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I have no idea whats going on with me


mr me

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Im finally am starting to do things that i need to do to be better but i feel worse. I know i had alot of anxiety of having to try to get over my ex and having to just live my life now knowing the stuff ive had to deal with. I dont even know how ill be able to live my life now based on all the crazy issues that ive had to deal with. I still am even struggling with trying to have the will to get thru this. I can probably say i dont even have it. Its just I still am trying to see even with all of this going on how i can find a way to live a better life. Im really struggling with the dream of my ex and me working out and things happening the way that we wanted to. Its just that will never happen and i dont ever want to spend another minute of my life being with her. Its just really depressing because i dont think my life will ever be the way i thought it was going to be. It is just too good to be true like a fantasy. Its just idk even know where to begin to let go of that. I probably cant anways because the pain of the break-up and her being with someone else is still too much to deal with. Its basically why ive been in and out of therapy for almost 2 years. Thats not even all my problems because i dont even like talking about all the personal issues ive had to deal with or am struggling with.

 

Its just really confusing because idk if i made myself sick or something because im just so out of it. I was starting therapy again and trying out a support group. Then just like that i had alot of anxiety and my anger was at its worst. I also feel even more depressed because i dont want to be like this. Ive tried different things but i just dont know. All i can think is that its the pain that ive had to deal with this whole time that is just making me this miserable. Ive been trying to not block it out but now its all just there so i feel horrible. Its just the worst thing that can happen to you and then i dont even know how to deal with it or if i can even deal with it. Im going to try being on meds because thats the only other thing i can do. Ive heard good and bad stories so i dont really know but im really just doing whatever i can do to keep myself sane. I have such a messed up life story its hard to now have to start over and hope that somehow i can make my life somehow better. Its that or trying to at least deal with it all so i can at least live my life and not always be miserable and struggling because of it.

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UGH I pushed the back button on acident and I lost my big post, so here it is in short.

 

Meds bad. Depression meds will push you to the brink and you will not be able to cope as you cannot cope now as it is. Do not kill yourself, depression meds are the fast track to that "solution".

 

For your severe anxiety you will be prescribed Xanax, which is fine in moderation and will more than likely give your life back and help you to be functional...

However, if your doctor doses you too high the first time...

You will feel so euphoric that you will become instantly addicted to feeling so damn good. It will be such a dramatic difference that you will only find yourself taking increasing doses and your damn doctor will be so happy that he gets to "push" more meds on you.

 

Doctor want money and nothing else, steer clear. Your health is not what they care about.

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I have to strongly disagree with this post. Medication has helped countless people with their depression, anxiety, etc. and I think it's irresponsible to advise someone who is clearly suffering from depression to steer clear of doctors.

 

mr.me I've followed your posts for a long time and I think it's great that you've taken the step of returning to therapy and finding a support group. You said that it's made you feel worse, but I think that's to be expected in the beginning because you're going to be opening up about some deep issues that you've kept bottled up for a very long time. Please stick with it, it will get better and the support is something that will become very valuable to you. You can get through this.

 

Discuss everything that you're feeling with your doctor and if he prescribes medication please follow his advice and be sure to go to any followup visits that he suggests.

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Well i guess thanks to both responses. I was really against meds in the beginning because they really didnt do anything for me because i dont think i was able to deal with it. Im still struggling but im getting better so im not so afraid to try out taking the meds now. Its more of a personal choice so i understand what im putting myself into. I guess thats a good thing about me not being on them so soon that i am alot more aware on how to handle the situation. I do agree that maybe its just something bothering me. I dont mind as much but the feeling that i get when im like that is just terrible. I dont know if its helplessness but i really hate feeling like i cant do anything to make things better. I just was really not expecting it because at first i felt really good because i saw how i was benefitting from it. I still have moments when i go thru the exact same feeling but hopefully i can really say that one day i can either not have to deal with it or have to deal with it with less over time.

 

I guess to be honest im still struggling with this exact same issue when it comes to not knowing how to handle the break-up and things that go along with it. I never felt like i did when i was with her and probably never will again how it was my first love. I just try to be ok with it and hope that i can at least find something that works out. I dont want to be going thru this forever but im still not completely sure how to do that. I guess all i can do is deal with it and see how things turn out.

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Gotta' agree with Greensleeves. I am someone who wouldn't be alive without meds...literally.

 

For severe, chronic anxiety, most doctors will not prescribe Xanax. Xanax is meant to be taken periodically, not every day. For depression AND anxiety, most doctors will prescribe a mood stabilizer and possibly an anti-depressant. The mood stabilizers work more quickly, but the anti-depressants take 4-6 weeks to become completely effective. You also have to take into consideration that what works well for one person might not work as well for someone else, meds are not a "one size fits all" solution.

 

Maybe you had a bad experience with doctors, but that doesn't mean that all are bad and just in it for the money. I happen to have a very understanding and knowledgeable psychiatrist who specializes in psychopharmacology. I have bipolar disorder so I don't really have a choice of whether or not to be on meds. And, I can say from experience that it's not a "quick fix," I've been on a number of different meds in the year since my dx...it's just a matter of finding what works for each person and having the patience to give the meds time to work. Can it be frustrating at times? Hell yeah, but to tell someone NOT to go on meds when they've tried other avenues and feel it's their last resort is, in my opinion, irresponsible.

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