lourdes Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Well this is my first thread being posted. I'm in a relationship with the father of my child. We've been involved for 16 mos. and we have a 6 mos. old daughter. Basically we moved fast from the start and after the third month we fell apart. I fell in love with him almost instantly. He romanced me, we took long walks in the park, we went on dates, and I mean we could just talk for hours. Then as soon as I met the parents we were never the same. Now it's nothing but chaos and arguing. I found womens' numbers and I am lost and confused. Til' this day he buys me gifts and we go on dates from time to time but it's not the same. I am expecting and he bought me a $7,000 ring. He stayed out one night and didn't bother to call or answer the phone. HOPELESS AND LOST!!!!!
top bloke Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 You owe it to yourself and your child to ask him the questions that you asked us but in a relaxed and mature manner. He has to know what you are feeling. Sounds like his parents have been trying to sabotage your relationship. Really what is up with him? Girls numbers and staying out all night..you have to ask the questions. You need to know where you stand...
lourdes Posted February 6, 2009 Author Posted February 6, 2009 Thanks for the response. I've asked question and received the same responses. I've been back and forth out of the door. As i mentioned i'm expecting another one child. This is what he wanted, was to start a life with me but it seems like there's something distracting him. There's been a lot of fighting and arguing in the past. Now it's just arguing. He physically and verbally have told me that he finds reasons to get away. What i don't get is that in spite of everything he apologizes and begs me to stay. I mentioned the 7,000 ring, which he also took back since i called the engagement off. I'm lost and confused. He has a surprise for me on valentine's day and i'm not sure what it is but he keeps telling me he wants to start a life together then neglects me and ignores me. I deserve better but the suspense of his motives is killing me. Why gifts if this isn't what he wants and what is also killing me is that his family is gloating at the fact that we're falling apart. Maybe that's what keeps me besides the children, feeling like i can't let them win. Searching for a solution.
top bloke Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 Sounds like he is fighting with himself? I think his folks sound very nasty.. i tink they have quite a bit of control over him..What I am struggling to comprehend is how he isnt considering the fact that his woman is carrying his baby and acts in that fashion?
lourdes Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 Well, you know, it's been rough...but as the saying goes "every dog has its day"...i guess i should grow up and learn to except the fact that he doesn't really love me if he continues to behave this way.
Grace Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Loving someone and treating someone well are two very different things. Treating someone poorly doesn't mean you don't love them, there can be quite a wide range of reasons, but it is unacceptable. Its the hardest thing to do in the world, but if someone you love isn't treating you to the standard that you know you deserve then boundaries must be drawn to protect your own emotional well being. You can't hate yourself for being torn during the process of figuring out what to do and you can't assume he doesn't love you, but if things dont improve after you express your concerns then changes must be made for everyones sake.
top bloke Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Loving someone and treating someone well are two very different things. Treating someone poorly doesn't mean you don't love them, there can be quite a wide range of reasons, but it is unacceptable. Its the hardest thing to do in the world, but if someone you love isn't treating you to the standard that you know you deserve then boundaries must be drawn to protect your own emotional well being. You can't hate yourself for being torn during the process of figuring out what to do and you can't assume he doesn't love you, but if things dont improve after you express your concerns then changes must be made for everyones sake. I disagree. If someone loves you they will always do their best to treat you well. If someone treats you bad then it is definitely not love...Love is caring..love is taking care of you...love is patience..love is seeing it though.. If someone treats you poorly then they cannot have feelings of love for you ..sorry.
lourdes Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 I agree. The hardest part is letting go after you starting setting goals around the relationship. Not that i'm living my life for him it's just i set goals and work hard to obtain them. Now i have to priorities and start over. I've tried relationship counseling with my first pregnancy and he wasn't really focused, which should have been the first sign to start opening my mind to the reality....he doesn't love me as much as i thought. But i remain strong and focus on what's important-me and my daughter. I'm not his parent and i can't hold his hand through the relationship. If he's not man enough to approach with the truth instead of lying and making excuses for his actions then he obviously doesn't love me and have a lot of growing up to.
lourdes Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 Well there's different meanings and ways to love someone if that's what you mean but in the end it's all the same thing because you can't tell me you love me as a friend and decieve me so it's all the same. If your hurting someone intentionally that's not love. I can try to communicate with you as much as possible but you shut me out with lies and confusion and then tell me love you me, that you want to spend the rest of your life with me but i'm not a fool. One plus one equals to and if your actions don't equate with your words then you obviously you don't love. I'm 25 and i still can't figure men out. Im know often times it may take a lifetime but the process is painful and i think that's something a person should never have to experience. It can scar you for life especially when you have kids together and you always have that memory of how bad he hurt you.
top bloke Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 I agree. The hardest part is letting go after you starting setting goals around the relationship. Not that i'm living my life for him it's just i set goals and work hard to obtain them. Now i have to priorities and start over. I've tried relationship counseling with my first pregnancy and he wasn't really focused, which should have been the first sign to start opening my mind to the reality....he doesn't love me as much as i thought. But i remain strong and focus on what's important-me and my daughter. I'm not his parent and i can't hold his hand through the relationship. If he's not man enough to approach with the truth instead of lying and making excuses for his actions then he obviously doesn't love me and have a lot of growing up to. You are a very grounded and insightful person. I know you had very bad luck with him and I am sadened that you are going through this. However I can admire your determination and guts. You are right..all that matters is your health and your childs well being.. any other questions ..post away..
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