BestScreenName Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 Hey everyone I was wondering what do girls look for in a guy? When it comes to someone I like, Ill smile at her, always listen to her intently when shes talking to me, complement her, and do little things to show I care. Yet, Ive had no success with girls. Not to sound self centered here, but I've always been complented on my looks, just never by the girl Im interested in. I find that guys who treat girls badly, and act immature, or cocky, get more positive attention, so Im confused. What am I doing wrong? Link to comment
greywolf Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 You're probably going after the wrong girls. Or, do you notice yourself doing every little thing just to please them? Link to comment
enixon Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 Women will always prefer a confident ass hole to a indecisive nice guy. Stop trying to be nice just to get with women. It won't get you any where. Link to comment
BestScreenName Posted February 5, 2009 Author Share Posted February 5, 2009 @greywolf: Not really, I'll do things because I want to. Like the last girl I liked I spent a good bit of time on this photoshop picture for her saying "Happy New Year (her name)!" and I sent it to her over Facebook. But one thing I forgot to mention is I am a little conservative sometimes. The most aggressive thing I'll do is tell her she looks really pretty today. That last girl I did ask to prom because she seemed interested in me, but I guess I just misred our friendship... @enixion: Really? I was worried that was true. I can be confident, but its just not my personality to be a cocky jerk to someone I care about. Even with teasing, I wait until I really get to know the person...oh well, thats disappointing to hear. Link to comment
manup7228 Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 its not about being a jerk, i think its more focused on not letting girls walk all over you. thats why the nice guy loses to the confident jerk everytime. you cant agree with everything they say. you cant do everything they want. you have to show that your a MAN. Link to comment
BestScreenName Posted February 5, 2009 Author Share Posted February 5, 2009 its not about being a jerk, i think its more focused on not letting girls walk all over you. thats why the nice guy loses to the confident jerk everytime. you cant agree with everything they say. you cant do everything they want. you have to show that your a MAN. I think I see what your saying, but I may have given you the wrong idea. I don't kiss up to the person I like. If I don't agree with her on something, I have no problem disagreeing. But aside from that, do you have any advice on building confidence? Thanks. Link to comment
Storm2166 Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 Well dude, it's not that women prefer assholes over nice guys. Here's the basic model as I understand it. Women need two things to date a guy. They need to feel attraction towards that guy and feel comfortable with that guy. Jerks are very good at building attraction. The woman reads the raw masculinity and sexuality from him, sees that he has a lot of confidence and percieves him as having a high value as kind of an "alpha male." If you notice, jerks tend to get a lot of attention from girls, but they rarely get anywhere with that, unless the girl is drunk, on drugs, on the rebound, really skanky or otherwise has very low inhibitions. This is because if a girl with regular inhibitions feels attraction, but no comfort she will think something along the lines of "Wow, he's really hot but I'm NOT a loose woman. He'll have to wait before he gets anywhere with me." And thus they will flirt harmlessly, but rarely take it further than that. Insecure "nice guys" are very good at building comfort. A girl will be able to trust him with her secrets and emotions. She will come to him when she needs help or just someone to talk to. She will be able to get close to him and share her innermost feelings. However, when a girl feels comfort with no attraction she will think something along the lines of "He's a great friend and I love him to death, but I wouldn't date him or sleep with him because that would be weird." What you must do is learn to build attraction AND comfort in order to become the kind of guy a woman would want to have a relationship with: A nice man. Some pick up artists try to basically fake this winning combination to get women to sleep with them, but if you really want a good relationship (which you will at some point or another), you must strive to actually become this kind of man deep inside. It can be done. I am currently in the process of transforming myself from the inside out into this kind of person. It won't happen overnight, but I am making progress and well on my way, and I'd like to let you and everybody else on this board know that this is possible for every guy on the face of the planet to achieve eventually (and we will make a lot of women happy this way, in her heart AND in her bedroom) Link to comment
