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Feeling so conflicted, and he leaves in the middle of the convo..


Skay

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I have a long distance relationship.

 

We live 1244 mi. away from each other. I never planned to fall in love with him. I never wanted to feel that way again. But I fell in love.. And I felt what love is once more.. We've had great times together. Amazing times. And we've had horrible times. But that wasn't enough for me to not want to meet this man I fell in love with. I traveled almost 1300 miles with my daughter to meet this man. I stayed with him for 5 weeks, and it was the most amazing time I've had in my life.

 

We've been together for almost a year. I'd like to see him again. I can't imagine my life without him.

 

But recently.. He's been different since I went home. He's been unreasonable, more than he usually is. He's been quick to anger. He's been snapping at me for no reason, or over a small mistake I might have made in a game we've played. He's made me cry so many times since I came back to California. And I don't even think he realized it..

 

We got in a fight about an hour ago. It started over something stupid, and small. It had me saying at the end of it "You're killing this relationship"

 

And from there it went like this..

 

d--(Ó.ò)--b -: IF U WANA SAY IT SAY IT

d--(Ó.ò)--b -: * * * * ING SAY IT ALREADY

d--(Ó.ò)--b -: BUT DONT * * * * ING ACT LIKE A CHILD AND LEAVE THIS

d--(Ó.ò)--b -: u wanna end it ?

d--(Ó.ò)--b -: tell me so im not wasteing my time

Skay: no, i don't want to end it

d--(Ó.ò)--b -: id rather GO to hell than be in this * * * * hole

Skay: i'm just tired of you making me feel like crap all the time. do you realize you've made me cry more times since i've been back here than i did the entire last year?

i hate feeling like this manny

Skay: i'm tired of feeling like * * * * all the time

Skay: i don't want to end things.

Skay: but i don't want to feel like this anymore either

Skay: i love you.. but i'm not feeling like you feel the same way lately

Skay: manny say something

d--(Ó.ò)--b -: i dont know what to say

Skay: do you still love me?

d--(Ó.ò)--b -: i cant search a feel that i can truly say love. i know pain. and sadness. being worried, and tired. but im confused about love. b4 u came to canada i felt it at times. when u came here i felt it all the time. but now that ur gone. its almost like that part got taken. i try to put myself in a senerio where ur gone, and i feel empty. if that what love is than yes i do love you. i miss you incredibly. and i want to be with you. im driven to exist to be with you. if that what love is. then yes.. i still love you. i cant explain whats been happening.. u upset me. ill be honest. u do upset me. but im a complicated person. in a game our out. u tend to disappoint me. more online than offline. just cuz of stuff.. i know its a game. but stuff that happens its more than what it looks. its psychological acts that i think though theroughly, and i come up with upsetting results. like this.. what just happened.. what was the god damn point of u leaving the party to go trans, and then just sit there.. did u wanna look all pritty... or .. leave cuz u were bored... why where u bored. is just standing

there more entertaining than being in the party

why not do something productive. after all u left for a reason

(7:03 PM) d--(Ó.ò)--b -: its upsetting and disappointing.. a selfish act that * * * * ed me over

(7:04 PM) d--(Ó.ò)--b -: on top of that.. u went trans with out me

so what if u havnt lvled

u still went on with out me

(7:04 PM) d--(Ó.ò)--b -: but w/e

its not important to you i guess

so then just go on

(7:04 PM) d--(Ó.ò)--b -: and after saying that.. then u become upset

ah * * * * it all

its rediculous

(7:07 PM) d--(Ó.ò)--b -: w/e

(7:07 PM) d--(Ó.ò)--b -: yesterday i said to myself to just let it go. and let u be. even if u go on with out me

(7:08 PM) d--(Ó.ò)--b -: but.. being in the same party as me, i thought maybe u cared

and ud stay

looks like i was wrong

i should just let u be

(7:08 PM) d--(Ó.ò)--b -: so just go on w/e

forget about staying on the same track

d--(Ó.ò)--b is now Offline

 

*The game he's referring to is an mmorpg called Ragnarok Online. Once a character is lvl 99/50, they can rebirth and start over. Which is also called Transcending.. Aka 'trans'..

*A party is a bunch of people who are near the same level grouping together to kill monsters and sharing the experience points.

 

Make of it what you will.. I'm so tired of feeling hurt all the time.. I want to be with this man. But ever since I came back, he's acted.. different.

I talked to a friend of his, and he told me that when I left, my boyfriend took it really hard. Like his heart was broken.

 

But I don't understand! I left for home.. Because I HAD to leave. It's almost like subconsciously he thinks I left him for good. Oh, god I don't want that. I don't want us to end.

 

Please, if anyone out there has advice for me, let me know. Please help me try and salvage what's left of this relationship!

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I believe he is very, very immature.

He's taking this game very seriously as if it's his life.

