Advice needed, how can i help my best friend?

[columbine]

My best mate just broke up with her girlfriend and she's utterly devastated.

 

The girlfriend broke it off, telling her that while she loved her, it was too intense. My friend is heartbroken and can't believe it.

 

The thing is, my friend has had a difficult life, a few things have happened to make her emotionally unstable and left her with bad feelings about relationships. Her own mother abused her for 12 years, and all her ex boyfriends have treated her badly, including one getting her pregnant and leaving her to go through an abortion all by herself, and another beating her up.

 

she met this girl and was so happy; it was her first relationship with another female and it seemed great for her, the girl is lovely and kind and beautiful etc.

 

But they've broken up. I think it might be because my friend, with all that has happened to her, has become very needy. she's very full on, has mood swings from hysteria to depression.

 

she also throws herself into the relationships she has, spending every 2nd with the person. This, i think, made the gf feel exhausted and could be the main reason for the break up.

 

I want to help my friend out, as i don't think she's aware of how emotionally draining she can be. I watch her relationships crumble because they get fed up with her time and time again. I've told her she's a very intense person to be around, but I want to help her understand without hurting her too much. I'm always there for her, and she knows that. But due to her nature there are few other people who are there for her, because people tire of her and i'm feeling really strained.

 

I'm also worried as she's very down atm and often resorts to self harm in times of depression.

 

Please help.

[peace_lily]

Your friend sounds like she needs more than any one friend can give to another. Perhaps you could offer to go to therapy with her. To take her and drop her off, or to do it together so that it won't feel so intimidating to her. Maybe to screen and find a good therapist for her...

 

If she is harming herself physically in some way, you need to get her professional help right away.

 

Good luck. You are a good friend to be so thoughtful and caring about someone who is obviously in so much pain and need.