rosephase Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 I'm just wondering.... 1) Would you ever consider a poly relationship? (A relationship that has multiple loving partners) 2) An open relationship of any kind? 3) Do you believe in one true love? 4) Do you think open relationships of any kind can last?
Ac143 Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 1) Would you ever consider a poly relationship? (A relationship that has multiple loving partners) No, I just dont have it in me 2) An open relationship of any kind? See number 1 3) Do you believe in one true love? No, I believe people can have more then one true love within their lifetime. 4) Do you think open relationships of any kind can last? Sure, but I think it takes very strong individuals to make it work. Im not one of them lol
gidget1 Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 1. No. Never. 2. Nope. 3. Not necessarily. 4. Anything is possible.
Supa_gurl Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 1. no way 2. nuh huh 3. one at a time...haha 4. No, I don't think so. It is human nature to harbor some jealous and that jealousy will fester and fester then explode eventually.
Rose21 Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 1.) NO WAY. The thought of it makes me sick. 2.) I don't believe in it. I want my man all to myself. 3.) I believe people can have more then one love in their lifetime, but for me there is only one TRUE love. 4.)No, I don't think open relationships of any kind can last.
Simply Brett Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 1) I am most content with 1 person at a time, so no. 2) No, the risk of disease, and the aggravation either partner would feel if the other got pregnant, or got someone pregnant is not worth it, on top of confusing and compounding mental heal issues. 3) I know what love is, and it doesn't just happen once in this lifetime. I do believe that a some very intelligent and determined couples people will last a lifetime. 4) No matter what kind of relationship people are involved in, if they are content with the circumstances in which they are living anything is possible I suppose. In other cultures where this is common practice, I imagine this occurs on a regular basis. I'm turned off 100% by the idea of sharing myself with anyone other than my current girlfriend, or her sharing herself with anyone other than me. Then again, if you read my #3 you'd recall I said I know what love is. I think people who are more interested in the physical aspect of a relationship would be more inclined to participate in such a lifestyle.
Cognitive_Canine Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 I've actually thought about telling my boyfriend that I don't care if he dates others and I'll stay exclusive to him. Part of me feels like being in this LDR is my fault. After all, I was the one that moved so far away for college. His sex drive has been through the roof lately and I wouldn't really mind if he found a FWB to get some relief. However, I'm not even going to bring it up because I know he'd be completely against it. We've talked about open relationships before and he hates the idea.
Rose21 Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Omg. That would be TERRIBLE for me. I can't believe you'd be okay with it?
unabashed Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 1) Would you ever consider a poly relationship? (A relationship that has multiple loving partners) I don't think so. I am comfortable with monogamy. 2) An open relationship of any kind? I considered it at one point, when I was married but realizing I'm a lesbian. It just didn't seem like the right plan at the time. 3) Do you believe in one true love? No, I don't believe that there is just one person for everyone. 4) Do you think open relationships of any kind can last? I have seen them last as long as other relationships. They seem more complicated, and seem to require a great deal of maturity and self-awareness--something most people are still working on.
Cognitive_Canine Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Omg. That would be TERRIBLE for me. I can't believe you'd be okay with it? I wouldn't be pleased with it. But, It bothers me that he can't get any relief while I'm away. But, I don't know if he can separate sex from love. Then again, I will never really know until something like that happens. Which, my boyfriend would almost 100% likelihood of not be interested in. He's very old fashioned and religious (two things I do like about him). It took us about a year before we even got physical.
schoolmate Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 1) Would you ever consider a poly relationship? (A relationship that has multiple loving partners) Indeed, I have been in such a relationship. 2) An open relationship of any kind? Ditto 3) Do you believe in one true love? Yes and no. There may be out there a one true love for each and every one of us; but then what is the likelihood you or I or anyone else will ever find that special one? I think those chances are slim to none. 4) Do you think open relationships of any kind can last? Yes, I do. Unfortunately (with no irony in my voice), I was not one of those who could make it last. I don't know exactly how to begin this part. Your questions are intriguing, but they are designed as "yes" or "no" questions, leaving specifics of extensive answers to the wind. I think that I was not cut out for a non-monogamous relationship (monogamous is a word I've a problem with--since it means one wife; no mention of a husband, though it's arguable). And I really tried. The person with whom I fell in love, for this sake, we can call her "Daphne," was absolutely, nay, is absolutely spectacular. She awakened in me the self-worth I needed in a time in my life when I didn't have any. And for those readers out there, who may not exist--or read this, I met her at 20 and was with her until I was 22. My life has and continues to be a truly difficult one. Daphne allowed me to realize the true value of myself. And I want to say that, though this does not distinctly have anything to do with polyamory, I