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Reliability of Facebook Intel


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Dear ENA members,

How reliable would you say the "Interested in" section on facebook is, if it reads "Women". I mean, when I joined facebook, I was in the closet, and for a year, my profile displayed "Interested in: Women". Does it mean there's loads of gay guys out there, that list themselves as straight on facebook, and thus should I disregard that piece of information, or at least assign it a lower weight? I know for example, if they have a girlfriend, and if I can find out they've been together a long time and meet often, then that's pretty much it. But I'm a bit confused about the single ones.

 

Any thoughts? Thanks for reading

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well find the ones that say they are gay. although meeting someone of facebook isn't the greatest plan..

 

and how are you? long time no speak [=

 

Butterfly

 

Hey butterfly! Sorry I haven't written to you for so long...How are you doing?

 

In fact, the ones that identify as gay on facebook tend to be the same ones that spend most nights in clubs/bars, and their idea of fun involves loud music and alcohol. The ones that are not party-every-night-kind tend to be missing as far as I can see...

Whereas there's quite a few that are listed as straight that happen to have the kind of lifestyle I lead - more into reading, learning, tinkering, hacking(in the original sense of the word), etc.

 

No, I don't intend to use facebook as a dating tool: after I've met a guy in real life, I add them on facebook, because it is an way way of asking them their name without sounding suspicious (after you've met them 2-5mins), and also finding out how they spend their time (looking at the pics), if its clubbing/thoroughly drunk on consecutive nights (by checking the timestamp), I know straight away they're not the kind of people I want to go after.

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Hey, am not doing too badly I suppose. Will PM you and chat about that, so as not to loose the topic.

 

ah that does suck. The only way you will really find out if someone is gay, is to be open about your sexuality, and make friends with these guys, when you are open about it, they might open up to you. Best way really, is to form friendships. As being gay/bisexual/lesbien is still frowned on by many people so people are scared about opening up.

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I guess at your age and in England, which to my mind is this liberal paradise for gay people, you should look more for people who at least don't pretend to be straight. Even when I was really closeted, I simply didn't answer the "interested in" question. Most of the gay people I know who aren't way "out there" just tend to leave that question blank rather than lie and pretend to be straight.

 

The few gay people I know who answer that question with "women" tend to be majorly confused in terms of identity and are not really the dateable type anyways. I'd be more on the lookout for guys that just leave the question blank.

 

NOTE: In a few rare cases, guys that answer it interested in "men" sometimes aren't gay. These tend to be ultra-conservative fratboy types who think being gay is hilarious, and know so few gay people that they don't think that anybody in real life would possibly identify as gay. These types tend to be pretty easy to detect (when in doubt, the photo section usually clears things up.)

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I would say what people put on facebook isnt very reliable. There is this huge stink about employers using facebook to screen potential workers. Not sure how true it is but the perception is out there. I have a simple rule for myself, I dont add anyone to my facebook whom I dont know in real life. I find that works pretty good for me. I find facebook the best for keeping in touch with friends who have moved away, or family who live a ways away. I dont think its the best for looking for potential mates.

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lol.. I didn't know a lot of gay people not really "out" just leave that question blank because I sure did.. Oh well dead give away now I guess

 

To answer your question though I'm sure there are a couple who do it but the leaving blank thing is more of the common thing to do. Didn't realize so many people did that. haha

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Always nice to meet a connoisseur! Thanks for the advice. Yeah, it makes sense, I did have it as "women" when I was still trying to change, then when I gave up on changing I set it blank, and now it says "men"

 

I somehow don't think it's as good as you imagine here, I have so far found it hard to met someone, though it may have been because of my depression. Now I'm making it a point to chat with new people everyday, and thus give fate a little help

 

@Butterfly, lukeb and hektic, thanks for the insights!

 

pianoguy, I do have very limited interests outside science and engineering, we talked about this before. I was thinking, maybe I should hang around the library more, in the sci/tech dept, and thus meet more people, what do you think? I mean, it's statistical: the more people I meet, the more likely I am to meet a gay, and if I met them in something related to sci/tech, they're likey to share my interests...any thoughts?

