ForeverZero Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Yeah I know I've made a few threads about a similar subject but this isn't the same. Recently I've began thinking that I might not be in the best shape (mentally) for a relationship, meaning I have many problems. I just don't feel a girl would wanna be with someone like me who has all these issues going on with himself, and now I am starting to see why I never seem to attract anyone. Any advice on this? I'd appreciate any and all who have something to say!
Jetta Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Well people keep telling me I'm not ready to be dating, and need to focus on obtaining my education for now. So I'm right there with you. Too messed up obviously to be involved with another and haven't attracted another in quite some time. So basically I'm making goals, and working towards them and that's keeping me busy for the most part, so I'm not too worried about getting involved with another, although I have my moments when I wish, wonder, and long for another. Like when I found the perfect wedding dress, okay almost perfect probably a size too small so I'd have to lose some weight, which is one of my goals along with education. So that's my advice, set goals, work towards them, and that'll keep you busy until you meet that next special someone. Good luck.
ForeverZero Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 although I have my moments when I wish, wonder, and long for another. So that's my advice, set goals, work towards them, and that'll keep you busy until you meet that next special someone. Good luck. I have those moments too, and yeah I try to fill my life with goals (college, bettering myself, etc) but it just really gets to me sometimes. Well, thanks for the advice!
scorpio47 Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 What kind of problems & issues are you dealing with? What may be a major issue for you may not necessarily be one for others. The fact that you believe that no one would want to be with you because you've got all these issues is the reason why you're not attracting anyone...it's not the issues themselves. Give us more info to work with and we'll help however we can...
CrazyKing Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Yeah I know I've made a few threads about a similar subject but this isn't the same. Recently I've began thinking that I might not be in the best shape (mentally) for a relationship, meaning I have many problems. I just don't feel a girl would wanna be with someone like me who has all these issues going on with himself, and now I am starting to see why I never seem to attract anyone. Any advice on this? I'd appreciate any and all who have something to say! I've got the same situation... My mental state is a little chaotic, I don't know where I'm trying to move to...
ForeverZero Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 What kind of problems & issues are you dealing with? What may be a major issue for you may not necessarily be one for others. The fact that you believe that no one would want to be with you because you've got all these issues is the reason why you're not attracting anyone...it's not the issues themselves. Give us more info to work with and we'll help however we can... I would be glad to list a few of them ---I don't really have a good self-image ---I have major stress/anxiety issues (I worry a lot) ---I'm really shy around people I don't know...and I just can't seem to talk to them too well ---I only have a few friends (all girls) Those are all I can think of right now, hope this helps
ForeverZero Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 I've got the same situation... My mental state is a little chaotic, I don't know where I'm trying to move to... Well I hope both of us can get through this, best of luck to you
CrazyKing Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Well I hope both of us can get through this, best of luck to you Thanks, you too!!! BTW - I think it's all about accepting ones self as a part of everything, most of the fears I have come from not knowing how the others could benefit from who I am and what I do... If talking about relationships - I don't know what I currently could give to my potential partner, my aims are still a little selfish, because the only thing I'd like to take from the other person is the feeling that I finally don't have to worry anymore of being single, but to me that sounds too empty, I want to be able to give something enormous and want her to give me something enormous... This leads to - I don't know where love comes from, how is such a big thing being "switched on"...
ForeverZero Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 Thanks, you too!!! BTW - I think it's all about accepting ones self as a part of everything, most of the fears I have come from not knowing how the others could benefit from who I am and what I do... If talking about relationships - I don't know what I currently could give to my potential partner, my aims are still a little selfish, because the only thing I'd like to take from the other person is the feeling that I finally don't have to worry anymore of being single, but to me that sounds too empty, I want to be able to give something enormous and want her to give me something enormous... This leads to - I don't know where love comes from, how is such a big thing being "switched on"... Yeah, I agree with your view on the "giving something enormous" to
ghost69 Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 from what you have said, i do not think you are ready to date. you need to work on those things.
ForeverZero Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 from what you have said, i do not think you are ready to date. you need to work on those things. I have to say that sounds about right, I just really don't know where or even HOW to start doing so.
ghost69 Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 I have to say that sounds about right, I just really don't know where or even HOW to start doing so. just have to find a way. the best is that you know what you need to work on.
