Long Distance Relationship...the end.....

[cracKness]

Feb 13 was our 9th anniversary.... Saturday, feb 21, it ended.

 

Everything seemed to be fine...we had been having some issues, with her being in the state of Washington and me in Florida....We have known each other for almost 2 years, online...we met in person in december of 2003... Lately she had been getting more busy....working full time, going to her community college full time...involved in her old highschool club part time.... I started feeling that she was giving me close to no time...and thats where our issues came up from... but it would pass...and the few times we got to talk, the few times she gave me priority, it would be great....and when i would talk to her about missing her, about how i didnt know when we would see each other again (my job situation isnt the best right now) and she would give me hope for the future, told me not to think about that stuff. Saturday, i found out that friday night (feb 20) she went out with a coworker of hers (one that she likes and she thinks likes her back)...and she lied to me about it....she didnt tell me about it, i found out she sent him an email (but thats a story of its own)...

 

when i confronted her about it at first she tried telling me he was just a friend and she only liked him as a friend, and she broke up with me saying that she couldnt take the lonelyness, and that the relationship wasnt fair to each other, and that we had been arguing or whatever.... sunday night we spoke, and she told me that she had been wanting to break up for the past few weeks, because she felt that the relationship had hit a wall, and that we didnt know when we would see each other again...that she just gave me hope cuz she was trying to convince herself of the same....and now we're not talking, because we're taking some time off from each other...she says she wants to continue having a friendship relationship though....

 

Basically i'm lost because i have no idea why all this happened....i feel she cheated on me, and i would have never found out if she hadn't told me about it. we used to have a lot of communication, but we had lately been having a lack of it because of all the things she's involved in. I don't know whether to believe her story about her loving me but being too lonely or whatever, since she lied to me about the guy she went out bowling with...i feel if she truly loved me, she wouldnt have lied, wouldnt have let it end like this....right now im torn between feeling like i never want to hear from her again, and feeling that i love her and hurting so much because of it.

 

 

I know this is a hella long post, but i guess im just getting it out of my lonely, broken hearted system... comments...anything?

[Athena]

I'm so sorry that you are going through that. I know how hard it is to feel like you are loosing someone and being so far away gives you an even more helpless feeling.

 

I think the way she handled this was really poor. I think in a odd-kinda way, her actions did represent an element of cheating - I'm assuming you guys had an exclusive agreement. But from what you describe, I think she is telling the truth about having been thinking about breaking up for a while. Think about it. When the situation presented itself to go out with this co-worker, its very likely that she was already in a state of mind that was open to that and I think her lack of attention to your relationship over the last couple weeks in a sure sign of that.

 

As far as why she decided to break off the relationship, she did mention lonelyness and the arguing. It sounds to me that she needs more from a relationship than just phone conversation, which is pretty understandable.

 

I think that probably the long distance was the acid that dissolved the situation - there may be more but only she can answer that. Not sure how committed you are to this, but if you want to pursue saving the situation, you are going to have to start offering solutions to what ever the problems are. If the long distance is a problem for her, offer a solution on how to resolve it. Try and find out if that was the only issue - there may be more she is not telling you.

 

-A

[cracKness]

thats what i mean by not knowing what to believe...the whole long distance thing was her idea...before we actually started talking about being more than just friends, i would have never gotten into a long distance relationship....

 

I know about needing more from a relationship than just talking on the phone...like i said it was her idea to begin with....i cant say that i regret going along with it... I fell in love with her, and i would have done anything for her... the only way to resolve the whole long distance thing would be for me to move to washington state...and after this, i can no longer contemplate that....

 

in a previous relationship she had, close to the same thing happened.... she went out with a guy for 2 years (went to school with him), broke up with him, and went out with his best friend the next day.... Turns out that with the first bf, they never even kissed, so i understood the whole wanting more than that.... but when i talked to her...asked her about her wanting more from our relationship than i could offer her...she told me not to worry about it...told me how happy i made her.... I don't understand why she just couldn't tell me the truth about everything....its not that i dont believe she had been wanting to break up with me...it's that i can't believe there isn't something she's not telling me...

 

I absolutely detest being lied to...she knew this....and everytime i think about how she was telling me she loved me...i mean, she told me that friday night after going out with that guy... how can i believe that that was true, and if i can't believe she was being truthful that night, how do i know she was telling the truth to begin with? I know its recent, and i know im bitter as heck...but i can't believe she would lead me on like that...im in so much pain still, and yet i feel like she did this all shamelessly, with blatant disregard for whatever i might be feeling...

 

according to her "I do hope that sometime we can talk again, although we both need some time away from each other phone and inet wise right now" ....somehow i don't feel a 9 month love coming from that statement, or the 2 emails i've gotten from her on the subject....i guess it doesn't help that i've found out on my own that the other guy is in a higher social class than i am/ would be a better catch anyways...