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Should I send this girl an anonymous Valentine?


asymptote

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I recently graduated from high school and in a few weeks I'll be starting university. During this long, hot, seemingly endless Australian summer, I've found myself falling in love with a girl. I've known her for only a few months and for most of that time she was in a relationship with a friend of mine. That relationship ended in early January when she found out that this friend was cheating on her.

 

I liked her from the moment we met and we became friends, but the fact she was "taken" quite possibly curtailed any romantic feelings I may otherwise have had for her. This was to change two weeks ago, when one of her status updates caught my eye and I started browsing her Facebook page.

 

I was very quickly smitten. I already knew her as smart, beautiful and friendly, but her Facebook page revealed a depth and complexity to her that I had never known; her curiosity, her intellect, her dreaminess, her compassionate nature, her humor, her tastes and interests, her values and principles. I get crushes every now and then, but not like this. I haven't been able to get her out of my mind. I think it's love.

 

But as one might say, love was never meant to be easy. She's moving interstate for university. A nine hour drive away. And she's moving next week. I won't get to see her before she leaves, and it's even possible I'll never get to see her again at all. For these reasons, and these reasons alone, I've already resigned myself to the fact that this love will never take flight. It's a love that's not meant to be.

 

And yet, I find myself oddly compelled to send her an anonymous Valentine message next week. It's a strange compulsion since I've never sent such a note before. I've even been known to be somewhat cynical about Valentine's Day.

 

One of my reasons for such a message, I think, is because it's evident to me from her Facebook that her self-esteem has taken a bit of a hit from the despicable actions of my cheating friend. Perhaps I see this message as a short and sweet rumination on love, and a gentle and unconditional reassurance to her that she's liked, appreciated, respected, desired, loved, and that she will find love someday. Beyond this though, I don't intend to give any clues as to my identity and use it as a means to try and win her heart. For my own selfish reasons, I think I believe that by writing such a letter I'll be able to move on myself.

 

But I also find myself having second thoughts about sending it. Could my Valentine message do more harm than good? Is it too soon after her breakup to be sending her such a letter, with her emotions still evidently raw? Should I leave her be during a time which will be rather emotional, chaotic and stressful for her as it is, with her interstate move? Should I permit her the freedom of not knowing someone still has romantic feelings for her back in her hometown? Is there something creepy about an anonymous Valentine with no clues as to who the sender is?

 

I would not rather ask any of my friends for advice, since such things have a way of turning into gossip, which is why I turn to you, my fellow eNotAloners! To write or not to write? Any thoughts and advice would be very much appreciated.

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Beyond this though, I don't intend to give any clues as to my identity and use it as a means to try and win her heart.

 

We might want to read the post a little more before we begin to lay into the OP.

 

 

Anyways,

 

An anonymous valentine might be cute in elementary/junior high school, but in college, it will be viewed as creepy. And plus, if this girl doesn't know who sent it, what benefit are you going to get out of doing this? Even if it is just a means for you to move on and a nice friendly gesture to someone, she may not see it that way.

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i did an anonymous one in 5th grade. i never told her. a more popular guy that i grew up with knew i gave it to her but i wouldn't speak up. he told her it was from him. i was devastated. but if i'd of said anything, i'd of been the laughing stock of the school because she was in the 'in' crowd.

 

she moved away a few grades later. i wonder where she went. not until i was more mature did i realize i wanted to tell her and lost that chance.

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An anonymous valentine might be cute in elementary/junior high school, but in college, it will be viewed as creepy. And plus, if this girl doesn't know who sent it, what benefit are you going to get out of doing this? Even if it is just a means for you to move on and a nice friendly gesture to someone, she may not see it that way.

 

If I were to send her an anonymous Valentine, it would be meant purely as a friendly gesture rather than an attempt to win her affections or "gain" something. It would also be meant as a response to some of her public thoughts on Facebook; for instance, yesterday she wondering aloud in a status update whether she would ever make the right choices when it comes to love.

