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This could get awkward..


Girl79

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So I have been really good buddies with my coworker for like a year and a half now. He's a great guy, we get along really well, joke and laugh all day. We tend to work long hours in the summer because of the work we do, so all of us at work have formed pretty good friendships. That is, until last night! Him and some others are out of the country for some work courses and he calls me all drunk and chats for a bit. Then, 2 minutes after that, he sends me a text. "God, I'm secretly in love with you" I can't say I was totally surprised, I kinda had a feeling, and other guys at work have been mentioning lately how they think he likes me too but whatever, I just brushed it off.

Now I'm wondering what to do when he comes back to work. I haven't seen the guy in two months as I have been working at another location, but pretty much I think I will see him Monday. So, do you think I should completely ignore it? I'm in a relationship and don't want anything more than to be buddies with this guy.. he is like a brother to me. I think ignoring it is the best way to handle it, I mean maybe he doesn't even mean it since he was drunk and all. Any thoughts?

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I just feel the friendship is kind of going to be ruined now and this sucks SO much because we were such good buddies One of my coworkers just came into my office and we were chatting, and he told me that the guy confessed to him last month while I was away that he is in love with me but would never act on it because I am in a relationship and all. I'm disappointed in a way. I don't want to start the debate again over if guys and girls can just really be friends, but it makes me wonder about all the other guys friends I've ever had.

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It sounds like he may be testing the waters a little here. All these coworkers telling you he likes you and then the text. I would let it go for now and when anyone brings up that he likes you make sure you make it perfectly clear to them that you wouldn't be interested in dating him even if you weren't in a relationship and he is just a friend. It will get back to him and should take care of the matter.

It is disrespectful for any guy to be going around expressing his feelings for someone that is in a relationship let alone saying he loves you. You are right to suspect his motives for being your friend.

 

I hope he comes to his senses and backs off.

 

lost

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I disagree somewhat with other people that you should just drop it and hope he forgets it too. While he was drunk, he probably did it knowing that he was and that he had an "out" if you didn't feel the same about him. But if you completely ignore it, he may be humiliated in that you didn't even respect him enough to give him a response. I would either text him or e-mail him something like, "I appreciate you're going out on limb for me and I'm sorry if I ever gave you the wrong impression, but I don't have feelings for you beyond friendship and I'm happily in a committed relationship. I really appreciate our friendship and would like to continue it, but if you feel that you can't, I'd understand." If you do write, keep it brief and don't make it into a big deal so that he has a graceful out.

 

If he really is your friend, give him the benefit of the doubt in that he probably didn't mean any disrespect to you or your boyfriend. He probably just had these feelings bottled up inside and when he was drunk, just felt the need to express them.

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I can't send an email like that. It will make things worse I think. I think I should probably just let it blow over and try not to let it get in the way of the friendship (thinking thats pretty impossible now though). If anything, I think he might bring it up and laugh it off or something. There would be way too much awkwardness if I sent an email like that I think.

Also we are close and he knows about my relationship and stuff so I really think me telling him that would just be unnecessary.

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I can't send an email like that. It will make things worse I think. I think I should probably just let it blow over and try not to let it get in the way of the friendship (thinking thats pretty impossible now though). If anything, I think he might bring it up and laugh it off or something. There would be way too much awkwardness if I sent an email like that I think.

Also we are close and he knows about my relationship and stuff so I really think me telling him that would just be unnecessary.

Up to you, but I think it's far more awkward for you to say nothing. It leaves the issue unresolved on his end. By saying nothing, he will start making assumptions that are based on insecurities or uncertainties. He will either assume you're not sure what you want, so continue to up the ante until he gets a response. Or he will completely withdraw because he will assume your silence means you are completely horrified at the thought of being with him (and thus, he'll also feel humiliated).

 

Lack of communication will lead to misunderstanding, because you will always be guessing about his motives as your friend and he will always be guessing whether you care about him at all or not. It will always be this 500 lb gorilla in the room if you ever hang out. That WILL eventually lead to the destruction of the friendship. Communication along the lines of something I wrote above will draw a boundary to prevent future misunderstanding, but at the same time show him that you respect him and his feelings. The friendship may still dissolve, but I think it stands a better chance when the lines of communication are open. Why do you believe that it would make things worse?

 

Also, why do you think a friendship will be impossible in the future? Is it because you think he can't handle it, or because you can't? Or do you just have the belief that friendship can't work if one person has feelings for the other and it's not mutual?

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Well it's going to be hard for me to be friends with someone who I know is in love with me. It would make me feel like I would have to watch what I say or do to make sure that I am not leading him on in any way. Or maybe I am wrong and things will be able to continue as they are but I gotta tell you, it feels weird right now. I am not looking forward to seeing him on Monday.

I'm pretty sure he KNOWS we are only friends. Im going to see how things go, if we are right back where we started as buddies, I'm going to leave it. BUT, if he ups the ante, then I'll have to talk to him.

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Well he just got back into town and called me on the way out of the airport. We talked for a bit about stupid work stuff and it all seemed just like before. He then threw in something along the lines of, the guys he was partying with ( my old coworkers from another plant) were party animals and had him send me a bunch of text messages. That was all that was mentioned. I have no idea what it means but it sounded kind of like he was blaming them for sending the message. I think I'll just see how things play out from here.

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