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what does this mean?


KJ2008
When He Says He Wants Space | Begin...
When He Says He Wants Space | Beginner's Guide

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well my g/f and i got into an argument the other day. she says i put my car (im a car enthusiast) first, and shes sick of me talking about it. she told me on myspace that she "needs a break from it", but yesterday at the mall we kind of made ammends..except for one thing that has been bothering me.. she told me this on AIM..

 

"idk, i just dont feel like i used to i dont get that tingly feelign when i see you or kis you i mean its like we go through the motions but theres no feelings from both sides"

 

i took this from my AIM logger..this is what she told after the argument we had. idk what to make from it..she says she wants to work things out and try harder, but are these feelings something that can be "worked at" in a relationship?

 

ps..sorry if i posted in the wrong section..im new to this site.

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Not feeling like a high priority in a relationship can be excruciatingly draining on a person. The realization that that may be the case can kind of creep up on you too, and before long, it can unfortunately take over and make you start to question the other persons intentions, your feelings, the state or future of the relationship, etc. This is NOT just wanting attention. I'll try to give a very general example. If you happen to spend an entire evening or two working on your car instead of going out to dinner or watching a movie on the couch or just doing something together when your girlfriend was in the mood to do that, then that's annoying, and maybe she will get a little upset. (Though if she made plans or explicitly told you that she wanted to do those things and you blatantly ignored her, that's not cool at all on your part). But over the whole course of time, if you are spending MOST evenings or a LOT of time with your car, it paints the picture that you would much rather do that than be with her, and even if that's not the case, it's not wrong of her to start to feel like she's slipping down on your list of priorities. I imagine (and hope) that she knows that cars are something special to you, but even a strong, individual, not needy woman will be hurt by the kind of actions I described above.

 

She said she wants to work things out and try harder. That is GREAT. It will mean that you BOTH have to try harder though. She should hopefully be a little more vocal about when she wants to spend time just with you (probably not talking about cars ). You're not a mind reader, and she shouldn't expect you to be, but if you two are close, you should be able to pick up a little on how she's feeling by her actions. And something amazing you could do would be to plan something for the both of you, like an evening out, or maybe dinner and a nice quiet night at home. Something that shows you thought about what could be enjoyable for the both of you. This is NOT just spending money or giving up some time to her. Since she's the one who has said she may be feeling neglected, you showing her that you spent a little while thinking about her and what will make her feel better by doing something as a couple will go a long long long way. This kind of attention is not just something girls want. I'm sure you'd feel great if you found out she had spent time thinking and planning something for you. And if you do show her that she isn't a low priority, she will definitely do the same for you. There may be a time when she gets really involved with a project, school, work, etc. and doesn't spend the same amount of time with you. You should know she's not doing it to be mean, but if it bothers you or you just want to spend time together, you'll need to tell her. Just put yourself in her shoes.

 

Like I said earlier, not feeling important to someone who is important to you can make you start to wonder about a lot of things. She may not feel that "tingly" feeling. And over time, feelings ebb and flow. It takes different actions at different stages in a relationship to keep that relationship going. It's true that the fun, beginning of dating "spark" might not be as strong as time goes by, but that doesn't mean it's over. This situation does have an easy fix, if you both are up for it. I just ended a relationship where this was one of the big problems. I took my own advice: I told him my concerns, I suggested things for us to do, I even planned nice things for us to do together (even though I was the one feeling badly), I wanted to work on things. Unfortunately, it became obvious he did not. I realized that he did not want to make me feel special or important in the relationship. It's a very very bad feeling to have. And I am very independent, I can take care of myself, I don't "need" someone else. But if you're "with" someone, it's because you want to feel special to them, but also need to make them feel important to you. If she told you these things and didn't just let them fester until she thought it was completely over, and said she wants to work on things, and you are posting here online, then I think that means you are both ready and willing to try hard. Just do something that lets her know she means more to you than an inanimate car. Tell her. Show her. It will work.

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thats very good advice ca-sunshine, thank you.

 

we dont live together, she works and we both go to school so we dont see each other more than three days a week. its always been like that with her though, whenever she's had a problem, she's asked me through myspace or AIM first, then we talk about it in person..idk why she does that?

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