Jump to content

Recommended Posts

I posted a story that I needed help, but no one responded. I'm putting this up again, can someone please help me..

 

I have been involved with this guy for little over five months. I'm starting to fall in love with him (I know it's too soon) but I couldn't help how I feel. He has expressed on many occasions that he feels the same way too. Now the problem is that I want to continue having this relationship but geographically is hard for us because we both live thousands of miles away. I visited him twice since we've been together, saving all the money I can save to go and see him. Now that I'm falling for him, I'm really scare.

 

We talk on the phone every single night for hours and hours. He seems to enjoy my company as much as I enjoy his...but something is telling me that this long distant thing isn't going to work...I asked to break up with him many times(even though I have no intention of doing so) but I figure it would be best for the both of us. Each time I do this we refuses, he keeps telling me that we can make it work because he loves me a lot and he feels that he can be with me forever. I told him to date other people, we both should have an open relationship, but in my heart I don't want him too I want him to all myself... I know it's very selfish of me, but I can't help how I feel.

 

Last night I asked him if we has someone in mind, he was very honest with me and told me that he does but only if I'm okay with it or else he would not date anyone and go through this open relationship thing. I told him that I'm okay with that (even though deep down I'm not) and he said he'll ask the other girl out. That night I couldn't sleep, I kept thinking that he will fall in love with her since she's a lot closer and easier access, where I am too far away. So I called him in the middle of the night and asked him the same question again to break it off. He said no, if he has to stop seeing the other girl he will, but he doesn't want to lose me ever. Is he lying? Does he truly love me?

 

I mean he's young, he's only 18 years old he really doesn't know what he wants in life yet, let alone falling in love. He said that he loves me and he rather stop everything as long as I'm happy and won't leave him. But I still feel that he's too naiive to figure out what he wants and that he's not really in love with me, he's in love with the IDEA of BEING in LOVE. Can someone please help me, should I end this relationship and stop all phone calls? If I do that, will he be devasted or he'll move on with the girl that he wants to ask out? Have I prevented him from dating other people and allowing him to live his youthful life? I mean we're 7 years apart. I'm much older than he is.

 

I told him that I'm in his way, I'm stopping him from ever seeing the world and explore other options of love, but he said he doesn't care...he only wants to be with me and no matter how long it will take he'll wait for me to move there. (oh yeah I'm planning to live in that country in two years after I finish school). Has his lust and infauation cloud his judgement? Is he too young to realize what love is? Am I the demon that stopping him from falling in love with other people? After I told him how I really feel about him dating other girls, he said he's not going to ask her, only if I'm okay with that, does he really mean that? If not, then he's really lying to himself and me, then eventually he will cheat...then he's not really in love with me though, right? Please someone help me, I know it's way too long to read and probably confusing but I have no one to turn to. HELP!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You can't look into the future and see if you will still be together in two years but I can foresee that if you keep up this insecurity, anxiety and paranoia you will drive him away and and one day when you say that you think you should break up he will say ok because he can't take this constant reassurance to you - It would drive anybody insane to be honest.

 

He said he loved you and if you think its worth the effort then go for it. Now calm down and live for today. If it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, it doesn't and it wasn't meant to be, but you will know that gave it your best shot.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey, my advice would be to focus on yourself. You can not take an ownership of other person's feelings. The only thing you can do - be responsible for yourself and let other person live his life. Does this guy really love you or not is not something you are able to figure out. It is perfectly normal. May be he is now obsessed with the idea of love only and tomorrow will be in love with you truly. Who knows? You can not live your life considering what the other would do or not. You feel that you are in love, then do everything that you want: call him as many times as you want, tell him the truth, that the idea of him being involved with someone else bothers you, but if you are willing to accept it, then say that too. It is okay to feel hurt, we do take pain from our insecurities and fears when in love. It is a part of it. I would learn how to appreciate it. Focus on what you can give to this guy: understanding, warmth, acceptance, encouragement in everything he does for himself that makes him happy. Stop being afraid of things, love empowers us and not disables. Accept yourself, your situation as it is, or change it if you want to. Feel free to feel whatever you feel. Just do not try to figure out your life from whatever you think the life of this guy is or might be. Listen to your heart and act accordingly.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

If the distance is the main problem, I can tell you that people can live nextdoor to each other and not have a good and healthy relationship. However, do not tell him it's ok to see other people if it isn't. Communication is key. How can you expect him to be honest with you if you aren't? Good luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...