Tetsuo_Shima Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 it's been about a week since we broke up, I've remained no contact. Keeping busy with friends and schooling, getting my license and playing guitar and such... but... well i guess this is kind of silly but, last night i bought a cake to cheer myself up a bit. i was home alone. my brother was at work and mom was hanging with her friends. i cut two pieces out. one for me, and i placed one on a plate in front of the chair accross the table from me... you know cuz i always used to share with her and such... i didn't even think really just did it outta instinct then i sat down and went to take a bite of mine... i looked accross the table and realized... she just.. isn't there anymore and i couldn't take it anymore, i bawled my eyes out. Remembering this still makes me cry. despite everything i really loved her and i miss her so much but this is what she wanted. I can't make someone be with me if their heart isn't in it. so..day by day it'll get easier... but right now, i don't think i want cake anymore...
IBelieve Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Hey.. it really breaks my heart to read about that I bet half of us wished we could be as strong as you and remain in NC right after the breakup. Props to you buddy and keep it up! I hope things get better for you.
Seymore Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Hey, the cake thing isn't silly. You could be buying a bottle of booze like some people... We're here for you. Avoid the cake. Don't place a piece by her chair, either. Do you have any friends you can invite over and have them sit in that chair to eat the cake? Maybe that'll help - it could "overwrite" that memory, so to speak. Take care of yourself. I'm sorry things are rough. Hopefully tomorrow it'll get better. I personally am on day 40-something of NC and I still have those moments. It's tough.
Tetsuo_Shima Posted February 7, 2009 Author Posted February 7, 2009 I never was a big drinker, hate the stuff personally. she wasn't big on sweets either, i was just used to fixing her a plate when she was over. and I've kept busy with friends and the like. but you gotta have some down time, and thanks. it's been pretty tough fighting the urge to pick up the phone, but this is the way she wants it. in time I'll heal. And I'll be okay. I've been focusing on self-improvement, finishing i'm the last 3 courses to get my high school diploma, i went back to get it. studying for a g1 drivers test. I'm goign through therapy too. So I've kept busy. But there are going to be those moments when it hits you.
Seymore Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Yeah, there are. Especially on the weekends, when I'm not at work. I have to find things to focus my time on...I usually play videogames or hang out with my family. Sounds childish, but the games take me away with their stories and I get lost in them. I also try to play music. I say try because I suck at it...lol.
Tetsuo_Shima Posted February 7, 2009 Author Posted February 7, 2009 Yeah, there are. Especially on the weekends, when I'm not at work. I have to find things to focus my time on...I usually play videogames or hang out with my family. Sounds childish, but the games take me away with their stories and I get lost in them. I also try to play music. I say try because I suck at it...lol. I'm the same way. Thank god for that guitar.
Seymore Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 That's cool that you play guitar. I've had one for 3 years and still can't play a barre chord. Drives me nuts.
Ideal Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 It'll get better, and you're doing the right thing by staying NC. I'm pretty impressed that you so firmly decided to go NC from the beginning. That shows you have the strength to heal, and I'm sure then you'll enjoy cake once again But until then, my heart goes out to you and I hope your pain and sorrow doesn't last too long.
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.