Roommates ganging up on me...please help

[Roxy178]

Hi ENA, I would GREATLY appreciate some advice on this. I included some examples of the crap I’ve been dealing with at the bottom of this thread so anyone hoping to help can see the extent of the cattiness I’ve been forced to deal with. I’m a freshman in college, I love my school, and I’m rooming with one other girl (it was a random pairing) since the beginning of the school year. Me and my roommate are clearly different and have different priorities, but we also had a lot in common and share a lot of friends. A few months into the semester, we both began hanging out with another girl on my floor more and more often because she had just had a huge blowout with a group of her friends and was trying to make some new ones.

 

Everything seemed fine at first, the three of us got along really well and our floormate basically began spending all waking hours of the day in my room with me and my roommate when not in class, since she never really got along with her roommate (this girl can't get totally get along with anyone but doesn't believe that she's at fault). I'm friendly, not overly shy, I like to go out and drink once or twice every week, and I think I'm a really good and loyal friend. On the other hand, I'm not a fan of totally blasting music and singing into my hairbrush...gossiping and putting down other floormates/friends, or purposely making sexual references and innuendos in front of my RA (who's a socially awkward MALE), like my roommate and unofficial roommate are.

 

Anyways, they've come to learn that I tolerate a lot of crap, hardly ever get mad (or at least show it), pretty much avoid drama, and try to have a good relationship with everyone, even if I don't necessarily like everyone. I'm also a pretty optimistic person most of the time about most things and situations. Basically, I feel as though they're trying to sabotage me or crush my spirit or something. Our mutual friends have noticed their behavior and they basically ignore it and just try and spend less time around them. As much as I wish I could just ignore it or stop hanging out with them, I basically share a room with both of them and don't feel as though I should have to get a roommate switch or leave my floor, because I really like my other floormates. The more I try and ignore them, the more they like to disrespect me and I’m starting to lose my temper. I’m considering talking to my RA about it to let him know what’s going on before I potentially flip out on them one day and they go and run to him to tell him about it (they’re drama queens).

 

Here’s a few of the many things they’ve done to purposely make me angry…..

*One night when I mentioned I felt like going out, they said they wanted to stay in. When I then said I was going to watch a movie in another friend's room, they turned up really drunk there a few hours later and made a drunken scene dancing and laughing to get everyone’s attention, just to piss me off. (so basically the second I left the two of them alone, they decided to go out and get wasted and then throw it in my face because they knew I wanted to go out)

 

*When I expressed interest in working with my campus activity board for an upcoming comedy show, they also decided that they wanted to work at that show too (even though my roommate isn’t even in the committee) and pretty much tried to take over my assigned job of working the admissions table away from me and making me feel insignificant.

 

*They often like to purposely put me down whether it involves bashing some music I like that they don't, talking trash about some of our other friends, mocking me, making a mess of my side of the room, using my stuff when I’m not there, etc.

 

Should I try to talk to my RA? I want to stand up to them and tell them off but I feel like it’ll blow up in my face because I’m already outnumbered but I need to do something. Thank you guys for reading..

[WillamB83]

Hey I am a senior in college right now, and I am still living on campus. I agree that life does suck on campus when you are randomly assigned roommates. I've dealt with roommates who have trashed my place, slept all day and played computer games all night, blasted rap music, did drugs, attempted suicide, changed my computer background, you name it, its happened. You learn a lot from this and a lot about yourself.

 

Typically what I have noticed during the first few weeks is that everyone is super excited to be living away from parents and to start a new semester of college. Everyone wants to be friends with everyone during that time and some of those relationships obviously die out as the semester progresses.

 

Personally, I think your roommates are just immature and are begging for attention. Also, if they are trying to put you down, it shows insecurity, weakness, etc. They probably go to house parties to just do stupid things and have pictures on facebook to prove it. They will grow out of it sooner or later. As for you, I would recommend putting up with it until the semester ends. You shouldn't get angry at them yet you should let them know what your feeling. Just try your best to hang out with a different crowd.

 

As for the RA, he won't do anything until you have spoken to your roommates and they still don't listen to you. After that process you can try to move rooms through the housing department, but don't be surprised if they stick you into another dorm building.

 

Like I said you should stick it out this semester and also look for a new roommate for next semester. I would recommend rooming with someone you know in and out so when problems arise, it will be a simple fix.

 

Hope this helps, but I am a guy...

[leo73]

Crap! And I thought only guys did this!

[Roxy178]

Thank you for the advice. I tried talking to these two girls a little while ago, we'll have to see if anything we talked about will actually change when we all wake up tomorrow morning. I really have no interest in being "friends" with them once the semester ends and I'm no longer forced to live among them, I really just want to feel comfortable around my dorm for now. I appreciate the suggestions for the future, I already know exactly who I'm rooming with next year, and I have no concerns about that, thankfully. I've been making an effort to hang out with other people as much as possible as well, which I feel makes these girls even more set on ganging up on me the few times that I am by myself. I probably won't talk to my RA about this but if I hear that one of these girls mentions the issue to him then I may feel obligated to argue my side because I'm outnumbered 2 to 1 here. We'll see though...thanks again guys. Sorry to throw my girl-drama on you...but trust me, I definitely wouldn't want to be a part of it either if I had a choice, hahaha.

[abitbroken]

I would probably try to get a new roommate next semeseter, but these girls sound like friends I had in junior high. I was cool around the neighborhood but when we got on the bus they decided they would lead in picking on me and doing horrible things to me.

 

Also, i have learned from having roommates, that you don't need to be friends with your roomates or even try to be. The only thing you need is to have common ideas of what your place should be like, whether in a dorm or in an apartment or shared house. Roommates can be polar opposites, but both agree that their home/dorm is a sanctuary where quiet is important. who cares if one studies and one listens to their mp3 all the time and goofs off as far as classes go. Or they might both agree the dorm is a place to bring your friends.

 

A friend of mine requests a transfer to a quiet floor of a dorm building, or actually also spent a year living in the international building with foreign students. They found it much quieter because the students there were more interested in study (as some of their being in this country counted on their good grades to continue the next semester)

[tangi39]

Ah, college roomates, gotta love em !

 

I think the best thing to do is just keep silent. Don't state your wants, desires, intentions, etc. If you want to go out, just go- No explanations needed. Just walk out the door. You don't need to announce your every move. That way you do what you want without them intruding.

 

It's really pointless of them to behave this way, but you can't control them, only yourself. Be the bigger person and let them wonder why they are not invited.