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Being in an effortless relationship = unatractive ?


Tarkan
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So I came up with this question after hearing and reading alot of stories from a certain amount of people. You see, there are relations where both lovers don't argue as much as in other relationships, where everything seems perfect and where both people go around well. It feels so good that it would come over as if both were married and knew eachother for years.

 

Now it seems that alot of these relationships end because they were "effortless".

 

Could anyone explain this to me ? Is this a true fact or just something that doesn't happen for everyone.

 

I ask this because a relationship described as above seems a good one to me. And I don't understand why people would end it because it's effortless. I guess it has something to do with "hard to get" but do you really have to simulate this in order to keep a relationship working ?

 

Isn't it enough to just like eachother emotionally and sexually ? ^^

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I'm having these troubles right now as I'm sure you know.

My boyfriend and I still love eachother emotionally and are sexually/physically attracted to eachother- but right now the whole lack of effort on his behalf is a major turn off.

It shows that he doesn't care as much as I do, and I don't want to be in a relationship where I only get out 50% of what I put in.

Extremely unattractive.

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It ends because, for a lot of people, life is all about the journey. It's about striving to make something of something that doesn't exist. It's about fixing things. It's about struggling to solve problems. It's about work. It's about striving toward change.

 

Minus these components, many people feel dead in their relationships, uninspired and unromantic. The require discord so that they have something to achieve. With nothing to achieve? Boredom sets in. People's jobs work the same way. When there is something to achieve, something to fix, then a job can be exhilarating. Minus that component then it doesn't matter how harmonious your job may be... it will bore you.

 

This is also why a lot of successful couples engage in group activities which inspire them both, and it allows them to take some of their focus away from the actual relationship itself. Couples that start businesses together, train for athletic endeavors together, build things together, etc. have a focus that they can aspire to together.

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@Gidget: Oh am sorry for you. Have you talked about it with him ? Maybe he doesn't know that and sees everything as normal.

 

Anyway, I ment it more like: Both have a great time but noone is "hard to get". You don't have to do alot of effort to please the other. Maybe I could phrase it like this: "It's going too great, you're always nice to me". That's the kind of lack of effort I ment. ^^

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@Jettinson: I understand that aspect of a relationship. Hmm that's a nice perspective tough. Doing stuff together that you like is great. I've always met people that don't like that and will deliberately avoid it because they think that because of that, you'll spend too much time together ( which could cause boredom ).

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I doubt many people have an effortless relationship. I think maybe you mean a relationship that has someone in it who always goes along and never wants to cause trouble...if that is what you mean yes it can get boring because honestly who wants to be with someone who is never a challenge? Challenges are not always bad. Disagreements are healthy. I'd be very bored with someone who always wanted to please and never knew how to communicate something he was not happy with or didn't communicate well in general.

 

Now there are always going to be those drama lovers who can't seem to thrive in a relationship that is not wrought with angriness and dramatics, but those people will have a hard time being happy in ANY relationship, even the tumultuous ones. So it isn't fair to say that it is only becuase the relationship was 'easy' for them that made it fail. They might thrive on drama but those relationships are always going to be a mess.

 

Challenge is good. Constant conflict is not. There is a difference. Healthy people know how to discuss differences. A strong relationship for inquisitive minded people is also one where each person challenges the other intellectually. It would also be boring to me to be in a relationship with a person who never really has much thirst for adventure or learning.

 

Hope that all made sense.

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I agree (for the most part) however a challenge is does not have to be viewed as work. My wife and I have disagreements, but neither of us have to "work on or relationship" because when we do disagree and one (or both) of us compromise, we do it out of love for the other, thus I is not really work...a labor of love, I guess.

 

It is the same concept of going practicing and/or training for a sport. Daily practice is tough and grueling, but it is the love of the sport that motivates us and lets us view those workouts as a positive.

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I dont believe there is such thing. I think every single

relationship even the most holiest have arguments and

fights and don't talk to eachother for days in a row,Sometimes!

Ofcourse, most good relationship will talk it out and make up

eventually.....

 

Believe me there at relationships without any kind of conflict, believe it or not im in one.

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I agree (for the most part) however a challenge is does not have to be viewed as work. My wife and I have disagreements, but neither of us have to "work on or relationship" because when we do disagree and one (or both) of us compromise, we do it out of love for the other, thus I is not really work...a labor of love, I guess.

 

It is the same concept of going practicing and/or training for a sport. Daily practice is tough and grueling, but it is the love of the sport that motivates us and lets us view those workouts as a positive.

 

That is exactly what i meant by not all challenges being a bad thing, because not all of them are work.

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I dont believe there is such thing. I think every single

relationship even the most holiest have arguments and

fights and don't talk to eachother for days in a row,Sometimes!

Ofcourse, most good relationship will talk it out and make up

eventually.....

 

Sorry, but there has not been a night (well may be 3 nights in 16+ years) that my wife and I went to bed mad at each other....(and it was always my fault!)

 

WE don't have arguments, we do have discussions, but we never fight over them and I can honestly say that I have never raised my voice at my wife.

 

So yes, Virginia, there is such a thing as a effortless relationship!

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God just enjoy the comfort, If things are going well why rock the boat. If you need a challenge take on a hobby or something. Life is challenging enough without having to play games of playing hard to get. Face the challenges of life together, plan for the long haul. Start working toward those goals...

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