Nutz Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 Hey everyone I was wondering what do girls look for in a guy? When it comes to someone I like, Ill smile at her, always listen to her intently when shes talking to me, complement her, and do little things to show I care. Yet, Ive had no success with girls. Not to sound self centered here, but I've always been complented on my looks, just never by the girl Im interested in. I find that guys who treat girls badly, and act immature, or cocky, get more positive attention, so Im confused. What am I doing wrong? Instead of asking what girls like, a better questions is "what do women respond to?" Plenty of women will tell you they want xyz, but when rubber meets the road the guy that has xyz may not be who they're actually attracted to. More often than not this is the case. The reason for this is because our "wants" are a function of our cognitive brains. Our emotions, and thereforee what women are attracted & respond to, relies on the mammalian part of our brain. In many cases what women respond to is in direct opposition to their wants. It's just the way it is. I suggest you read link removed by Louann Brizendine and link removed by Robert Greene. Both go into great detail about the science and practical applications of female attraction. Link to comment
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 Me personally, i like guys who stand up to me. Guys who will go against me and have their own opinion. Nothing worse then a guy that changes for me. I like guys who are tough. Who can stand through things, who don't fall apart easily, but are kind and caring towards me, and do feel and SHOW emotion, just not so they are more emotional then me. I like guys who make me laugh. Who tease me and playfight. I need someone stubborn and someone with a bit of pride. I need someone with a backbone. But that is me. Some girls want the exact opposite, others will want someone of this and some of that. Every girl is different, no tactic will work on every girl. I don't think you are doing the wrong things as such, but perhaps you need to be more confident in what you are doing. Link to comment
columbine Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 The most attractive feature a guy can have is confidence. That doesn't have to mean arrogance, which is maybe a turn on for girls, but at the same time we hate ourselves for it and it makes us miserable. But a confident guy, who likes himself, feels comfortable in himself, and isn't afraid to be a bit daring. You mentioned you can be fairly conservative. It might be that you're putting out a bit of a 1950s formal kind of front. Relax and be a bit more playful. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 Your being too nice, isn't the reason you don't get women. Women are either attracted to you, or they are not....and that attraction would still be there and whether you are nice or not. Women fall for guys that appear to be 'nice' and too good to be true all of the time. It's only weeks or a couple of months down the line, that we can discover he's an a$$hole....which we can see by the many, many threads in these forums!! Women don't deliberately set out to get involved with and begin a relationship with a 'jerk'...a guy who will cheat, treat her bad, etc... Some guys may have a bad reputation and women will still choose to get involved, despite knowing of his rep. This woman often tends to think of herself, as the woman who is and will be different to all of the females he's been with. She takes a risk with him, hoping that she will be the 'one' to change this guy....but rarely ever does. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 you can be nice, just can't be a pushover. those guys try too hard and end up looking like a pansy. girls don't like that. Link to comment
BestScreenName Posted February 6, 2009 Author Share Posted February 6, 2009 I really appreciate all of the respones and advice. It has really made me realize what I think I need to change. I've started to think that my mind set is wrong. I've always felt like I'm not good enough for the person I like, and altough I've always tried to hide it, its probably shown a little. I was just so worried that I was going to come off as an arrogant jerk that I started to...lose confidence. I never really felt like it, but thats got to be it. Ok, so heres some things I plan to change: -Aprroach the girl I like without fear of being blown off. -Still complement her, but tease her playfully just as much. -Not let my emotions cause me to be to nice, even though I may want to. -Talk to her more as a friend and try to feel comfortable. Thanks again everyone, some of these are gonna be hard to do but the first step to changing is understanding the problem, which I do now. Wish me luck! Link to comment
Kiteless Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 -Aprroach the girl I like without fear of being blown off. -Still complement her, but tease her playfully just as much. -Not let my emotions cause me to be to nice, even though I may want to. -Talk to her more as a friend and try to feel comfortable. Thanks again everyone, some of these are gonna be hard to do but the first step to changing is understanding the problem, which I do now. Wish me luck! Ding ding ding! We have a winner! Even when it gets difficult, if you stick with this attitude you will do just fine. It's so nice to see someone willing to notice what they need to change, which also speaks volumes about the kind of guy you are. Link to comment
