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Freaking out...


ConfusedKitty

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I just really need to get this out. So bear with me.

 

I was working at a job. I didn't like it. It had major perks, but I didn't see how major those perks were. I quit that job back in October and went to a new job.

 

This. Job. Sucks. I mean it in every sense of the word. I am terrible at it, because it's up to "your" discression on how to do it, and if "your" discression is different than that of the 5 bosses that are around here, well guess who is getting fussed at. I can't do this. I can't take it either. My boss LOOKS for reasons to fuss at me, and to get me fired. He doesn't like me, and the nitpicking has to stop.

 

My bf and I can't afford for me to go unemployed, as he works in the same crappy place as I do and we are both not doing too well, but at this point I'm either going to get fired or quit. I don't know which one to have happen. I am attempting to do everything I can and it's just not good enough. I don't want to be in this industry anymore anyway. I'm tired of it. Way past tired of it.

 

Something else needs to happen, and fast. My brain is basically doing this thing:

 

"OMG YOU'RE ALMOST 30!!! **FREAK OUTTT** OMG YOU ARE SO NOT WHO YOU WANT TO BE!! **FREEEAKK OUTTT** YOU WANT A HOUSE!! YOUR CREDIT SUCKS! YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! YOU'RE BROKE!!!! what is the MATTER with you??!!"

 

Over and over and over in my head... every minute of every day. I'm freaking myself out. I need to get out of this state, I can't take it anymore. I hate my apartment, I hate this state, I hate this freakin job...the desire to go back to my home state is overwhelming I miss my family terribly (and it doesn't help that my mom is begging for us to come back)....

 

I ...don't know what to do. It's pissing me off because this economy sucks and it's making me mad that I'm so unhappy...but I'm actually employed (for now) and there are SO many out there that aren't, and have lost so much.

 

I am looking for a miracle right now, just something to point me in the right direction and I don't know where to look anymore. So, I guess I just needed to get this out to someone who will listen. I tried to get this out to the bf but it just makes him feel inadequate since he wants desperately to take care of me (you know, that whole I'm the man and should always make you happy thing....even though it's not his fault I feel this way).

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Maybe you should try to look for a different job. I know, it's really hard. But there is nothing wrong with trying. You could make quick cash by selling your blood or your blood plasma, or your eggs (assuming you're healthy). I'm so sorry you have such crappy jobs. I once had a boss like that.

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i think your work environment is no longer healthy for you, and if you feel that you're going to be fired, by all means, quit the job before you get fired. not only will it appear more clever in your CV and might be of your advantage on your next application, it also spares you from hurting your ego and bearing grudges against your employer.

 

times are really tough right now and people have no choice but to stay in their jobs or to grab any opportuntity that comes along just to get through with the crisis. i suggest just be emotionally and financially prepared if you ever quit your job because it's hard to find satisfactory empoyment nowadays. going back to your hometown can be a good option, i think you need to take a break and find comfort in your family and who knows, there might be some opportunities there too.

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Thanks you guys, I just really needed to vent. Sometimes it just feels good to get it all out.. As I get older, the feeling of wanting to be closer to my brother and my mom (who is all alone, my dad passed away years go) just becomes more and more pressing on my mind.

 

When I was a wee lass I couldn't wait to get out of the state and away from them. Now that I'm out, I miss them so much if I think about it too much I'll start to cry. I think that's a good indication that it's time to go back home.

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