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lol.. I didn't know a lot of gay people not really "out" just leave that question blank because I sure did.. Oh well dead give away now I guess

 

I would agree with this. Usually if they don't post who they are interested in I find out from people I know who did this they are either 'in the closet' or questioning.

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I somehow don't think it's as good as you imagine here,

 

Oh, I was just joking... I don't really know much about England so I try to project happy thoughts onto it. America seems really conservative, especially when it comes to things like religion, although Boston is probably one of the most liberal cities here.

 

pianoguy, I do have very limited interests outside science and engineering, we talked about this before. I was thinking, maybe I should hang around the library more, in the sci/tech dept, and thus meet more people, what do you think? I mean, it's statistical: the more people I meet, the more likely I am to meet a gay, and if I met them in something related to sci/tech, they're likey to share my interests...any thoughts?

 

Well, I'm not sure I'm the best person to ask due to my lousy track record, but here goes-

 

I'm not sure the library is a good place to meet people, unless it seems pretty social. Most university libraries are pretty antisocial, although the music library at my undergrad was quite rowdy and fun, but I think that's unusual. Certainly I think it's a good idea to make friends with other people in your major, even if you don't meet gay guys you'll make people that you have a lot in common with. And they'll be useful for professional advice, homework assignments, etc.

 

With that said, I think science/engineering tend to have a lower percentage of gay guys than other fields (although my last landlord was a gay engineer). This is just a gut feeling not backed by any data.

 

I think that you might look into any clubs at your school that look interesting, attend a meeting, and see what it's like and if there are any cute guys there. Not just engineering clubs, but any clubs that are about stuff that you MIGHT be interested in as well. One of the great things about college is that there's a lot of opportunities to develop new hobbies and new interests, as well as nurturing old ones.

 

I'm sure that your school probably has a website with a list of clubs, or a message board, or something. Pick out a couple that look like they might be fun and go to a meeting and see what it's like.

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Oh, I was just joking... I don't really know much about England so I try to project happy thoughts onto it. America seems really conservative, especially when it comes to things like religion, although Boston is probably one of the most liberal cities here.

Yes, it's true that people here are a lot more accepting than in the US from what I read in the media (I've never been to the US). In fact, I've been lucky that so far I've never met an openly homophobic person, trying to verbally or physically hurt me or raving against gays in this country. But as everywhere, they exist, and there have been a couple of hate murders towards gays in the last few years.

 

And thanks for the rest of the advice

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  • 3 months later...

I've never though about gays putting "women" on their profile, I left mine blank. I think its different regionally, but I'm sure there are guys who don't like girls but say they do. Assume however, that if they don't want to say so, that they are not available for guys.

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I used to have mine blank but now I have "women" because people were starting to ask questions. Plus my parents have me on facebook and they use it to keep tabs on me. I would like to change it back to blank but people would notice and that would be a dead giveaway.

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I used to have mine blank but now I have "women" because people were starting to ask questions. Plus my parents have me on facebook and they use it to keep tabs on me. I would like to change it back to blank but people would notice and that would be a dead giveaway.

 

My parents don't have facebook, but a family friend does, and I added him. He saw my religious subscription as "atheist" and interested in as "gay", and told my parents. They already knew I am gay, but they are the kind that thinks I should hide and repress myself. So they insisted I remove the two items. I wrote " won't bow to the thought police. go fcuk yourself ministry of truth." and a few days later deleted the offending item. (the mole).

 

I believe strongly in separation of Family and Friends.

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Mine is blank. i know quite a few people who leave there's blank too. is it safe to assume that they could be gay, bi or questioning? why else would they leave it blank?

 

nah, it seems unreliable...even "gay" isn't sure to be gay, lots of straight guys get facebook-raped by their friends, apparently it's funny to pass your straight friend off as gay and let gay guys sow interest in him.

 

The only thing that works for me so far is to:

1. check if they're in a relationship

2. are snogging girls in every other picture on facebook

3. are single

 

if they are single, ask "do you have a girlfriend", and if no, "oh, really, do you have a boyfriend then a straight guy will feel the need to specify he is not gay, and a bi/gay guy would say just no...

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