With all that's wrong could this even be right?

[freespiritmt]

I apoligize ahead of time for this lacking any sense at all but it's so much in my relationship that I've needed to get off my chest and haven't really gotten much advice on. I'll just cut to the chase. I met my boyfriend at work. I had just recently begun working in his department and apparently he'd had a thing for me for a while before he got up the nerve to ask me out. I was bound and determined not to be attracted to him because he was an 'Obama guy' whereas I was a diehard 'McCain' chick. (We started talking during the election lol) We would spend our breaks debating intelligently to his surprise about politics and such. I was oblivious to his interest in me even though he asked me to coffee. I figured it was just to discuss Africa. (He found out I was looking for a travel partner for 2010 to volunteer there and he's done it before and wants to go back so he offered to go with me) Then our coffee turned into dinner then a walk and before I knew it, 4 hours had gone by with us just talking. I'd never met anyone so real and interesting before. We had so much in common yet so many differences. We've been together for 3 months now. Not long I know and it doesn't seem that long for me because we've really only seen each other outside of work for a month of our relationship. His brother has Lou Gehrigs. In the beginning of our relationship he was taking care of him 3-4 nights a week. That's fine, family is number one and I have absolutely no problem with that. Now, his other family members that take care of his brother too (dad and brother) are sick with pnemonia and he is the only one avaliable to take care of him. The last time we saw each other outside of work was 2 weeks ago when he came over because I said we needed to talk. I was upset because I haven't met his family and he's met mine. I didn't feel as though we were on even ground. His reasoning was that it's because they are very protective of him and have never liked his girlfriends (except the one that went to Harvard-thank you I went to community college) and because his mom works with us (yes that's right) he didn't want any awkwardness and he wants to introduce her to the idea of me slowly. He said they don't feel like anyone is good enough for him because he's the only one out of the kids to do anything with his life. Let me just give you some background. His dad has a PHD in quantum physics. His mom has a masters in Mathmatics. My parents are high school dropouts. Enough said? I think so. I used to think my ambitious attitute and positive outlook were enough to impress the parents. Little did I know I would need a degree to prove myself worthy as well...Anyways back to my point. I never see him now. He's under alot of stress because to put it bluntly, his brother is dying. He hardly sleeps and has so much stress in his life right now. He's told me he's crazy about me, and I'm crazy about him. He's never even hinted that he wants to end things and even worries that I might want to but sometimes we'll go a few days without talking outside of work and I hate that. I've never wanted to seem like a clingy girlfriend or like a girl who needs her boyfriend in constant contact with her to function throughout the day but lately I feel as though my day just isn't the same unless I hear from him. Am I a fool to stay in this relationship or am I just an extra burden in his already hectic life? Should I step out because there is just so much wrong or power through? I'm not really sure what kind of answer I'm looking for...I just need some sort of advice....So sorry for the novel and God bless you for sticking with me to the end of it lol

[Grace]

It sounds like circumstances are very stressful and hectic, but at the same time it sounds like you guys are working through it pretty well, although its hard to say from one post.

 

Anyway, personally i don't click with people that easily so if I have a really natural meaningful connection with someone, its not something I dismiss lightly. I wouldnt rush meeting his family, it still is quite early in the relationship so I wouldnt be too alarmed, however, if you find the lack of time really diminishes the purpose of the relationship then thats something too seriously consider, particularly if there aren't opportunities for a little quality time in the future...

 

Only you can decide if the relationship is worth pursuing, but nothing you've posted seems like an immediate reason to give up. Don't beat yourself up for missing him though, completely understandable...

[lost1607307474]

I don't think you are a fool to stay in the relationship. Gathering from what you've written here, the relationship seems to be going really well considering the circumstances and you're both really into each other - so I wouldn't give up. Stress can be a very dangerous thing to a relationship, but you seem to be handling it really well. I can't imagine how much he's going through with his brother and everything, but if you're really into him and really care about him I think you should just stick by his side and help him through it, and understand if maybe you can't see him as often as you would like. It's completely normal to miss your boyfriend if you don't get to see him often - so don't beat yourself up over it! Perhaps just tell him that you miss him (I'm positively sure he won't think you're clingy) and maybe you can work out some compromises and see each other a little more often.

 

And about the parents - don't worry about this! You don't have to prove yourself to his parents. I've had the same kind of issues when meeting boyfriends' parents who have high standards but you just have to not worry about it. It's your relationship with HIM that counts, not your relationship with his parents. And if you end up staying together, with time the parents will see how much you mean to each other and understand. Trust me.

 

Anyway, sorry for rambling, but your relationship sounds like it's got a lot of promise, you both have a great connection and really like each other so I wouldn't give up yet

[Radίaηce]

He sounds...amazing. Wow. But you sound more amazing for being who you are. You both seem very compatible, and well educated parents can only have high expectations for their worthy son and might never get the satisfaction of any woman being good enough for him, but they ALSO have to acknoweledge that because your parents did not graduate hs, that you are actually better than your parents because you made a decision to continue your education---community college or NOT. You are worthy too. Only time can tell. My parents disapproved both of my brother in laws for both my sisters and guess what? NOW THEY LOVE THEM BOTH. One we all like even more than my sister...lol. Book smarts can only take you so far. If they see you love him, then they just might love you for who you are.

[freespiritmt]

This is all very relieving to hear...you have no idea. I stress about this so much and I'm sure my roommates are ready to ducktape my mouth shut if I bring it up again. I was ready to sit him down and tell him that I don't know if this is a good time for him to be in a relationship but some might find that a little presumptuous of me. I still am not sure what I'm going to do I just am glad to be reassured I'm not stupid for staying with him. Any other thoughts would be great!

[Radίaηce]

I still am not sure what I'm going to do I just am glad to be reassured I'm not stupid for staying with him. Any other thoughts would be great!

 

Ok...here's another one. I always have something to say. Keep in mind that many times they say love finds us sometimes during the "worse" time, but in actuality...he might not realize what's in front of him now because he so busy with his family concerns and illnesses. Stick around to see when he finally has time to realize, that you have been standing there being supportive the whole time. I'm sure that will make his Life. Not day, week, or year.

[freespiritmt]

Keep in mind that many times they say love finds us sometimes during the "worse" time' date=' but in actuality...he might not realize what's in front of him now because he so busy with his family concerns and illnesses. Stick around to see when he finally has time to realize, that you have been standing there being supportive the whole time. I'm sure that will make his [i']Life[/i]. Not day, week, or year.

 

Wow...that's exactly what I needed to hear I hope it's true because I think I'm going to stay. He's an incredible man and I never felt a connection like this before...I just hope he doesn't leave me for fear of hurting me through neglegence...NOT that I'm one of those "God I hope he doesn't dump me first!" girls...