think it was her polyamory that made the situation the best for me and, likewise, eventually, the worst for me. We started as friends who cared about friends like anyone does. But then something soon changed. She was in love with me. Now let me tell you, this girl is drop-dead gorgeous, and, on the other hand, I, well, leave a lot to desire. I'm by no means ugly, but I'm not in her league, at all. She had gotten the reputation as someone who slept around but in a careful, very careful way. At the time, I was in love with someone else. Eventually the someone else discovered I had been sleeping with Daphne, and unbeknownst to me the someone else did harbor feelings for me. So, quickly, I dumped Daphne to try and keep the woman, the someone else, I had chased for 3 years in my life. I dumped Daphne quite near my birthday, and she came to see me "one last time" to say adieu. Our friendship was crumbling apart. She gave me a puzzle for my birthday, and we sat crying over it, the two of us, for nearly 2 hours. Still, I was stupid and didn't ask if she would take me back. I knew it wasn't the right decision to leave her, but I had decided to stick to it. Well, as you might expect, that turned out very poorly. The someone else dumped me after 5 days. As one might think, I drifted back toward Daphne. Daphne was and is the best. The night I broke up with Daphne in order to be with the someone else, I called Daphne. Rather, I texted. I told her, "How can it be the right decision if it feels so wrong?" I dated my 3 year crush for 5 days, and I was back dating Daphne. I do know why she took me back, but, at the same time, I don't know why. Over the puzzle, as we cried, I realized that she might be the one true love of my life. She could never commit to me solely, but I wanted to try and see if I could keep her around. That was 6 months into our 1 and a half year relationship. I stuck around a whole year more. I don't mean this to sound as if I need a compliment or a pat on the back for a good job. I loved her. I love her even now. Sure, she dated three or four people in that time period, since the puzzle and the cry to the break up. It was hard. I couldn't handle it. Simultaneously Daphne made me feel as if I were the best person, human being, lover, student, teacher, boyfriend, friend, whatever whilst also causing in me doubt as to "why I wasn't enough". Now, dear readers, this is when I turn to a specific group. If there are people reading this who would claim the "monogamy" camp and are currently dating someone of the "polyamory" camp, don't think you're not enough. It isn't something you have done. It isn't something they have done. In my very humble and lowly-valued opinion, it comes to the point of one's own comfort, ability and past history. Had I been a self-assured, secure person before Daphne, I might have been able to continue to date her. But I was not. I am still not. I go to three therapists of different ilks per week, swallow over 500 mg of an anti-depressant, and I try to stay focused on my problems and hopefully their solutions. Indeed, I was not the correct ingredient for the relationship I embarked upon. It's strange because, I think, had Daphne been a monogamous camper, I don't think I would have realized the power of her choice OF me over others whom she could easily get and easily had! I don't know if it would have turned out any better had she been the mono-camper. In fact, I think I wouldn't have learned as much as I did from her. Though I've only been apart from her for 9 months, I knew 3 years ago, as I know now, that she may very well be the love of my life. But how I am hardwired, very hard-, hard-, hardwired, I can't have her. And I may never be with her. Daphne did something for me for which I will be eternally grafeful. She taught me I was loveable.
scorpio47 Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 1) Would you ever consider a poly relationship? (A relationship that has multiple loving partners) I personally could not - I can only have those kinds of feelings for one person at a time. 2) An open relationship of any kind? No - same reason as above 3) Do you believe in one true love? I don't believe in one true love, but I believe that the number of people that you can have "soulmate" quality type of relationships with are a limited number 4) Do you think open relationships of any kind can last? I think they could last for awhile, but I think in the long run one or more parties will end up developing jealousy, but that's just a guess...I have no personal experience to draw from on this one.
lady00 Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 1) Would you ever consider a poly relationship? (A relationship that has multiple loving partners) No. 2) An open relationship of any kind? No. 3) Do you believe in one true love? No. 4) Do you think open relationships of any kind can last? I'm sure they can and do all the time. Everyone just has to be on board, happy and committed, just like any other type of relationship.
Binoo Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 1) Would you ever consider a poly relationship? (A relationship that has multiple loving partners) No. Never. 2) An open relationship of any kind? Nope. 3) Do you believe in one true love? Not necessarily but I believe in loving only one person at a time. 4) Do you think open relationships of any kind can last? Not forever.
JeckyllNHyde Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 I'm just wondering.... 1) Would you ever consider a poly relationship? (A relationship that has multiple loving partners) 2) An open relationship of any kind? 3) Do you believe in one true love? 4) Do you think open relationships of any kind can last? I thought I saw a similar thread like this. But.. 1. No. It's a strange idea and way of doing things. I don't think I could wrap my mind (?) around it and accept something like it for myself. 2. No. IMO two is perfect and fun, three's a crowd. 3. No, no I believe in several good matches. Each is very very hard to come accross though from my experience. 4. Yes, some people can definitly handle it and have the same views.
