What happened?

[cobra35640]

I'm just gonna go ahead and tell the whole sad tail up front. It started out about two weeks ago. This girl who had taken over my shift working the desk in my dorm a few weeks before was down when I came to work. She immediately said Hi and we started talking. I of course didn't know who she was, but she remembered me. So we talked for a long time, then when she eventually had to leave, she left me her number. I waited a few days, then called her and we went out to dinner the next week. She put off studying to come eat. The day after that we went out to a hockey game, and barely watched any of it cause we were talking the whole time. As we left, she put her arm around mine and we walked back to the car like that. Also, that night when the fire alarm went off in the middle of the night ,she called me over and I put my jacket around her cause all she had on was a robe and we were hugging for warmth as we stood outside.

 

The next day, she had me come and ate lunch with her and her friends. We hung out in their room for a few hours, just laughing and goofing around. Then later on, we went back up to my room and moved the couch into my room, which we sat on for a few hours, agian just talking. We kinda snuggled a little, but nothing much. When we had to leave, she gave me a kiss on the cheek. Later that night, she wanted to hang out agian so we went on a walk. We walked for a bit then came back to my room. We talked, watched some TV, and snuggled for a few hours. Later that night she started getting sleepy so she layed down on the couch and I rubbed her back and stroked her hair till about 4 in the morning when she eventually left. Agian, she gave me a kiss on the cheek. We changed our relationship status's that night on face book (that was my kinda lame way or asking her out) The next day we hung out a little during the Super Bowl, sitting on the couch together. When I eventually had to go, she walked me to my room and kissed me on the cheek and gave me a big hug.

 

Sounds good so far huh? The next day she sent me a text asking if I thought we were going to fast. We agreed to be friends a little while longer because she hadnt dated in a few years and other guys had been kinda stalkerisk of her, and her longest relationship was about a week. But she also said "But I still really want to hang out with you". So I was cool with that. So I asked her if she wanted to go to a basketball game later that week after her test, and she told me she'd tell me for sure on Wednesday. I was going to go just as friends, wasn't going to try anything. Then later that day, I was falling asleep in class and decided to text her. For a laugh I said "I think i'm gonna have to crash on your couch tonight cause i'm to tired to make it to my room." because she knew I lived just two floors above her. Appranatly she took it as me being serious. So she just stops talking to me. I tried texting her, calling her, but she wouldn't answer. (Admittidly I may have tried a little to hard to get in touch with her). So I go up to her room to see what's wrong, and i'm pretty sure she hid around the corner from me as her friends tell me she sent me a messege on face book. I read it, and apparently I have totally freaked her out. She say's I was cool when she told me she wanted space, but was mad because I tried to set plans after we had that conversation. She never once mentioned she wanted space, just that she wanted to be friends but still hang out. So I took it to mean she still wanted to hang out like we had been, just as friends instead. If I knew she wanted space I would have given her all the space she coulda ever wanted. And the lil couch text freaked her out to the point where she didn't want me to contact her anymore. She even said "you made me not want to talk to you, or any other guys for a really long time". So I told her it was a misunderstanding, but that I wouldn't try to contact her and deleted her and her friend from my friends list.

 

All this week she's flat out ignored me if I see her, going as far as to have her friend walk her into the building while I was working this morning. My question, what happened? Was what I said that bad? Why did she go from liking me so much, to never wanting to talk to me. She dosen't even acknowledge my presense, and her friends ignore my presense. I'm just giving her time and space right now not talking to her or her friends, but what can I do to try and salvage our friendship and maybe our relationship? I'll admit i'm a novice in the dating game, so I was trying not to make an ass of myself/be to clingy. However she hadn't dated for 6 years, and her longest relationship was like a week. I'm kinda worried that one of the texts I sent her the day she sent me the messege, "I miss hanging out with you", had sent the wrong messege, but at that point she was already not talking to me. Sorry to make this that long, I just thought the details may help, and any help would be greatly appreciated.

[addictedblue]

Hmmm. This girl seems a little weird and immature. HOWEVER I guess the point is that she told you that she wanted to take things slow and be friends for a little while and still hang out. You agreed that was fine. But then you texted her saying you wanted to crash on her couch. I guess she found that inappropriate, because it isn't what 'just friends' do, and maybe she saw it as you moving too fast even after you agreed to move really slowly? That's what makes sense, although I think it's pretty extreme that she just won't talk to you and is having friends escort her around, and even having her friends ignore you. Like I said, she seems pretty immature. Maybe find a way to sincerely apologize and explain you were just bored in class and joking? Or maybe this isn't the right girl for you, she seems pretty dramatic.

[Purusha]

Woah - her reaction's a little over the top dontcha think?! I'd def leave it and allow her to calm down.

 

I'm not sure why she immediately took afront to your text without trying to gauge whether you were serious or just mucking around, maybe she's had bad experiences in the past and her reactions are a little extreme as a result of it?

 

Personally, I don't think you did anything wrong with trying to meet up with her, it's not like you were hounding her day and night and you were giving her space. I think if she wanted more space or whatever she should have made that clearer, but I certainly don't think meeting up once in a week as friends is disrespecting someone's personal space. If she was uncomfortable she could have suggested bringing some other friends as well if she was worried that being alone with you would lead on to crossing the friends boundary.

 

If you can't talk to her (and it doesnt sound advisable at the mo) chill out and carry on with what you would normally do, she may twig on that you're not a psycho and feel comfortable discussing it in the future.

 

Hope you guys can be friends again at some point!

[cobra35640]

Yea, right now i'm just not talking to her, or looking at her if I can help it. I agree that if taken out of context that couch comment was out of line, but after she texted me back a bit and it was obvious she had taken it serious I told her I was just kidding. After that night she wouldn't talk to me. I'm pretty sure it was more than just me that caused her to react the way she did. She had a big test that week, her bad experiences, her friends, something droze her to act the way she did other than me. She has had guys chase her down halls, take covert pictures of her before. I'm hoping to talk to her in a few weeks, when she's calmed down, and tell her what happened, that I was sorry, and that i'd really like to be friends. I'm just not sure exactly how to approach her.