imlost586 Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 I know this is alot to read but please read it and send me your advice... My name is Justin Jones im 21 years old,. I have some relationship advice to ask of anyone. I been dating a girl for about 4 months named Ashley who is also 21 that I met on link removed. when we first met in person she lived about 4 hours away from where I was in training when we first met online. I took a weekend and drove 4 hours up to (personal details deleted by KayKay) meet her for 2 days. We met and started to like each other alot. Then she would drive 4 hours down to see me every weekend while I was in training. It wasn't long when before we started a relationship. I moved up to her area and now im about 20 min away from her. For the past 3 months we been hanging out and getting along great up until recently. She told me about 3 weeks ago that she felt that she was beginning to fall in love with me and i told her I felt the same way. Everything was great then. Now about 2 weeks ago she suddenly wants to be distant. She hardly ever wants to cuddle, kiss or anything, she doesn't reply to about 75% of my texts, doesn't answer my phone calls, but we never did talk on the phone alot. I don't know if your familiar with the web site link removed but I'll send her stuff on there and I hardly ever get a reply of any kind. She doesn't treat me like a girl should treat a boyfriend she just treats me as if she doesnt care about me hardly at all. I talked to her about it and she says she doesn't know what's wrong with her but she says that she feels like she needs to put walls up because she's getting too close to me and she says its not my fault. She says she wants to be with me and wants to try taking a break to see if that will help her take her walls down. We agreed to a break but nothing changed we hung out again, were having sex, kissing once in a while and cudding here and there even though we were supposed to be on a break, but not nearly as much as before she started acting distant, She has been showing some improvement but she still has been very distant when im not with her physicly. I went to visit family in Michigan for a week and she only texted me a few times while I was away. Before she started acting distant she would complain sometimes that I didn't text her enough. Im back from michigan now and she is still being distant she said we are supposed to be on a break and shouldn't be seeing each other shes right but we both agreed to hang out while we were on our break. So if she didnt want to hang out with me why would she agree and why would she act like there was nothing really wrong while we are physicly togeather? So now I agreed with her to take a break where we don't see each other or talk to each other we just don't mess with other people even though she insisted that it be ok to kiss other people just nothing further than that. I really care about her and I have been in a few relationships in the past few years and I haven't found anybody that makes me as happy as her especially for 3 months, which is not a long time at all but I never found a girl that makes me happy for that long of a time. I do not want to loose her and I don't feel like this break is going to change her to not be afraid to get closer to me. She also has this friend that doesn't like me for no reason. She has even asked her friend why she doesn't like me and her friend doesn't know. I think that might be having some kind of impact on her too. Also about a month before we started dating she got out of a relationship of 2 and 1/2 years with a boyfriend that cheated on her and treated her poorly. I think that has something to do with it and so does she. She says that she knows she shouldnt be talking to him but shes not going to stop. sense she has started talking to him again, he is trying to get her back and he's a big manipulator and she knows this. She says she has no interest at all in getting back with him even if she was single. She says he has nobody that cares about him and he's addicted to drugs and she wants to help him, I told her thats fine but that I don't think its a good idea for her to talk to him too much. She insists that she keeps talking too him cuz she wants to help him and that she would never forgive herself if she didn't. So I really don't know what to do. So as of right now Im giving her space and we arent talking to eachother or seeing each other or seeing other people. She has only been putting walls up toward me for a few weeks so I dont think I should break up with her just yet. I just need to know a away to help her take her walls down and not to be worried that I will hurt her. Please send me your advice. thanks alot. Justin Jones
D_Lish Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 So she was in a relationship for two and a half years and it ended a month before you dated her? Everything is great, she tells you she is falling for you....life is good. Suddenly.... Her ex comes back on the scene, she's distant, building walls, not answering texts, etc, etc. Say no more. She's still hung up on him and isn't over him. Sounds like you fell victim to the 'rebound'...
imlost586 Posted February 7, 2009 Author Posted February 7, 2009 So she was in a relationship for two and a half years and it ended a month before you dated her? Everything is great, she tells you she is falling for you....life is good. Suddenly.... Her ex comes back on the scene, she's distant, building walls, not answering texts, etc, etc. Say no more. She's still hung up on him and isn't over him. Sounds like you fell victim to the 'rebound'... yeah I thought of that, but I can tell she has no interest in getting back with him..plus he lives all the way in southern texas 14 hours away. i never really was that conserned about him being the problem. I do think she really jsut wants to help him with his drug problem. She started acting like this a little bit before she started talking to him again. There has to be something I can do for her to make her feel more secure to get close to me and help her get over the fact that she was hurt and doesnt wanna take risks to get hurt again. anyideas?
waltwhit Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 The only way to find out what she is feeling or doing is to talk to her about it and ask her. If she can't give you a straight answer, then she's probably not worth agonizing over. Alternatively, if she does give you a straight answer, you will have to accept it and go from there. If it is appropriate, based on her answer, you might try asking some more questions or get to the root of why she has been so distant - just ask her straight out. I mean, it is very obvious that her feelings for you or regarding you have changed, and you have every right to ask her about that and find out why. If it seems like there is something you can do to change that, or if she just needs space, then give it to her. But I have to tell you, constantly trying to contact her either via telephone, Facebook, text or whatever other means, is not going to make the situation any better - especially if space is what she needs. In fact, all that contact is just going to make it worse. I know you feel like you want to contact her and that eventually everything will be back to normal, but that simply isn't going to happen Talk to her about what is going on, get to the root of the problem, and then you will have a decision to make from there whether or not you should continue to pursue this person. 14 hours is a long distance too, and personally I am not a proponent of long distant relationships. I mean, I think you can just as easily find someone who thrills you that is around the corner, or at least in the same city. But, be that as it may, my advice for THIS situation stands. Hope i've been helpful..
imlost586 Posted February 7, 2009 Author Posted February 7, 2009 yeah she said she needs space thats why i agreed to a break because other than that there is no reason for a break cuz we never have been in a fight. oo and i was saying her ex boyfriend moved away 14 hours away from us. she lives 20 min from me, i dont do long distance relationships lol. once she says she is ready to come off our break which could be weeks or more from now i will talk to her if she hasnt changed. I brought up leaving her before our break and she got kinda mad she said "why dont you just join the club all my other boyfriends break up with me" so theres something inside her that makes her want to stay with me i just need her to bring that back out.
imlost586 Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 does anyone else have any ideas of what i could do? I just would like as many opinions as i can get. thanks
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