ForeverZero Posted February 5, 2009 Author Posted February 5, 2009 just have to find a way. the best is that you know what you need to work on. Yeah I guess it is a start, and I know a lot of people who want to find someone JUST to be with someone, that doesn't seem like the best way to see things, anyway thanks for your advice
ghost69 Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 Yeah I guess it is a start, and I know a lot of people who want to find someone JUST to be with someone, that doesn't seem like the best way to see things, anyway thanks for your advice those people end up making it worse for themselves.
scorpio47 Posted February 5, 2009 Posted February 5, 2009 I would be glad to list a few of them ---I don't really have a good self-image ---I have major stress/anxiety issues (I worry a lot) ---I'm really shy around people I don't know...and I just can't seem to talk to them too well ---I only have a few friends (all girls) Those are all I can think of right now, hope this helps Yes, those are all things you will need to take care of first. You're not yet ready. Confidence is among the top traits that women look for in a man. It is a good sign that you have a lot of girls for friends though...it'll give you a good place to start when you are ready...even if you don't date your friends...they have other friends they could introduce you to! Not as hopeless as you think it is...
ForeverZero Posted February 6, 2009 Author Posted February 6, 2009 Yes, those are all things you will need to take care of first. You're not yet ready. Confidence is among the top traits that women look for in a man. It is a good sign that you have a lot of girls for friends though...it'll give you a good place to start when you are ready...even if you don't date your friends...they have other friends they could introduce you to! Not as hopeless as you think it is... So how do I go about making these changes? Books? Trial and Error?
Mariahee Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 yea, you are definitely not ready. I know this isn't the coolest original advice ever, but you should go find yourself and get help from a psych to get over your issues before you date again. From a womans point of view, i would definitely not want to get involved with a guy like that, as it seems like an unhealthy relationship to me.
penelope13 Posted February 6, 2009 Posted February 6, 2009 I applaud you, because most people don't want to admit that they are actually not in the best shape to date anyone. So for you to openly admit it, is a HUGE step into the right direction! As for getting out of this state: take it one day and one problem at a time.
ForeverZero Posted February 6, 2009 Author Posted February 6, 2009 yea, you are definitely not ready. I know this isn't the coolest original advice ever, but you should go find yourself and get help from a psych to get over your issues before you date again. From a womans point of view, i would definitely not want to get involved with a guy like that, as it seems like an unhealthy relationship to me. I know I need a therapist, but I don't have the money to see one
ForeverZero Posted February 6, 2009 Author Posted February 6, 2009 I applaud you, because most people don't want to admit that they are actually not in the best shape to date anyone. So for you to openly admit it, is a HUGE step into the right direction! As for getting out of this state: take it one day and one problem at a time. Thank you for your kind advice, I'll just take them on like you've said
scorpio47 Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 So how do I go about making these changes? Books? Trial and Error? Books are good for specific mental techniques, and they DO help, but getting involved with something, like a sport or a hobby or something similar, and getting really good at it will do wonders for your self confidence in general. Therapy really shouldn't be all THAT costly if you have good insurance.
lost1607307474 Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Everybody has problems - well, many people have problems. And many people begin relationships with these problems still in view. My opinion is that if the girl is really into you, she will understand whatever problems you may have, and maybe even help you to get through them. However, if you think your emotional problems or issues have the capacity to hurt people that you come close to - then maybe you aren't yet ready for a relationship. It all depends on what you problems are and how well you deal with them on a daily basis, and how you deal with them in regards to relationships with others.
abitbroken Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 I think the self esteem issue is something legitimate to work on before starting a new relationship. The more whole you are and more comfortable with yourself you are, the higher quality of person you are going to draw to you. You will be able to have a lot to offer someone else who is also comfortable with themselves, and thereforee positive about life or interested in doing things. Shyness is not a problem in of itself. I think with more confidence, some of it will take care of itself, but there are a LOT of people who are better in small groups rather than in crowds, or are shy at first but warm up quickly one on one. And not all people who are quiet are completely shy - they just may be thinking through what they saw a bit more. Also, there are some gals that like the strong and silent type or shy guys. It's not "bad".
ForeverZero Posted February 7, 2009 Author Posted February 7, 2009 Books are good for specific mental techniques, and they DO help, but getting involved with something, like a sport or a hobby or something similar, and getting really good at it will do wonders for your self confidence in general. Therapy really shouldn't be all THAT costly if you have good insurance. My insurance doesn't cover therapy, but that's another story
ForeverZero Posted February 7, 2009 Author Posted February 7, 2009 Everybody has problems - well, many people have problems. And many people begin relationships with these problems still in view. My opinion is that if the girl is really into you, she will understand whatever problems you may have, and maybe even help you to get through them. However, if you think your emotional problems or issues have the capacity to hurt people that you come close to - then maybe you aren't yet ready for a relationship. It all depends on what you problems are and how well you deal with them on a daily basis, and how you deal with them in regards to relationships with others. Thanks for your input, I wouldn't say my problems could hurt anyone, I just need to work on them I guess
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