LDR issue need help ASAP

[Sean1]

i have been in a LDR for 3+ years. I Live in Canada and she is in Asia . i met her here for a month she moved there for school and will finish it in 2 years hopfully.

 

.we are both Emotional and sensitive. so it hurts when something like this happen. things were working so fine she was trusting me and caring me( and start loving me from far distance and same for me as well). then we decided to get more serious after 1 year

 

last year after i completed school (after 3yrs of not seeing each other) i decided to join her for a holiday 90 days and we were both excited. she cares for me and we both love each other and we are taking our time to decide for our future( no expcetation from any part). live by day to day

 

Recently i have been doing some stuff )that got her upset and she does not like surprises like that ( i help a friend Female with her divorce and she end up having feeling for me even she knew i am not into her and working on my current relationship .

 

my Friend kept in touch with me and told me about her feeling and what would have happened if i was single and told her about her feeling.

 

( wrote me Email and cell phone text ) but my GF did not know(about the feeling part only)

 

i told her a bit later when i meet her in person i thought it would be better to talk in person than on the phone or MSN when she read a SMS she got so upset and shocked and said why i let her become so close to me and why did not control it and did she know about me? ( she even talk to her on my back) THE MORE IMPORTANT IS THIS the way she find out. i was gonna tell her evrything thats why i kept the msg and text phone. one day she was playing with my phone and come accross the msg then.....

 

so we talked with all the details and things got a bit better but the main thig is that she does not fully Trust me anymore and she keep telling me about what did i keep lie to me what could i excuses this time i can come up with.i have this feeling that i broke her heart.

 

 

i was just helping my friend thats all. but now i am home and really dont know what to do. we are both living on our own . i am here alone and do as she.

 

i really love her and want the best and i know she loves me too but with the current situation and long distance what is the best solution? . how can i gain my trust back. i know it takes time but i need to tell her sometihng so she wont leave me and atleaset let me prove it to her ( i gave her space so she could think and dunno do the girl stuff thing) ( FYI this is my first Relatioship )

 

i promised her that i wont deal with my firend anymore and be honest with her and tell her everything even it may hurt( even i told her my reason but she think its all excuses). i think because of the trust issue she does not believe me and think i am doing something on her back even though she know i never do and she know about my feeling toward her.

 

not sure what i should do ?( i apologize but its not enough i know i need some action plan. please response if anyone need more info i will tell u .

 

how much time i should give her to think about it one week few days??. i will call her to explain and email her my decision and apology) its sucks cause valentine is on the corner.

 

we are in both mid 20s and i dont want to lose her and want to work on it . worse happen yes i may have to end this and move on but until i try i wont give up i am a fighter.

[Cuppedia]

Hello and welcome to the forum.

 

Helping your friend and her expressing feelings towards you afterwards is NORMAL, she was in a weak moment and probably got carried away, I'm sure she'll forget about it eventually.

 

But because you are LD with your girlfriend the whole thing got blown out of proportion by both of you, it's very hard to try to have a normal relationship when you are really not together (physically) so every problem can end things completely.

 

That you finish school until 2 years more and that you have no plans or expectations for your future together is quite worrying, 3 years is more than enough to know if you want to move together eventually or maybe start a family once school is over, in the end we're going to be talking about 5 years of living day by day and that's not a relationship, sounds more like you both are comfortable the way things are and don't really want changes but it's a lot of time, effort and energy for something that might not be serious.

 

If you don't see yourself wanting to move to the next level reconsider what kind of commitment you want to have with her and why you want it.

 

But anyway, I know you asked about the fight so I think you should give her as much time as she asks, if she doesn't contacts you don't try to push her, but if in a week or so things are the same you could send a short message asking if she's okay, don't ask about what's going on in her mind, just make it clear you care even if she's angry or confused.

 

When you talk just let her know why you are with her, I believe you already apologized for hiding info from her so it's her decision now wether she accepts the apology or not.

 

There's no quick method to get her trust back, just try to be honest and I'm sure she'll be able to see it.

 

Good luck.