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how long I should give the "just hanging out" stage?


jpmartin

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he seems interested but doesn't keep consistent cotact with me. never calls. just email to schedule time to get together (once a week?) I asked about getting together Sunday, and it's Saturday afternoon, he still won't give me an answer.

 

ok, maybe he's not that into me, maybe he's taking it slow to know me better, maybe he's really busy and have to drive 1hr round trip to see me.... but I get more emotionally attached to him.

 

we've been emailing each other since November and we'd two dates since late January. I'm really bothered by his lukewarm behavior, yes, we'd fun hanging out but I want a bf but not a friend. how long should I give to the "just hanging out" stage before write him off? can I talk to him how I feel? thanks.

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What have you both emailed about? Was it emailing for on line dating intentions?

 

I used to chat on line (as friends) alot with my bf before we began dating. For a long long time.

 

But then we finally decided to hang out in person and MAYBE take it to another level. This whole hanging out lasted about 2 months till I finally made a move and kissed him. He waited to see if I was genuinely interested, and was scared of making the move I guess. I wasn't very open about what I wanted. But I could tell he was dying to kiss me from the 2nd-3rd date.

 

And yea. In the beginning when we began hanging out it was once a week. But we did text each other every day to say hi in between. None of us was sure about what the other wanted exactly but I'm glad we didn't write each other off. It took me time to develop and be sure of my attraction to him.

 

Does this guy flirt with you or compliment? He could be shy too. What if your gut telling you most of the time? Interested or not?

If he's driving 1 hr to come see you once a week I think that's a good sign. And maybe this week he has something else he needs to do.

I'd say give it a month?

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It sounds to me as though he is either already with someone else, and has been testing the waters trying to have his cake and eat it too.

 

I may be way off though, he might just be a very shy person and have a demanding job so he isn't able to reply to you very often. Maybe he is forgetful, or just content with the way things are so casual between the two of you.

 

You should probably write him and say exactly what you think. Tell him you'd like to hang out more and specify that you are interested in him as more than just friends. Ask him if he feels the same, his reply will be all you need to know to make a more well informed decision on what you're going to do about the situation.

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well, 2 dates isn't very much at this stage to give the 'where is this relationship going?' talk. i would hang back and go out with him, if he asks and you are still interested. in the meantime, keep meeting other guys. once a week for so early on isn't bad.

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JP, I wouldn't put my life on hold for this guy and especially since he's showing, not a lot of enthusiasm in calling. He's an hour away, yeah. Understandable that you can't meet as often as you'd like too. But distance isn't a barrier for picking up a phone and calling.

 

There's no harm in taking things slow ....but not as slow, as in not hearing from them hardly. If the guy was keen...he'd prove it.

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I would call this going on dates not "hanging out" but if it were me I wouldn't give more than one or two chances to someone who couldn't be bothered to make specific plans with me in advance unless it was a highly unusual situation or emergency.

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thanks everyone... I guess I'm not a patient person. my guts tell me that he's interested but he's something else going on. he never compliment me nor flirt, but did laugh at my jokes a lot, he invited me to go ski with he and his cousin, he did ask me will I plan to stay in this city for long, etc. which made me think he's interested. but the no calling, no contact thing bothers me a lot,also I didn't feel he plans to kiss me at all. after the dates, he will go silent for 4 days or more, then only email to schedule another date.he seems doesn't want to plan dates ahead, although he'd said his work schedule is pretty flexible.

 

I don't know how to drive( I'm not originally from US), so he comes here to meet me. I'm thinking riding a shuttle to his place some time though, it's 35min each way...

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