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Jlizzy

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I've had a desperate crush on my former lecturer for well over a year now...it never goes...when he was still my lecturer there were many little signs that led me to think there could be some mutual feelings here but obviously considering the situation absolutely nothing whatsoever happened...

 

Now I rarely see him or speak to him. I try to forget about him and move on...then I see him and I'm back to square one.

 

One of the many things he did last year was to quote a cute line to me (I have good reasons not to rephrase it here...it would become too easy to search!)

 

I'm highly tempted to send a valentines card to his office with that same quote (over a year on) and leave it at that. In all probability he would remember saying it to me... but if it meant absolutely nothing to him hopefully he wouldn't have a clue...but in light of the awkward situation (Ie he being a former lecturer) it might give him enough of a nudge to take action if he wanted to and otherwise I'd know to let it go?

 

I'm still studying at the same university with another few years to go til I complete my studies. I won't have him again though as a lecturer. There's only a few years between us as I am approx 30 myself.

 

Looking for advice/ responses...go for it or let it go?

Too risky? Or hell no?

I've spent the last 1.5 years nearly in yes/no/yes/no mode!

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Yes! But only, you must know how the university setting is structured in a way in which this is bound to happen. He is trained to look smarter than you -- and in such a sense, the power differential/knowledge differential is what oftentimes produces the attraction. if you fully understand how the system works, and are able to honestly say to yourself that it isn't the system which is responsible for your attraction towards him, and you would have loved him no matter where you met him, then go ahead. You need to be considerably honest with yourself before you make a move. Chances are, you will also know his response to you in advance, if you thought about it very carefully. All the answers lie in you.

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Also, chances are that he would have already fielded crushes from other students. It happens all the time. You need to know for sure why you are the one he will be interested in. Hope I am not distressing you. Just asking you to think very carefully. If you genuinely like somebody after all this, there is no rule on earth that you should hold you back. But only after thinking it through.

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It's good that you feel that there is a romantic connection between you and your former lecturer. As for my advice to you, I say go for it but only if you are sure about the university's policies about dating a lecturer or a school employee. After your are in the clear with the policies, what would you lose if you guys both decide to date? I'd say not a thing. In fact, you will be gaining the love that you have been craving from your lecturer.

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Hi OP,

 

Unfortunately even if your "former" lecturer were to have feelings for you I'm not sure that he could act on them while you are still a student at the university. I know that you said that he won't teach you again, nevertheless, as a lecturer at the university he does have some degree of authority over you. Moreover, you never know if staff leave then maybe he will be moved and could end up teaching you once more. I think that if anything were to happen between you two while you were still at university then this could cause him a lot of problems.

 

I'm sorry to say but I think you'd be better off moving on at least until you finish university. That way there won't be the potential ethical/legal minefield for him plus hopefully it will allow you enough time to get some perspective (I agree with the other posters who suggest that perhaps you are infatuated with his authority/knowledge).

 

Best of luck

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hi Purpleduckie:

"I personally wouldnt be that bold but why not! but only if you're sure he can date you." Bearing in mind I was thinking to keep it anonymous though he has a good chance of guessing it's me....Still forever debating...Plus was thinking were I to be bold enough to make such a move I might edit the quote such that it implies in a few year when I'm no longer a student? Then again there's a chance I will run into him from time to time at the sports club..I don't want to put myself in a situation where I have to feel mortified everytime that happens!

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You're 30ish? And acting like a wee girl sending an anonymous-but-not-quite card? No. That's something one of your younger counterparts would do. Approach him like an adult, build a friendship and see if the attraction really is mutual. Then plan your next move.

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[...]Then again there's a chance I will run into him from time to time at the sports club..I don't want to put myself in a situation where I have to feel mortified everytime that happens!

 

If you have potential opportunities to run into him socially, then you don't need to play secret valentine games. If it could impede your chances of getting to know him socially for exactly the reason you state above, then why on earth would you consider acting AGAINST your own best interests?

 

In your corner.

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  • 2 months later...

It's never ending.Still goes on. Mock Chop I guess this is the answer to your question..I don't see him for weeks and when I do it's for team sports and he's either gone fairly quickly or there's other people around...There's never an opportunity! This time on two occasions he put his hands on my waist at moments where we were running in close proximity to each other (we were on opposing teams). It's not my imagination right?-A guy does that to a girl during sports...that's not a wee accident right? I have countless moments spanning over 1.5 years of words and actions that suggest to me there's something there...aghhhhh it drives me crazy!

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  • 8 months later...

As an update for a laugh: I asked him out at the start of the summer, we emailed for 2 months daily and eventually had our first date. I was a nervous wreck and had major butterflies for 2 months...we're approaching 6 months now and well my legs don't turn to jelly to the degree that I feel self conscious but I am still absolutely head over heels for him and loving every minute of this relationship! I really really do hope it never fades!

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As an update for a laugh: I asked him out at the start of the summer, we emailed for 2 months daily and eventually had our first date. I was a nervous wreck and had major butterflies for 2 months...we're approaching 6 months now and well my legs don't turn to jelly to the degree that I feel self conscious but I am still absolutely head over heels for him and loving every minute of this relationship! I really really do hope it never fades!

 

Oh wow! That is so great. I'm so glad you put yourself out there. This should be a lesson for everybody contemplating expressing interest in somebody.

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  • 2 months later...
8 months and I really wish i could hear those special words from him! Other than that though I'm still mad about him and he cares for me a lot better than I've ever been cared for before

 

Hah! Hang in there, JLizzy. Having him care for you so well for 8 months is still better than you could have imagined while plotting to sneak him notes. Give him a big hug for us.

 

My best,

Cat

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8 months and I really wish i could hear those special words from him! Other than that though I'm still mad about him and he cares for me a lot better than I've ever been cared for before

 

Congrats and I'm happy that you are still madly in love with him! I would also like to thank you for the update with your former lecturer. Keep the love going strong, Jlizzy

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5 Red Flags In Relationships
5 Red Flags In Relationships

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