 

The eNotAlone jury has pretty much unanimously decided that anonymous Valentines are creepy, which I can definitely appreciate! So I've pretty much decided to scrap the anonymous Valentine idea already, and I'm now thinking about sending her a non-VD, non-romantic, non-anonymous email instead. Hmmm, decisions, decisions.

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If I were to send her an anonymous Valentine, it would be meant purely as a friendly gesture rather than an attempt to win her affections or "gain" something. It would also be meant as a response to some of her public thoughts on Facebook; for instance, yesterday she wondering aloud in a status update whether she would ever make the right choices when it comes to love.

 

The eNotAlone jury has pretty much unanimously decided that anonymous Valentines are creepy, which I can definitely appreciate! So I've pretty much decided to scrap the anonymous Valentine idea already, and I'm now thinking about sending her a non-VD, non-romantic, non-anonymous email instead. Hmmm, decisions, decisions. Oh, I understand. Thats why I told some of the posters not to attack you for sending it right away. Where I'm coming from though, is since its anonymous, she has no idea who sent it or what their intentions were. If she somehow found out it was you, for all she know, you could be trying to pursue her. Just saying to err on the side of caution.

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Totally!!! Stand up and announce your intentions and let the chips fall where they may. Faint heart never won no maiden doncha know?

 

^ how about non- VD but mildly romantic gesture type email (spend 3 days composing it)

 

Mildly romantic, perhaps. I think one part of me is resigned to the fact she's moving interstate -- for the next five years, at least -- and that there's very little chance of something developing between us as a result. Part of me thinks that showing any romantic intentions towards her now would be unnecessarily difficult for her, and ultimately pointless. Shouldn't she be given the freedom to find love on her own in her new city without any emotional baggage from her hometown?

 

Hence the whole idea about the anonymous Valentine. If she wasn't moving, I would not have any hesitation in letting her know my feelings non-anonymously.

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Anonymous is out, friendly and supportive is in!

 

Oh, I understand. Thats why I told some of the posters not to attack you for sending it right away. Where I'm coming from though, is since its anonymous, she has no idea who sent it or what their intentions were. If she somehow found out it was you, for all she know, you could be trying to pursue her. Just saying to err on the side of caution.

 

Agreed; I've come around to your line of thinking and the anonymous idea has pretty much been ruled out. I think I can probably find a way to say most of the things I want to say to her in a far less creepy, non-anonymous fashion.

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Wait. Are you guys actually in a relationship, or did you fall in love with some fantasy? If the latter, don't waste your money. Relationships are supposed to be 50-50. If she doesn't feel the same way about you as you do about her, then you need to check yourself. If you think you are in love and you're not even in a proper relationship with the other person then I honestly think you've got problems. Codependency and neediness are two things that immediately come to mind. I'm not saying this to be mean, but you really have to think about what you're saying here. You feel so strongly about a woman who likely doesn't have any sense of weight or importance on having a relationship with you. If you jump the gun like that you're almost always going to get hurt. Life is not a romantic comedy where the nice guy gets the girl.

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I'm sorry I mentioned the term "love" in my original post. I was only using it in the most casual sense; I readily appreciate that this is not love, and I corrected myself a few posts back. It's merely a 17 year-old unreciprocated crush, nothing more or nothing less. If there was love, I wouldn't even be contemplating writing an anonymous Valentine, would I?

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I would send it to her but NOT anonymously! Seriously, it's not like you have rejection to fear as you know you guys will probably not get together anyway. Send her a small/medium sized box of chocolates & a card saying you think she is a great person & wish you guys would be closer together when the school year starts, and wish her good luck at her new college.

 

It will make you feel better to get it off her chest & I think it would really lift her spirits after that blow with the cheating bf. Maybe it would initiate a good friendship between the two of you in the least.

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i did an anonymous one in 5th grade. i never told her. a more popular guy that i grew up with knew i gave it to her but i wouldn't speak up. he told her it was from him. i was devastated. but if i'd of said anything, i'd of been the laughing stock of the school because she was in the 'in' crowd.

 

she moved away a few grades later. i wonder where she went. not until i was more mature did i realize i wanted to tell her and lost that chance.

 

omg lol awwwwwwwwww

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