Batya33 Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 no, it would not be for me and I disagree that people who are comfortable with it are presumably "strong" mature" or "self aware" - maybe they are, maybe they are not. I would think that being involved in an open relationship could simply mean that the person fears true intimacy, can't get turned on unless he/she has multiple partners, etc. I see nothing wrong with it as long as all the adults consent and are honest with all their sex partners about STD issues-- I might feel uncomfortable if the adults had children in that situation.
purpleduckie Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 no, i wouldn't do it. you know what's very curious when i hear about polygamy? it's always the MEN who have mutliple wifes but not the other way around. You rarely hear about WOMEN having multiple husbands. Now, why is that? That bothers me the most about it. I feel like it's patriarchal and sexist. other than that, if it's equal for both sexes, i don't see the issue. it's definitely not for me. it would probably be messy.
Salicia Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 1. Never in my life! 2. Umm, my answer to number one sums up this answer here! 3. Not really. 4. It's possible.
rosephase Posted February 7, 2009 Author Posted February 7, 2009 no, it would not be for me and I disagree that people who are comfortable with it are presumably "strong" mature" or "self aware" - maybe they are, maybe they are not. I would think that being involved in an open relationship could simply mean that the person fears true intimacy, can't get turned on unless he/she has multiple partners, etc. I see nothing wrong with it as long as all the adults consent and are honest with all their sex partners about STD issues-- I might feel uncomfortable if the adults had children in that situation. I think open relationships that last have to be "strong" "mature" and "self aware" just as I believe that for any monogamous healthy relationship you need to be strong mature and self aware.
Samedy Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Well, I don't want to get too ahead of myself, I don't even have one girlfriend.. But, no, I would not enter a poly-whatever relationship. Morally, it is not for me, I just think that kind of love is between two people. And technically, I don't know where I would even find the time to date more than one woman.
bulletproof Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 I'm just wondering.... 1) Would you ever consider a poly relationship? (A relationship that has multiple loving partners) Possibly. I have been in the position of being involved with a poly guy (he had a gf but it was open) and I was pretty comfortable with it. 2) An open relationship of any kind? Possibly again, but the types of guys I usually end up dating seriously have not been into that type of thing. 3) Do you believe in one true love? No way. If that were true, people would be in trouble if they got divorced or widowed. 4) Do you think open relationships of any kind can last? Sure. Personally I think monogamy is an unnatural state for humans, biologically. Every relationship has it's problems. Just a different set of them for those in poly situations.
lost1607307474 Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 For me personally, I only believe in monogamous relationships. I understand that others may believe in and enjoy poly-relationships and open relationships, but they definitely are not for me and I couldn't never foresee one ever working for me.
Kiteless Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 1) Would you ever consider a poly relationship? (A relationship that has multiple loving partners) Already Am. 2) An open relationship of any kind? I am more into the idea of multiple long term serious relationships, but I understand the other flavors of poly (and monogamy!) are just as valid. 3) Do you believe in one true love? Nope, not for me. I believe that love isn't something that is the same for everyone, consequently the love I feel for each of my partners is different. For some people, one true love is a concept that applies to them. 4) Do you think open relationships of any kind can last? Let's see, I've been with one SO for 10 years, another for 2, and another for 8 months. I know people who have been doing it for 20+ years. Yes, I know they can last. The thing is, when poly relationships end, mono people tend to blame it on the poly aspect. No one ever blames mono breakups on the fact they were mono. The facts are that a large majority of relationships don't last. Also I'd like to say polyamorous isn't the same as polygamy. In most circumstances, partners are equal to have relationships with other people. I have three male significant others. All but one of my SOs are currently "single" other than I am. One last point for me. For me, and many poly folks, jealousy is just a mask for other issues like insecurity, not getting your needs met, etc. If you step back from your situation and analyze what you are feeling, you can generally get to the bottom of why you feel like you do and address the real concern.
itsallgrand Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 1) Would you ever consider a poly relationship? (A relationship that has multiple loving partners) I have, in my early 20s. Tried it for a while in between two one-on-one relationships. 2) An open relationship of any kind? I have, yes. 3) Do you believe in one true love? No. Not in the sense of "one soul mate out there for one person". But I do believe in there being different levels of commitment and loving. And frankly - I believe a monog relationship provides the structure for the type of relationship and life I want. 4) Do you think open relationships of any kind can last? Yes. They can last, the same as they can be short term. Not much different than if a person chooses to have only one partner and commit solely to them. That's a matter of commitment, values, fidelity, honestly, communication within what a person chooses in terms of what relationships entails to them. It's going to vary. But in my opinion, a monog relationship is where it is at for me. That is what I want. To me, it's a matter of energy and commitment - I want to put ALL of that available love and energy and romance into one person, and vice verse. I personally believe the deepest level of commitment and intimacy can be (though not always necessarily is!) shared in a commited long term relationship between two. And when it comes to families; I would want to raise a child or children in that framework and would feel like I was cheating a child to do otherwise. That is only my personal feelings, but is what is none the less. I think poly relationships are fine so long as they are not children involved or being produced - the sort of thing for free adults to meet their needs and have fun and do as they wish - but for me the line is drawn at when the goal is family w/children.
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