asking you. Why do you want to be with him? Trust will take time after all that, and whose to say he wont do it again?

 

If you want to make a go you'll have to start with a fresh slate, dont bring up the past. And it will be hard.

 

AND are you positive hes not stringing you along. He gets the benefits of a girlfriend without having to make it official.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So, not to be rude. I am just genuinley asking you. Why do you want to be with him? Trust will take time after all that, and whose to say he wont do it again?

 

If you want to make a go you'll have to start with a fresh slate, dont bring up the past. And it will be hard.

 

AND are you positive hes not stringing you along. He gets the benefits of a girlfriend without having to make it official.

 

 

because i love him... and i know that i want to spend the rest of my life with him...

 

thats the thing i dont know if he will... but i also told him that this is the last time i will ever work things out with him again... if he breaks up with me or whatever this is the last time... i wont go thru it again.... and he understands it...

 

i told him also if your stringing me along... i would never forgive him for it... and he knows that... i know he wont hurt me like that... cuz he knows hes already hurt me enough...

 

i know he gets the benefits as a girlfriend... but at the same time... im tech. single too.. so if he does something messed up... then i can do the same... i can sleep with anyone also or date other people... so its not like i cant do the same...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

But thats not the best way for it.

 

I know when you love someone and want to be with them its very hard to see why you shouldnt be, the most important thing to you right now is being with him.

 

But ask yourself truthfully, is it best for you? And do you mean this is his last chance?

 

If so go into it with your eyes open and as be as strong as possible. Try and be happy with him and try not to be insecure.

 

Did he say you'll be together officially soon?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

But thats not the best way for it.

 

I know when you love someone and want to be with them its very hard to see why you shouldnt be, the most important thing to you right now is being with him.

 

But ask yourself truthfully, is it best for you? And do you mean this is his last chance?

 

If so go into it with your eyes open and as be as strong as possible. Try and be happy with him and try not to be insecure.

 

Did he say you'll be together officially soon?

 

oh i know theres lots of reason why i should be.... but then at the same time when you love someone its hard...

 

i know that i should move on and find someone else who hasnt hurt me as much as he has... but thats why you forgive people... and i have forgave him... and im tryin not to be insecure im really am working on it...

 

i have been going to the gym and doing lots of other stuff...

 

hes not sure when we will be back together... but he seems to talk about the future a lot more then before... so things are going good...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Then keep up with that. Keep making postive improvement so that if it maybe didnt work out you'd be fighting fit, feeling good and stronger than ever. His loss!

 

I understand you wanting to give him another chance. But if you have forgiven him. Then dont get paranoid about other girls.

 

The best way for it to work is for you both to chill , enjoy eachothers company and let it progress.

 

I wouldnt wait around for TOO long though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...