he is a great guy, but..

[babii doll]

after a recent break up with the ex not too long ago i have since met an amazing guy who does everything the ex couldnt, we have soo much in common.

 

we're both cartoon freaks, sometimes we'll stay on the phone with eachother and watch family guy or south park we both share the same interests in traveling, reading, music etc etc

 

we both just came out of crappy relationships where we were taken advantage of and our needs werent met. we both have high sex drives and are open-minded for sure. the sex is amazing.

 

since we both are recently single we've agreed there shouldnt be a rush to be exclusive right now.

 

aside from that he has a great job, hes stable, no psycho tendencies whatso ever, hes kindhearted, great communicator and personality.. the list could go on and on..

 

the only thing is there isnt a strong physical attraction to him, i thought i could look beyond that when we first met, but i notice things appearance wise that kindof turn me off from him now.

 

he's not a fit person, like he was in his navy seal days, he's kindof heavy set and average in looks.

 

i finally meet a great guy and i cant get past the appearance, even though he's basically my dream guy in every other sense.

 

im trying my hardest to look past this but it just isnt working for me.

 

is it poosible to accept this overtime? can a person really focus on their personality alone and not the appearance?

[High5girl]

What attracted you to him in the first place? There had to be something. No?

 

Keep in mind, these things can change. Average looks isn't bad.

Your appearance can change as well.

 

I made the mistake of marrying a "hot guy" when I was younger.

After only a few short months into the marriage....he gained a ton of weight (my cooking helped in that) and he cut his hair and shaved off his facial hair. (I'm a huge fan of facial hair)

He didn't look like that man I married. His personality was bad. His sense of humor didn't exist. He didn't believe in communication and the sex with him was God awful. And that's an understatement.

but I married him for his looks. Shallow, I know...but it was a huge lesson learned.

The way I look at it...when you love someone. You love them or are with them for a reason. There has to be something more than looks to attract you.

Because, once the person has lost their hair, the teeth, the cute body frame they once had...what do you have left?

Hopefully, your best friend or someone you want to be with.

 

My sweetie isn't the hottest guy out there, but he isn't bad to look at.

Everything else about him makes me want to be with him. To me, that's what attracts me to him. His looks come 2nd b/c they can change.

 

I agree with some ppl. Looks do matter, but how important is it to you?

 

Maybe you and him can do things together that involve exercise. Something to help get you both into shape and feeling better emotionally. If he doesn't look unhealthy and he is happy with who he is...you have to either accept him as is or decide whether or not you want to walk b/c of this.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Personally once i get to know an amazing person who makes me laugh and all that, i see them as much more attractive then they were.

 

But if you know how amazing he is already perhaps this isn't going to happen to him.

 

One thing i have to say i am confused about is how can the sex be so amazing if you can't get passed his looks?

 

Perhaps im too young and naive and people will most likely laugh when they read that, but seriously, don't you have to be attracted to the other to not be repulsed that they are that close to you?

 

Once again i apologise for my naivity.

[babii doll]

Personally once i get to know an amazing person who makes me laugh and all that, i see them as much more attractive then they were.

 

But if you know how amazing he is already perhaps this isn't going to happen to him.

 

One thing i have to say i am confused about is how can the sex be so amazing if you can't get passed his looks?

 

Perhaps im too young and naive and people will most likely laugh when they read that, but seriously, don't you have to be attracted to the other to not be repulsed that they are that close to you?

 

Once again i apologise for my naivity.

 

 

i said there wasnt a strong attraction to him. i didnt say i detested the guy. now if i did theres no way he'd get that far, aside from the weight he's not that bad looking, i think its just the weight that throws me off a bit.

 

during the act i dont focus so much on the physical because im usually looking in his eyes etc plus im really enjoying what we are doing, so its not hard for me look past it then.

 

maybe if he lost the weight things would be different. but im definitely not going to tell him that. maybe hinting?

[Kiteless]

In the end it is the only way anyone will ever be successful at keeping weight off is if it was their own idea. Hinting, asking, and so forth isn't probably going to work. When going into a relationship you shouldn't have terms that you expect to be met, you should be getting into a relationship with that person the way they are and be OK with that person.

[babii doll]

In the end it is the only way anyone will ever be successful at keeping weight off is if it was their own idea. Hinting, asking, and so forth isn't probably going to work. When going into a relationship you shouldn't have terms that you expect to be met, you should be getting into a relationship with that person the way they are and be OK with that person.

 

well this isnt a "relationship" not sure if the same rules apply, i would never ask him outright to lose the weight, maybe offer to take him with the gym with me or do things together, walking etc. i dont know.

 

he doesnt seem happy with the weight either, hes made a few comments here and there but i dont think hes actively trying to lose it yet.

[Kiteless]

Then that is a perfect opportunity if you feel he has mentioned he is uncomfortable with it. Your ideas of hitting the gym together, walks, or whatever is fantastic and the right way to go about it. The best motivation in the world is to have someone to be active with!