No_On3 Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 I'm thinking though, How on earth do you merge this 2 opposites?!!?!?!? I dont get this?... How are you going to attract a Girl if your not even Trying to get them in the first place?... and plus your playing hard to get!?, and i think women may think that you have no Interest in her thus your opportunities might get ruined. Link to comment
Nutz Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 I'm thinking though, How on earth do you merge this 2 opposites?!!?!?!? I dont get this?... How are you going to attract a Girl if your not even Trying to get them in the first place?... and plus your playing hard to get!?, and i think women may think that you have no Interest in her thus your opportunities might get ruined. Active disinterest. Take the bar setting for example. If you approach a woman by default she's going to assume you're hitting on her. If you don't make any of the traditional mistakes of telegraphing too much interest, playfully tease her, and be dismissive and unreactive. Once you get the hang of doing this sorta thing it's going to trip her up, make her think twice about you, and the end result is women begin to chase you. It's pretty awesome stuff. Link to comment
No_On3 Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 Active disinterest. Take the bar setting for example. If you approach a woman by default she's going to assume you're hitting on her. If you don't make any of the traditional mistakes of telegraphing too much interest, playfully tease her, and be dismissive and unreactive. Once you get the hang of doing this sorta thing it's going to trip her up, make her think twice about you, and the end result is women begin to chase you. It's pretty awesome stuff. Please elaborate more, i'm still having a hard time of understanding it a bit. Plus, I'm such a good guy that i dont even come into bars and yeah i dont really.... tease... .... OMG i wish i wasn't raised this way! I want to be bad guy, But i was raised to be a good person!... hope you understand. Link to comment
SexyAimz Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 i hate this fact so much, but i never want a man more than when he plays hard to get. As soon as they show that they are definatly interested, im not as botherd. Its so frustrating. But yeah, nice guys finish last. x Link to comment
Nutz Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 Please elaborate more, i'm still having a hard time of understanding it a bit. Plus, I'm such a good guy that i dont even come into bars and yeah i dont really.... tease... .... OMG i wish i wasn't raised this way! I want to be bad guy, But i was raised to be a good person!... hope you understand. Active disinterest is doing things that guys that are interested in a woman would never do. Blow your nose in front of her, negs, things like that. Personally I don't really do that, but I do NOT hit on women until I get signs they're interested. We call these indicators of interest. The reason for this is that women value men they have to work for. Most guys don't do this and throw themselves at women and shower them with compliments. Don't do that. It's try-hard and obviously telegraphs too much interest. This is why guys walk up to women, say something like "you're so hot" and immeidately ask for their number. The number 1 response those women say is "I have a boyfriend", and that's even if they don't. It's because the guys are too needy, aren't a challenge, and are generally unattractive because of it. The short short version is to treat her like your little sister, don't tip your hand until you see a few IOIs, and only then make your interest know. Here's the general structure for newbies to follow: link removed Also read my blog (start from the beginning). Lots of great info for newbies as well as other resources to tap once you get the basics: link removed Link to comment
clyn Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 I like nice guys, but confidence is definitely a turn-on. Link to comment
BestScreenName Posted February 7, 2009 Author Share Posted February 7, 2009 Ding ding ding! We have a winner! Even when it gets difficult, if you stick with this attitude you will do just fine. It's so nice to see someone willing to notice what they need to change, which also speaks volumes about the kind of guy you are. Thanks! i hate this fact so much, but i never want a man more than when he plays hard to get. As soon as they show that they are definatly interested, im not as botherd. Its so frustrating. But yeah, nice guys finish last. x So would you suggest showing interest as soon as you start to like the person? If not how long should you wait? Also do girls like in when guys give subtle, but obvious hints that they are interested? UPDATE! Today I started to notice that this girl in my first period turns around and looks at me alot(especially everyday during the pledge). I noticed it before, but never really thought anything of it. Do you think I should start to pursue her even though I haven't talked to her alot? And do you think she is even interested? Thanks. Link to comment
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