Just a thought.

[SighSob]

I noticed that what hurts me the most is not missing my ex - even though I want her back more than anything else... - but the thought that what we had wasn't as meaningful and beautiful as I thought it was.

 

I also noticed that no matter how hard I try to convince myself that my ex has changed, I still want to picture her as the girl I fell in love with 2 years ago. It's like my heart is trying to convince me that she was "the one" & that we are meant to be together while my brain tries to make me look at things objectively.

 

I think the hardest part of a breakup is not letting go of your ex as a person, but accepting that we made a mistake: he/she was not the one and we'll have to start all over again.

 

(...and even while I'm writing this, my heart still doesn't want to believe it!)

[Loki71]

Very well said. I couldn't agree with you more. This is a good start to your healing process.

[Simply Brett]

The problem I find with most relationships, is that most people tend to put their best foot forward. This may not seem like a problem at first, but its probably the most costly mistake a couple can make.

 

Once you see all that's good in the person, you kinda get this idea that they are such a great person, and you are on the same page, and you are so in love - and in fact you are.. but potentially with an idea, not so much with a person.

 

What I mean is, we meet people and we show off our best - we want to win their hearts, and captivate their minds. They do the same for us, in effort to win us over as well. IN the process, both people tend to put aside any differences and write them off as "that's ok we have so much else in common."

 

Snowball effect. Small differences at start up, or suddle "flaws" which we aren't aware of at first, or do not pick up on tend to roll down hill eventually, and become a bigger problem as time goes on.

 

All the sudden we wake up on day and were like, wow I can't believe how this person is talking to me.. you might ask yourself. "Is he/she serious? IS she on drugs? Is this some kinda sick joke?"

 

No, not at all. The truth is, we were blinded by love and were most likely unable to see the person who who they really are, because we accepted their "show" to be who they are, and nothing less. We hold them to this gold standard, and then every little argument, or every thing we don't like about them REALLY begins to become a sore spot, and an undesirable thing to deal with.

 

We end up thinking "I can't believe that this person is really this terrible, what did I do wrong, why did they change?"

 

They didn't change, that's who they always were.. unfortunately it's hard to believe because once you see the best someone has to offer, you are going to be in disbelief when they screw up - that's for certain.

 

To prevent feeling this way the future, I suggest you discuss all the ups and downs of life with your potential partner, ask them the down and dirty like whats the worst thing they have ever done, as them how they might act in a certain situation. Really get a good understanding for how their coping skills are, and try not to form "expectations." Rather, be supportive and understanding of their "flaws."

 

In doing so, I think you will find you are able to build a much more solid foundation for a relationship where honesty was employed right from the start, so nothing comes as a surprise or a heart break!

 

Best wishes.

[brokentune]

"the one"

 

I was with who I thought was "the one" for 15 years... I've given up the idea that "the one" is actually out there.