"(7:04 PM) d--(Ó.ò)--b -: on top of that.. u went trans with out me

so what if u havnt lvled

u still went on with out me

(7:04 PM) d--(Ó.ò)--b -: but w/e

its not important to you i guess

so then just go on "

 

I wouldn't want to be with anyone like that.

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I guess all you can do is give him a little time, then try and talk to him calmly (as you already have) and ask why he was so rude, why he's been acting so strange since you went back home.

Other than that, he pretty much was only angry about the whole game thing and how you stuffed him over or something, i don't know... but that's just plain immature, obviously he takes it very seriously and took your actions all to heart when he should realise there are things outside it..

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Ac143: This was only the msn conversation. The reason for me saying that was because he was yelling at me in-game.

 

While in the game, he was talking in guild chat. [i'm hoping you know what that is]. I went to leave, and he kept accusing me of being a traitor and 'cyber' shouting at me. I went for dinner, and he said "I hope you think about what you did."

"I hope you choke on your food"

"may it be your last"

 

It seemed like he was joking. But I asked him in a private message "You don't honeslty mean that, do you?" And he responded with "yeah, that was really * * * * ed up leaving me like that."

 

And a lot of words were thrown at each other.. and finally I said that he was killing the relationship.. and that's where I left on to msn. Last night we also had a similar fight..

 

The reason for not calling him is because I don't have a home phone line. I have a cell phone that is pay-by-the minute and because it's out of the country, it's 3 times as expensive. I don't have enough money on my phone to call him..

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Im sorry I read the convo the wrong way, I apologize that's why I deleted the post.

 

But I agree he is acting childish, I dont believe this is all about the game though - there seems to be much more behind it then just this game.

 

You should just let him cool off & talk to him later - maybe in a day or so. Seems like there is alot of tension in this relationship. Its very hard to be in an LDR

 

You guys need to have a heart to heart once he cools off.

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KISSKISS: I wish it was as easy as that. I have a daughter, and I don't yet have a job. He lives in a different country. His job is minimum wage ($8.50/hr). There's no way we could possibly live together right now, no matter the want of either party on the subject..

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Im sorry I read the convo the wrong way, I apologize that's why I deleted the post.

But I agree he is acting childish, I dont believe this is all about the game though - there seems to be much more behind it then just this game.

 

You should just let him cool off & talk to him later - maybe in a day or so. Seems like there is alot of tension in this relationship. Its very hard to be in an LDR

 

You guys need to have a heart to heart once he cools off.

 

 

I second that.

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Ac143: That's okay.

 

I've noticed how much tension there's been since I've been home. It was never like that before I went to visit him. It's weird.. Before I went over there, We were fine. And while I was over there we were fine. Better than fine.

 

It's only since I've been back.. (Jan 10, 09). I do love him. I just can't understand why he's been acting like he has. And you're right about it being hard in a long distance relationship.. But even if it's hard, I won't be the one to end it.

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Ac143: That's okay.

 

I've noticed how much tension there's been since I've been home. It was never like that before I went to visit him. It's weird.. Before I went over there, We were fine. And while I was over there we were fine. Better than fine.

 

It's only since I've been back.. (Jan 10, 09). I do love him. I just can't understand why he's been acting like he has. And you're right about it being hard in a long distance relationship.. But even if it's hard, I won't be the one to end it.

 

It might be because he misses you & wishes you were there. An LDR can take a toll on anyone.

 

Has he ever been in an LDR before? I know I can't do it for this very reason, I would miss the other person to much & would drive me nuts. Probably make me act out this way too....maybe not exactly the way he did but....

 

Just let him cool off & seriously have a heart to heart when you guys are ready. To be in a successful LDR you need to communicate ALOT!

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gidget1: I don't feel like he's pushing me to break up with him. I just feel like he's not thinking about what he says before he says it to me. I don't think he realizes that what he says takes a big effect on me.

And he's 20 this yr. in May.

 

Ac143: I don't think he's been in a long distance relationship like this before. Not a serious one, anyway. I plan to let him cool off. I figure it better to give him some time than try and talk to him again and get my head snapped off. =\

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Then I definitely think he is missing you and maybe resenting that you went back to california.. Guys deal with things differently than we do, especially at his age, and with this being his first serious relationship.

You definitely have to have a heart to heart. Let us know how it goes girl.

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Then I definitely think he is missing you and maybe resenting that you went back to california.. Guys deal with things differently than we do, especially at his age, and with this being his first serious relationship.

You definitely have to have a heart to heart. Let us know how it goes girl.

 

I agree, he never had an LDR & is 19 in a serious relationship with a girl he can't see too often so he is dealing with this the only way he knows how.

 

It takes a lot of work, commitment & communication to make an LDR work. You guys just need to get on the same page & let him know if he misses you - just to say so, not be resentful or act out because it will make this even harder on both of you then it already is.

 

Keep us updated!

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All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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