controlling parents

[crimson__angel]

i am 20 years old. I am in my second year of college. i work 30+ hours a week at my job. I live at home, and I feel that my dad is very over controlling of my life. My curfew is usually 10:30 at the latest because my dad "cannot sleep if i am not home". I think that is a load of bs. My boyfriend is not allowed over at the house, and i am not allowed over at his. We receive no privacy or quality time. I really feel trapped and helpless. I cannot move out yet becuase i am paying for my schooling myself. Even if i were to get an apartment with my boyfriend, my parents forbid it, and we still couldnt afford everything. My dad has anger problems. I feel like everything he gets mad or upset about is my fault. He doesnt yell at me, he yells at my mom about me, but i can always over hear them yelling and arguing. When he does confront me about things, it always ends up with him never letting me get a word in edge wise, and i always end up crying. Then he gets more angry becuase i am crying. I work alot to stay away from home and my father. I cannot talk to my parents about anything. They feel that thier views and opinions are the only right ones. I feel as if i am not free to express myself.

I do think that i am very responsible about things around the house, the only thing they pay for me right now is my insurance because i cannot afford it. I pay for my gas, repairs for my car, my clothes, my food, my hiegene products. My dad says that i disrespect the house and him by not doing things how he does them. He has invaded my privacy numerous times by having one of his computer buddies hack my PRIVATE websites. I vent in private journals and blogs. He says he is just making sure an internet predator wont get ahold of me. I never put personal information on my profiles. I feel like i cannot trust either of my partents anymore. I was always a good kid growing up, i never got drunk, got pregnant, or did drugs. I do good in school. But now, I just feel like a prisoner.

 

any thoughts or ideas would be well appreciated.

[DJBaby]

Yes- he is far too controlling of his 20 year old daughter. Have you tried talking with him about it? Is there something in your culture that says he has control until you move out or something? Seems to me you're pretty responsible and he is being unfair, unless there's something you didn't say...

[crimson__angel]

Yes- he is far too controlling of his 20 year old daughter. Have you tried talking with him about it? Is there something in your culture that says he has control until you move out or something? Seems to me you're pretty responsible and he is being unfair, unless there's something you didn't say...

i've pretty much told it like it is. The first time my boyfriend came over to the house, my dad kept checking up on us. all we were doing was watching transformers and sitting on the couch together. it made me feel like a criminal. talking never helps becuase he thinks he's always right and it ends up with him yelling at me. so when he had his friend hack my myspace, he found a private journal on there about him saying some not so nice things, but it hurt that he found it because i marked it private so that only my friends could see it. I was forced to delete my myspace and other sites that i contacted my friends with. I lost many friends over this.

 

i cant talk to him about anything. he cannot see things my way.

[Ac143]

My father was this way until I moved out, very controlling. I had to play under his rules & that was pretty much it...there was no other way. I sometimes felt like I couldnt even move out because he would "disown" me.

 

Well - I finally moved out when I was 25? He was still sorta controlling & still till this day trys to say things that he wants me to do etc. I believe he has a very hard time of letting his little girl go....but he has eased up quick a bit since I moved out & he didn't disown me.

 

I believe as long as you are living under your parents roof, its their rules. As much as it doesn't appeal to you. You will need to get out on your own to experience your own freedom. There are parents out there that just wont/dont listen no matter how wrong they might be.

[shikashika]

I'm curious, do you think that has anything to do with your culture (whatever that may be)

 

I stayed at home for the first couple year of university. Luckily i didn't have any curfews, but I couldn't have a boyfriend sleep over, but that was about it.

 

I totally understand though, it does sound awful and annoying.

 

What about spending more time at school, library, or your boyfriend's place?

[crimson__angel]

I'm curious, do you think that has anything to do with your culture (whatever that may be)

 

I stayed at home for the first couple year of university. Luckily i didn't have any curfews, but I couldn't have a boyfriend sleep over, but that was about it.

 

I totally understand though, it does sound awful and annoying.

 

What about spending more time at school, library, or your boyfriend's place?

 

 

I live in america...if that tells you anything about my culture. But my parents are very strict. I am not allowed to go over to his house. His parents are divorced. I do go (in secret) with him to his dad's house alot. His dad repsects us and trusts us and understands that sometimes we just need to sit down and watch tv together. but even then, we dont have anywhere else to go, i have no where else to go

[isthisused]

Ok a few things, first off its sounds like your dad raised you to be responsible hardworking individual who is furthering her education. How bout some kudos for dad for that? Ask yourself this how many minutes a day of aggravation does this cause you Call it “M”. And how much would it cost you to get your own place, call it “P” divide M into P and see how much per minute you are saving with your aggravation with pop.

EXAMPLE: Dads a pian for 30 mins a day x 30 days =900 minutes of aggravation M=900. Depending on where you live rent utilities and insurance, minimum $900 P=$900 P/M and you get $1 per minute that’s $60 per hour for putting up with the old fart. For $60 per hour Ill kiss my dad on the lips! Now please forgive my if my logic is flawed or my math is sketchy ,You see my father raised me to believe I could never amount to anything, so collage wasn’t considered and he kicked me out at 18. it wasn’t without warning he started telling me I was out at 18 when I was 12. lastly remember this most people can tolerate most things if only they know it will eventually end. You will be on your own soon enough and you will eventually come to appreciate all your father has done for you and about the time you do. He will be gone.